Modesty around my own kids

Discussion in 'Underwear, Clothing, and Appearance Issues' started by Imported, Oct 25, 2003.

  1. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    johnny8x8: Wife and I are at odds over the appropriate level of modesty around our children regarding nudity. Although wife thinks its okay to have our 7 and 4 year old girls share a bathtub with her, it's "wrong" for me to be in my own bedroom nude. I sleep nude and it's not unusual for one or two of the kids to sneak into our bed some nights. So wife thinks that means I should always have something on in bed. Wife really gets irritated when it's morning and I get out of bed to use the bathroom. The kids see me "swinging" when I walk to the bathroom and back again. I'm not hard, just naturally longish/thickish. My penis swings around like it's on a bungie. I think this is a doublestandard and have pointed out such. If I were walking around hard, that would be another story, but I don't. I think the kids should understand that Daddies' bodies are different from Mommies' bodies and that does not equal dirty.

    Am I alone on this one guys?
     
  2. HungArnold

    HungArnold New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2003
    Messages:
    337
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Niagara Falls, Canada
    I think that the issue here is about standards. Like you, I also sleep nude but do not walk around the house nude; instead, I wear a robe that is light and loose-fitting. My wife does the same.

    Our sons have always been able to ask any question, sexual or otherwise, and have always received logical, age-appropriate answers.

    I would buy myself a nice robe and cover up. I don't know where you live but in some jurisdictions, walking around swinging in front of kids may be child abuse.
     
  3. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    longtimelurker: Def. double standards. My Dad used to walk naked to the bathroom first thing in the morning and I don't remember being mentally scarred by it!
     
  4. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    jumbo747jet: I think this is a cultural difference between America and Europe.
    I grew up in Denmark and remember seeing both my parents in the nude as a kid. No, they didn't run around the house naked, but they would get naked to take a shower or bath or when changing clothes. To me, that is perfectly natural.
    If a child never sees a naked body, he or she is going to think that the human body is something dirty, which of course it isn't. We're all naked under our clothes.

    Another thing. Nudity doesn't equate sex which some people seem to think. It's thoughts like that which make the nude body "dirty".
     
  5. jdoe86

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2003
    Messages:
    2,721
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    517
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunnyvale (CA, US)
    The fact that your wife is not comfortable with it means you need to talk and come to a compromise. I don't want to see this as causing a riff in your marriage. I hate that our "western" culture finds nudity as bad or wrong. I am a naturalist (nudest) and when I go to beaches or resorts, there are children of all ages (1 to 17) walking around and interacting without problem.
     
  6. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    H8Monga: [quote author=jumbo747jet link=board=clothing;num=1067082920;start=0#3 date=10/25/03 at 09:17:58]
    If a child never sees a naked body, he or she is going to think that the human body is something dirty, which of course it isn't. We're all naked under our clothes.
    [/quote]

    *panics* OMG! I'm naked under my clothes?! Oh many I have to do something about that. What if people knew? God's going to send me to hell now! How indecent...

    I remember seeing my mother and my grandfather naked when I was very very young... and it so traumatized me I take baths in my underwear!

    Okay I kid. I think it's a double standard just like in films that the kids can see her nude but you, OMG! Is your penis going to do something to them or are they going to do things with penises? I don't get it.

    If she's going to stop you, she should stop herself.
     
  7. B_Jeremy

    B_Jeremy New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2002
    Messages:
    601
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    East Coast Canada
    This is something that I deal with, Mom brought me up teaching me that nudity was natural, and nudity around the house with me and her is common, to most people it might seem a little extreme, but I think it's how I was brought up thinking it's ok, so im fine with it.
     
  8. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    johnny8x8: Guys, thanks for the replies.

    I guess I should clarify something: I don't just walk all around the house nude. I'm talking about going from my bed to the adjoining bathroom and back again. We're talking 20 steps there and 20 back. I do go nude but when no one else is home. Since I work from my home, that's easy to do. My wife just thinks that my nudity is a stepping stone to exhibitionism. I make a distinction which she does not. She also complains that my dick shows too much under clothes but knows that I can only buy things just soo baggy and then that's it. (By the way, she also heard remarks from her family when they stayed over at our house during the holidays. I agreed to wear pajamas during their stay but ... I still swing/schwing whenever I walk ... and it's still visible under PJs. I tell my wife her married girlfriends should have HER problems ...
     
  9. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    H8Monga: Man, you can't win! Tell her to hide her breasts!

    As far as I have seen so far, is that those who grow up with nudity do not make a big deal out of it to be exhibitionists. It is those who live under bundles of clothes when they do not want to who become exhibitionists.
     
  10. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    aj2181: when I was growing up I never saw my dad in anything less than underware. I did however share a bathroom with three brothers and we never cared about puttin somethin on. I can understand and sympathize with your wife but also with you. I think that being at a 'close' proximity to young children while naked is not good.....thats just my opinion. It shouldn't be something hidden away as if in shame but also something thats not paraded around all the time...a simple compromise should fix the whole situation I think.
     
  11. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2002
    Messages:
    83,922
    Likes Received:
    34
    The problem isn't the nudity, johnny, it's your wife's objection to it in the presence of the girls.

    Compromise is called for here.

    Next time the girls want to cuddle under the blankets with Mommy and Daddy, excuse them from the room (gently) for a couple of minutes while you put on some pajama bottoms or boxers. Either remove them when they're back in their own beds or wear them all night if necessary.

    You'd be surprised how this small gesture will lessen the tension and she may even want to 'reward' your sweetness.

    Pecker

    ("Daddy, what's that?" "Why, that's my penis, Michelle." "Daddy, when will I get one?" "Hopefully not until you get married.")
     
  12. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    gigantikok: Yea, I don't think it is fair for your wife to try and censor your penis from everyone. You shouldn't have to be uncomfortable at the expense of others, especially in your own home (in regards to the relatives). However, I would definately draw the line at being naked in a bed with your little girls. There is a double standard there, but your wife can be naked in the tub with the girls because she is of the same sex. Is the whole shower/lockerroom mentality. She is teaching them to be comfortable with their bodies, but exposing yourself to them might be a bit much. If you cover up for the girls, she may lighten up in regards to your "swinging". Compromise is a good thing. :)
     
  13. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    FieldRatt9: What about step kids? My ex-wife had 2 girls. One 14 the other 10. We went to a beach and enjoyed the sand and sun. At the end of the day we went to the beach showers. It had 10 shower heads and a locking door. 5 dollars got you 5 minutes of hot water. The "dressing" area was seperate by a pony wall. As I waited for them to finish my ex-wife said to hurry up and jump in before the water ran out. I said but that means the girls will see me naked. She said they're bound to see me sooner or later. So I stepped out and the 14 yr old said "Mom, I thought you said he was big?" I was a little embarrassed but the shower went well. It broke barriers I guess because after that we didn't worry about nudity around the house. They did get to see me erect a few times but we sat down and explained the nature of human anatomy. We lived in the mountains so walking around nude wasn't an issue. I still see them from time to time. We are still friends. Nothing perverted ever happened so don't bother asking.
     
  14. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    johnny8x8: Thanks for the story, Field.

    I'm glad to hear that your wife of the time didn't have a hang-up about nudity around the kids. Seems like you two were sensible about it. My kids haven't walked in on wife and I yet where I had an erection, but I try to keep the door locked whenever "mommy and daddy need 'private time'."

    You stepdaughter's comment about your size also reminds me of a story. My family (wife + 3 daughters) were vacationing with wife's sister's family and their 4 kids (3 boys, 1 girl). We had adjoining hotel rooms right in front of the pool. With 7 kids between us to manage, both sets of parents took shifts getting the kids ready for baths, dressing, activities, etc. My sister-in-law was bathing my 6-year-old girl at the same time as her 6-year-old boy. Mind you, the only penis-of-reference my 6-year-old girl has seen is mine. So when she was having a bath with her boy cousin, she looked at him, almost studying him in the bath. Sister-in-law told my girl, "I know you must have seen your daddy naked". Then my girl told her, "yea, but my daddy's penis is a lot bigger than that." "Sure it is. He's also got bigger arms, too." My sister-in-law giggled and told my girl that when her cousin grows up, "he'll be bigger, too." Then, without prompting, my girl said "good 'cause my daddy's penis is this big" (demonstrating with her two hands held a foot apart). Sister-in-law laughed and told my wife the story. Wife told her, "no, it's not a foot, it's more like (demonstrating my real flaccid length with hands apart). My sister-in-law stopped giggling and just said "damn!".
     
  15. B_JohnTheHorse

    B_JohnTheHorse New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2002
    Messages:
    510
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    I am a firm believer of two things: Adults are free to engage in whatever - BDSM, Gay, Str8, Bi, Trans, all manner of things, it's all good. But leave the kids out of it. It is inapproporiate to involve kids in any sort of activity what so ever. That includes nudity around the house etc.

    It may be fun for you, but you may be scarring your child (if you have one) psychologically for life.
     
  16. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    sykodude: [quote author=JohnTheHorse link=board=clothing;num=1067082920;start=0#14 date=10/28/03 at 10:20:29]It is inapproporiate to involve kids in any sort of activity what so ever.[/quote]

    hrmmmm.....

    Okay, the problem here is that western culture is completely full of crap. Our whole society needs to realize that nudity =/= sex. Sheltering children from everything is a lot more harmful to them than seeing a normal human body could ever be.
     
  17. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    biggbenn8: I would have to agree with the consensus here...

    Compromise is in order.

    Having sons my situation was a bit different- there was not the 'sexual' aspect. I also think there are valid points about attitudes about sex here as well.

    Growing up I tended towards nudity, my wife would wear a robe- in colder weather I wore pajama bottoms on occasion.

    I tried to get my wife to understand that the boys seeing her naked would not 'scar' them, but sadly, we never reached a compromise. (tho we have been 'caught' on more than a few occasions).

    Now as the boys are grown, nudity is an accepted practice ONLY when it is 'just us'. period.

    Hope that helps.
     
  18. jayflamewalker

    jayflamewalker New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2008
    Messages:
    80
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Elkton,Md
    you are absolutely right
     
  19. B_Austin Blue

    B_Austin Blue New Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2008
    Messages:
    624
    Likes Received:
    7
    I don't see anything wrong with being nude around children. I grew up seeing both mum and dad naked as they walked from bedroom to bathroom, changing at the rec centre etc.

    I also grew up with a Danish family that took saunas nude together all the time from childhood through to adulthood. My adult friend still nakes saunas with his mum and dad totally nude and he's certainly not emotionally damaged by growing up nude around them and neither am I.

    I'm shocked at the level of American shame around the body - something totally absent in Europe. America seems hell bent to allow huge amounts of violence and murder on TV but as soon as a naked man appears with an erection - it's an XXX movie and not for kids.

    :confused:
     
  20. nitzaski

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2008
    Messages:
    191
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    32
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Verified:
    Photo
    I think the point here is that your wife is uncomfortable with it - I feel a small compromise would ease all the tension and make your wife feel more comfortable - she may even not moan about your 'thang' showing in clothes if you take on board this particular issue.

    Just slip on some boxers or a dressing gown and it will make her happy. In a perfect world you should not have to compromise at all, I suppose - but relaionships, as we all know, are exceedingly complicated and in this instance giving in little to find peace may well work for you in the long run.

    Best of luck
     
Draft saved Draft deleted