Modesty around my own kids

[Pecker]

Compromise: keep a pair of shorts in the nightstand for the occasions when your daughters visit your bed, just as mommy would slip on a nightgown were your children boys instead.

 

[ddaithom2003]

I grew up with all sorts of sexual hang ups and issues about nudity and modesty. I was determined that if I had my own children they should not regard their bodies as "unnatural" in any way. I eventually had three daughters and they grew up in a very open household. I was confortable to change in front of them, comfortable to walk to the shower in front of them and never felt I had to cover up. I never did show myself if I had an erection or such like.

Now a days I am in my late 60's and my girls in their 30's and if they visit home they think nothing of walking into the bathroom for a chat if I am showering or getting changed. It's just part of living and the wonderul relationship I have with my girls.

 

[toadstool]

I have two boys and although we don't parade around the house naked we meaning my two boys and I [i am divorced] We don not hesitate to undress infront of each other and i certianly answer any question they may have about the body as i believe that their curious minds will find out one way or another i would prefer it was from me and I don't want them to be scared to get undressed. We go to the local indoor pool and we undress in the locker room before and after and my boys have seen alot of men and children naked in there and they are well adjusted to seing other males naked and they don't make a big deal about it which makes me believe that proper nudity teaches them. Just a note my boy's 9 and 12 have never seen me with an erection but they are aware of what they are and have asked questions so the bottom line is if you have girls it is only proper to cover it up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

I would buy myself a nice robe and cover up. I don't know where you live but in some jurisdictions, walking around swinging in front of kids may be child abuse.

I don't know how it could be considered child abuse. Are nudists child abusers? If so, they'd all be arrested.

I don't think there is anything wrong with parents being nude in front of their kids. But I do think the feelings of everyone should be considered and if someone is not comfortable with it, that should be respected.

 

[Pdick]

Nudity around your own kids is not a bad thing. You are setting the example that you are comfortable in your own skin, and that they should be too. Nudity does not equal a sexual situation. The two are two entirely different things. Granted being nude makes sex much easier, but one does not equal the other.

Girls especially in today's society are conditioned that they are a sex object, and everything depends on how they look. They become so overly sensitive to this that you have teenagers that want boob jobs because they are not at least a c cup, plastic surgery on their face because something isn't quite symmetrical, and on and on. Being comfortable with themselves and what they have been given, and being able to be comfortable around others, is a major step toward combating the whole idea that they are nothing but a sex object, and that everything depends on them being a sex object.

Look at the endless locker room threads here. The younger guys freak out about being naked around other men in the locker room, to the point where they are afraid to take a shower, or even change clothes. This is a self esteem issue based on the probably false self image of themselves in their heads. They are not comfortable with their own skin, much less able to be comfortable with the idea of someone else seeing that skin. Want to bet they were raised in a household that was puritanical in view, was no nudity at all, that sex was bad/evil, and gays were just waiting to see you naked and take advantage of you if you were naked? Or that this was the view in school from their peers, and the parents didn't set them straight on the matter?

Take a look back on your kids. Before they hit puberty, did they not shuck all their clothes off at just about every given opportunity and run around naked? This is normal human behavior. It is the adult, applying their fears, ideals, and societal requisites, that changes this behavor. How you go about this makes a huge difference in your children. That you can be naked, be comfortable with it, and not act like a raging hormone when being around someone else naked, has a profound effect on your kids. This translates to times when you are clothed too, and has the same effects.

Nudity is not bad. It is not evil. If you want to go biblical, god intended people to be naked, and woman screwed that up. A little casual nudity is not going to damage your kids, unless you present it in such a way, that they think it will.

 

[B_cigarbabe]

Ahh how refreshing it is to hear a completely rational view on children,nudity,and why being naked is not the same as being sexual in front of your children.
I won't reiterate what Pdick has so eloquently said but he is spot on!
Being naked is not child abuse not nowhere,not no how.
Hungarnold, I have to ask, where did you ever get such a ridiculous notion from dude really! ddaithom2003 has shown that by not being allowed to view people normally or naked how it scarred him and he did the right thing by not allowing that to happen to his girls. smart man I'd say!
Pecker is also right if your wife doesn't like it keep shorts around on the nightstand to compromise.
cigarbabe:saevil:

 

[cadetexas]

Maybe if you had a tiny dick your wife would be more comfortable than she is with your big schlong bouncing around like it's on a bungie cord. I bet it being a big dick makes if worse in your wife's eyes.

 

[kundalinikat]

I saw my dad naked many times, but my mom only once, by accident
Of course that's because I'm male!

So a response the original post, johnny 8x8:

Of course your wife is enforcing the clothing, because your children are female... but see how long it takes for your daughter to ask you to put on some pants, already.

Honestly I think the whole thing of sexual segregation (same-sex nudity being less important or taboo than opposite-sex nudity) serves only to frighten other people about whichever is the opposite sex, specifically their bodies. The segregation is itself somewhat shameful, I think

But i'll be the first to say that shame is just a technique, and your wife trying to get you to feel shame about being casually nude in front of your daughters, ain't so bad. Really is that all you've got to complain about? Frankly... it's something i'd notice if i were same room, too

 

[sdbg]

Nudity around your own kids is not a bad thing. You are setting the example that you are comfortable in your own skin, and that they should be too. Nudity does not equal a sexual situation. The two are two entirely different things. Granted being nude makes sex much easier, but one does not equal the other.

A great, well thought post. You have the right attitude.

 

[Pdick]

Honestly I think the whole thing of sexual segregation (same-sex nudity being less important or taboo than opposite-sex nudity) serves only to frighten other people about whichever is the opposite sex, specifically their bodies. The segregation is itself somewhat shameful, I think

I agree with this. If you bring your kids up from the start that this is not a big deal, and continue to treat it as suck as they grow up, it won't be. Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina. Whoop-de-doo. There is nothing shameful in that. They just need guidance along the way. This is why many parents fail, because they aren't giving the proper guidance that their children need. Make them think about stuff, why they feel the way they do. Expose them to the world a bit and ask them what they think. Have them put themselves into that situation and explore the ideas, thoughts and feelings. There is nothing worse than telling your child, no that is wrong and bad, and ending the conversation right there. That is a sure fire way for them to be interested in why something is wrong and bad, and they are going to explore that thing without you and your guidance.

This is why underage drinking is such a problem in this country, and abstinence only programs are an utter failure. You must give them all the information to make an informed decision, and not declare something outright bad/wrong/evil. Kids are smart and will see thru this, and will go looking for the information you are withholding from them. If that means going to a party to get high and/or drunk, or fucking her boyfriend in the backseat of his car, that's how they will get that information.

Sometimes you must give your kids enough rope to hang themselves with if the consequences won't be dire. Human beings learn thru making mistakes. You have to pick and choose the situations that you are going to let your kids fail at to learn. If you shield them from everything when they are living with you, you wind up with the "special snowflake" that has all kinds of problems when faced with the brutal world that is out there when they are on their own. Working with high school kids and just out of high school kids on a daily basis, you can see the ones that have experienced failure and know how to deal with it, and those who were sheltered and don't. It's not pretty for the snowflakes. They are suddenly on their own, and they have no idea what to do, or how to act, what's good for them, and what is going to turn out to be a disaster.

 

[Freddie53]

This has been a good thread. It touches on a subject that is very much a part of raising children. I agree with the ones that have said nudity and sexuality are not inclusive. If there is even a hint of sexuality there, then the parents need to cover up. If any shame is present then nudity probably isn't a good idea.

The rate of sexual inappropriate actions from reports I remember reading is less among nudists than those of us who would die before we would be seen nude by our children.

The family needs to have consensus if at all possible. Dad should bow to his wife's wishes. I agree with Pecker.

Speaking as in individual and not expressing Mod policy. When people want to discuss a topic such as this that is from 2003, I prefer that they just start a new thread. Here is why. The people posting then may not be here now. If someone disagrees with a post from five years ago, the person writing that post may not even be here to respond to it. We who are posting now can't really have a conversation with the people who posted then. That is why I prefer a new thread with a possible link to the original thread.

Again, I am just speaking my preferences and why. I'm sure there is someone who would disagree with me and have their reasons.

 

[D_Andy_Whorewall]

I have 3 boys, 2 are in college, the one at home is 16. We've seen each other nude from time to time and doesn't bother us. I do tend to be modest at times, such as 2 weeks ago my wife was out of town on business and I heard him get up in the middle of the night and get sick in the bathroom.

I got up to tend to him, usually moms job, and since I sleep nude, I walked in the bathroom, got him a cold towel for his forehead, etc without thinking. Then it dawned on me...my son doesn't want to see my penis while he's puking, so threw on a pair of boxers.

He was nude as well and I didn't think anything of it, he was sick and that's what was on my mind. Everything is relevant...

 

[D_SharronTaint]

I might be in the minority here, but i think since they are girls, its different, and that some double standards are there for a reason.

4 and 6 years old are definitely old enough to ask awkward questions. its important they know the difference between boys and girls and not be ashamed of anything, but in my opinion they shouldn't really be given that many opportunities to see their dad naked, even on accident.

being told not to sleep in the nude is ridiculous though. unless you dont sleep with any covers, you'll be hidden.. and tossing on a pair of boxers before you get out isnt exactly difficult.

My boy is nearly 15, and he's been in locker rooms at the jr. high school starting at 6 or 7 years old, at his first little league and soccer camp. He's seen me change on camping trips or getting in/out of the hot tub. i sleep in the nude, though he'd never have a reason to just walk in on me. i lounge around in boxers or sweats often, but i wouldnt if i had a daughter.

 

[pronatalist]

The problem isn't the nudity, johnny, it's your wife's objection to it in the presence of the girls.

Compromise is called for here.

Next time the girls want to cuddle under the blankets with Mommy and Daddy, excuse them from the room (gently) for a couple of minutes while you put on some pajama bottoms or boxers. Either remove them when they're back in their own beds or wear them all night if necessary.

You'd be surprised how this small gesture will lessen the tension and she may even want to 'reward' your sweetness.

Pecker

("Daddy, what's that?" "Why, that's my penis, Michelle." "Daddy, when will I get one?" "Hopefully not until you get married.")

Generally, nudity around mixed sexes, is inappropriate, except of course, in the case of a married couple, in which they understandably share their bodies with each other.

However, I do think that appropriate family modesty is a family call, for the parents to set the standards, and I'm not about to opine any hard and fast rules, for others, for just how much clothing one must wear for a trip to the bathroom, when probably nobody else will see anyway.

But when a person and their mate doesn't agree, hadn't you better do what your mate requests, unless you want to be sleeping alone on the couch or something? At least wear some boxer underwear to bed or something, if that will do?

And I wonder, aren't the girls getting old enough, to sleep usually in their own beds? Still young enough to be "tucked in" by a parent, of course, when going to bed.

 

[Viking_UK]

I grew up with two sisters. We shared a room till we were in our early teens. We all saw each other naked at various times. I've seen both my parents naked. They didn't wander around the house naked, but if they were changing and I walked in, there was none of the screaming and rushing to cover up that you hear about with some people.

None of us has ended up emotionally scarred by the sight of one or other of our parents naked. Hell, I even saw my grandparents naked. If you don't make a big deal out of nudity, it doesn't become one. People these days seem to be sexualising and fetishising nudity, which isn't a healthy thing to do.

As one another poster said, you see graphic violence all the time on TV and in films, but only rarely is nudity shown in a non-sexual way. I think both of those are much more damaging to kids/teenagers than seeing their mother or father walk down the hallway to the bathroom not wearing anything.

 

[pronatalist]

Sometimes, family housing can still be too cramped for reasonable modesty.​

I grew up with two sisters. We shared a room till we were in our early teens. We all saw each other naked at various times. I've seen both my parents naked. They didn't wander around the house naked, but if they were changing and I walked in, there was none of the screaming and rushing to cover up that you hear about with some people.

None of us has ended up emotionally scarred by the sight of one or other of our parents naked. Hell, I even saw my grandparents naked. If you don't make a big deal out of nudity, it doesn't become one. People these days seem to be sexualising and fetishising nudity, which isn't a healthy thing to do.

As one another poster said, you see graphic violence all the time on TV and in films, but only rarely is nudity shown in a non-sexual way. I think both of those are much more damaging to kids/teenagers than seeing their mother or father walk down the hallway to the bathroom not wearing anything.

Still in many countries, aren't families still large, and homes small? When an entire families lives in just a room or two, I imagine how to teach "sex education" isn't such a big deal as it seems to be sometimes in the West, for children already know how babies are made, for they commonly see their parents "doing it," and may sometimes hear nearby neighbors doing it as well.

Yes, I don't think that there should be mixed sex nudity. We need to have certain modesty and moral standards. But when homes are small and families are big, what can you do?

I seem to recall a short passage in my childhood, a rented house or apartment, before we moved to a more permanent home, in which we lived in a 2-bedroom home. Meaning me and my sister, I think shared a room. I think that was probably before puberty. I think we had to go into the bathroom to change clothes, or put on our PJs or whatever. But I can also see some families just choosing not to worry about the nudity, while on a stay in some single motel room, in a camping tent, and such. Obviously some people don't "get dressed" to go to the bathroom down the hall, expecting to be alone, then somebody else comes out and they are not alone after all. Also an issue in the college dorms, as while the entire floor is all one sex, the showerroom/bathroom is down the hall from our dorm rooms, and you just never know when people of opposite sex might be visiting somebody on the floor. Going to take a shower, I would have nothing but a towell wrapped around me.

When I was in the military, when we went to the field, we have a huge mixed sex tent. Privacy was simple enough, maybe too simple. When the ladies wanted some privacy, they just kicked us guys out.

Some of the modesty stuff, is a modern "luxury" of American bigger homes with more bedrooms. And I do think there should be reasonable modesty as conditions permit. But obviously, conditions don't always permit, and then I think, does it need to be such a big deal?

 

[AARON.aa]

My Dad used to walk at home in his white boxers. I start to do the same like my dad.