Mixed Religion Relationships

[B_inch_10_oz]

Just wondering who else has one and what it is. I'm Jewish with a younger Catholic girlfriend.

 

[Matt Cohen]

My Dad is Jewish, my Mum isn't.
My girlfriend's Mum is Jewish but her Dad isn't.

Neither of us refer to ourselves as Jewish, although both of us are "officially" Jewish.

I have also dated other girls and blokes (I'm bi), one girl was Jewish, the rest weren't.

 

[simcha]

I think it all depends on whether or not you're observant and how religious your partner is. I'm Jewish and so far I've only dated a couple of Jewish guys. It's nice to date other Jews because I don't have to worry about that Christmas stuff or having to sit though church services when it's important for my partner to be there...

Having said that I've dated some cool non-Jews and have celebrated their holidays right along with them.

My Mother is technically Jewish. She doesn't really consider herself a Jew because she became Catholic two weeks before I was born. My Dad was 100% Catholic being Italian and Polish. Religion was important to him. My Mom is Spiritual. Religion and its trappings have never meant much to her.

I embraced religious Judaism as an adult. I'm very liberal, of course, and I don't really keep kosher (even though I don't allow pork or shellfish in my house). I attend a Renewal Synagogue that is rather hippie and cool. My Dad thought it was weird but he was cool with it. My Mom thinks it's cool.

I was raised without the knowledge that we were Jewish, even though the Jewish side of my family, while not religious, has loads of Yiddishkeit. There are lots of Yiddish phrases used and we all look Jewish. Culturally, we look like a Jewish family. They all practice different religions and yet, they all acknowledge that they're Jewish in some way.

So, inter-faith relationships can work. Inter-faith families can work. It all depends on the players. We have a very multi-cultural and multi-religious family. It works for us.

 

[B_inch_10_oz]

For us the whole Jewish/Catholic thing was hard to accept: esp. HER parents, but we've been together now for almost 2 years, and I think she might be it for me.

We've already decided that any kids will take her name, but the question of how to raise our kids is one that neither of us really wants to tackle. Any thoughts?

 

[Quite Irate]

My sex slave is a devout catholic.

I'm an atheist.

 

[simcha]

For us the whole Jewish/Catholic thing was hard to accept: esp. HER parents, but we've been together now for almost 2 years, and I think she might be it for me.

We've already decided that any kids will take her name, but the question of how to raise our kids is one that neither of us really wants to tackle. Any thoughts?

Yes, I do have some thoughts, or rather some questions that you both should probably answer together before getting married and having kids.

1. Is it important to either one of you to raise your children in a religious tradition? Why?

2. If it is important that your children be raised in a religious tradition, which one of you finds it more important? Why?

3. Can either of you live with raising children in a religious tradition different from your own?

4. Does either one of you want to join the other one in his/her religious tradition? Why?

5. Can a compromise be made? Can you see a way you could raise your children in both religious traditions?

6. How will your decisions about raising children affect your relationships with both of your families?

Remember that when you are marrying someone you are also blending families. It's not just the two of you that has a stake in this. And your relationships as a couple with both families will affect your relationship whether you like it or not. Make sure you are comfortable with each other, of course, and the decisions you are making about blending your families and choosing how to raise your children. I think sometimes people don't think through a marriage well enough before jumping into it and that's why so many of them fail.

If you are asking these questions of yourself and each other now, which I see you are, then you both are ahead of the game, in my humble opinion. It's a good sign that both of you are conscientious people.

Best wishes...

 

[snoozan]

Yes, I do have some thoughts, or rather some questions that you both should probably answer together before getting married and having kids. <snip>

This is a great post, simcha. Too many people don't think about these things before they have kids and just expect it to work itself out. It doesn't. You really have to go into a relationship and/or a marriage where kids are in the future discussing and deciding things way beforehand. It's not just religion, either-- division of labor, education and discipline philosophies, interaction with extended family etc. are all important, and there are many more just as important that I haven't listed.

From my experience, also, I'd recommend being in a relationship/marriage for a few years before having children-- that way you know you're compatible and the changes you embraced in the beginning aren't something you can stick to in the long run.

 

[B_inch_10_oz]

Agree totally. Like I said, we've been together a couple of years now, and thinking about making things official. In spite of the fact that our families' religious outlooks are polar opposites, I think both of us have made a VERY GOOD impression on the other's parents, to the point now where, I THINK all four of them are looking forward forward to the prospect of grandchildren.

 

[mountainguy]

If the two of you are able to openly talk about your differences, I don't think your religious backgrounds should be a big deal. I know a woman who is Christian (though not a particularly observant one) who is married to a Muslim man, and the two of them have been able to make things work by (1) being respectful of their differences, and (2) by their willingness to compromise at times.

 

[Principessa]

Just wondering who else has one and what it is. I'm Jewish with a younger Catholic girlfriend.

I am a United Methodist and I dated a devout Catholic for 12 years. Religion was a constant bone of contention with us.

 

[ripsrips]

An acquaintance of mine has this catering business that he only caters to Jewish people and he was born to Jewish parents but doesn't believe in the religion or beliefs and he says he always puts pork broth or pork lard in his dishes, to get back to them??? How bad is this??? He acts and talks to his clients like he&#8217;s kosher but he&#8217;s really not. I don't feel it's my place to do or say anything, buyer beware!!!

 

[simcha]

An acquaintance of mine has this catering business that he only caters to Jewish people and he was born to Jewish parents but doesn't believe in the religion or beliefs and he says he always puts pork broth or pork lard in his dishes, to get back to them??? How bad is this??? He acts and talks to his clients like he’s kosher but he’s really not. I don't feel it's my place to do or say anything, buyer beware!!!

That's terrible. The thing is though that you can only be sure that you are getting a Kosher Caterer if you have a Rabbi with a good reputation supervising the kitchen and you have good Rabbis who work at the suppliers of the food. I will bet $1mil. that this guy has no hechsher or valid hechsher to display because he has no Rabbinic supervision. Jews who keep strictly Kosher pay attention to this and do their research. We Jews who are Kosher Lite (As in, don't eat pork or shellfish at home but might not buy everything kosher and/or when we eat out will occasionally eat pork and shellfish) don't pay that close attention so it wouldn't matter to most of us.

Personally I greatly respect the Eco-Kosher Movement that places a value on food as sacred sustinence that should be used as responsibly and renewably as possible.

 

[ripsrips]

He does have a rabbi, I've asked how he gets the pork products being supervised and his answer was distractions and small baggies in his apron or pockets and puts them with a slide of hand.
The guys pretty sick for doing this, luckly I haven't seen him in over a year, I do know that he's still in business and getting alot of work.

 

[chico8]

An acquaintance of mine has this catering business that he only caters to Jewish people and he was born to Jewish parents but doesn't believe in the religion or beliefs and he says he always puts pork broth or pork lard in his dishes, to get back to them??? How bad is this??? He acts and talks to his clients like he’s kosher but he’s really not. I don't feel it's my place to do or say anything, buyer beware!!!

That's hilarious!

 

[Sinten]

my agnosticism limits me to choosing relationships with only open-minded or nonreligious people. i've had one too many bible thumping women (who aren't afraid to take my cock before marriage and after a few drinks...hypocrites) try saving my soul. no thanks.

 

[the_reverend]

Just wondering who else has one and what it is. I'm Jewish with a younger Catholic girlfriend.

i'm a non denominational Christian with elements of Zen Buddhism and Taoism thrown into the mix. so just about any relationship i have is going to be mixed religion, even just masturbating.

but i've dated (starting in high school, since nothing else beforehand really counts) a Methodist, two Baptists, an agnostic, a Universalist, a Jew and an Episcopalean. and the religious differences didn't have much of an effect, beyond leading to some lovely discussions. political differences, on the other hand, weren't quite so easily surmounted.