Modesty

unabear09

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So a question...
my best friend had to have major emergency surgery to save his life around a week ago. I've been at his side as much as I could be while he has been in the hospital (trying to help his wife and kids out, and well, he's my best friend and I love the guy...). As long as I've known him, he's never really been terribly modest about nudity. I'm not saying he whips it out a the drop of the hat or anything like that, but he'll piss (without his back turned) outside when we're outside and I'm near by, he's former military, and back in the day, was known for throwing clothing optional parties in college. So what is kind of puzzling me is, since he's been in the hospital, I've seen his ass, cock and balls numerous times, both by accident, and to cover him up when he was in recovery post surgery (he kept pushing his sheets down below his gown while he was still out of it due to anesthesia, and I kept covering him back up when medical personnel came in). No big deal. Now he's doing better (thank God), and suddenly he seems to be embarrassed if I see his junk and goes out of his way to stay covered up. I totally respect that, and would be the same way myself if I were in the same position. I don't have a desire to see his package, but by the same token, I kind of feel like its stupid to take such great strides to keep himself covered up, and could care less if I see his goods again. I've got the same things hanging between my legs, so I don't really understand the modesty. Could someone help me out here? I've never had any really close guy friends in the past, and I don't really understand why the sudden modesty.
 
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He's in the hospital. There's no situation that makes someone feel more vulnerable than being cooped up in the hospital. He may not be trying to modest with you, so much as he's probably trying to avoid flashing anyone that may walk through the door of his hospital room.
 

unabear09

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*ponders*

chalk it up to vulnerability?

i suspect the exposure he's feeling hibbyjibby about is more intimate than private parts, Mr. Bear.

ya saw him helpless, unconscious and very much in need of help. that kinda intimacy can throw an awkward wobble in a friendship. he's still in the place. he's healing, probably feels like shit half the time.

or... he's tired of folks eyin' his jibblets. hospitals are a "your genitals are now on display" kinda environment. medical folks can treat person like a collection of parts that need monitoring and checking.... not always respecting a very basic human need of privacy and "no zones"

I think both may be correct. Especially the first part. lol I'm kind of trying to feel my way out through his whole ordeal. He'll let me help him to a certain extent if its just the two of us in the room. I've learned to immediately stop assisting him (unless its something that really requires a helping hand, getting in/out of bed, getting things for him that are out of his reach, etc.) when someone enters the room. I've told him time and again that I am there for him in his recovery, and I think he realizes that he is going to have to have help (his wife had a big health ordeal while he was in the hospital, plus they have a toddler and no family to really help nearby), we are both just praying that his wife will let me help instead of trying to be a super hero.

On a side note, (since we are speaking of emotions and vulnerability) I kind of feel like a goof... I almost broke down and cried on him a couple of days after the surgery. The fact that he was a few hours away from death hit me hard, and I went as emotional as one guy can get with another guy without being a pussy (forgive my sexism). I told him that he meant so much to me... that I owed most of everything that was good in my life right now to him, as I am coming out of a very long dark period of my life that his friendship, strength and faith in me, helped to pull me through back into the light. Nothing more than a mutual feeling was expressed by him, and we both moved on. Weird...
 

giantsfrey

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maybe the whole ordeal has changed him personally, and he's looking at life differently, and is just not such a crazy, open person anymore. i'm sure it has nothing to do with you. he'd probably cover himself, or not piss in public, in front of anybody now. not sure why this is a 'problem' for you. are you sexually attracted to him? if so, then you've got other issues to sort out than him being shy. if not... who cares? don't worry about it. you've got your friend still
 

Trimmah

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I think Jump Start hit it on the head. I remember when I was in a very similar situation as your friend. I was very conscience of my body and my poor health. I also kept adjusting my covers, hospital gown, etc. to make sure I was " presentable". I don't know what the point of it all was, but that was what I did. Upon arriving home I needed help showering, etc and was very embarrassed of my appearance. This was with a man I had been in a relationship for several years no less! Go figure.
 
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deleted59763

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Maybe he caught you looking at his cock and now feels wrong about you seeing it,where before it was just like guy stuff. I would feel weird knowing my friend kept looking at mine,he's got nurses and a wife let them do it.
 

B_mature54

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I know that, when I am sick, I have extreme shrinkage. When well I hang pretty good. It may be the case with him, whereas before he is hanging good and was proud. Just a thought
 

unabear09

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I think Jump Start hit it on the head. I remember when I was in a very similar situation as your friend. I was very conscience of my body and my poor health. I also kept adjusting my covers, hospital gown, etc. to make sure I was " presentable". I don't know what the point of it all was, but that was what I did. Upon arriving home I needed help showering, etc and was very embarrassed of my appearance. This was with a man I had been in a relationship for several years no less! Go figure.

yeah, that makes sense. Some folks here missed the point of the thread entirely...

My question was why would someone who is rarely modest would become modest while in the hospital.
 

D_Ida_Ho

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yeah, that makes sense. Some folks here missed the point of the thread entirely...

My question was why would someone who is rarely modest would become modest while in the hospital.

Maybe he just doesn't like hospitals, i know i don't. For the same reasons others expressed. Hospitals are as straight forward as you can get. There isn't really much room for comfort there. Aesthetically speaking, they try but it isn't like you're at a five star hotel or at home with memorabilia laying around.

Not to boil it down to penisesesessses either but the medicines he took could have effected him more than he thought or he may have been told that there would be some sort of effect later on down the line.

To take a few steps further peen wise, it could be fear. Sometimes when a guy is afraid he'll be more mindful of his junk.

Just guessing though.
 

Jillang

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People react differently in hospital settings. I'm sure a big part of it is he's vunerable and he feels like he's lost control of everything right now. Some people become more outgoing, demanding, and confrontational to try and control the situation, others become more introverted.
 

biguy2738

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Some folks here missed the point of the thread entirely...

Yeah...kinda shocking that people overlook the fact that your friend has been fighting for his life in hospital and not getting it on in Fuckville. :eek:

I was very conscience of my body and my poor health. I also kept adjusting my covers, hospital gown, etc. to make sure I was " presentable". I don't know what the point of it all was, but that was what I did. Upon arriving home I needed help showering, etc and was very embarrassed of my appearance. This was with a man I had been in a relationship for several years no less! Go figure.

I agree with Mickey Lee's suggestion that it may be because of him feeling vulnerable, and I also understand what Trimmah expressed in her post.

A couple of years ago my Mom underwent major life/death surgery with about 10% chance of her surviving, followed by two months of recovery in ICU. There was a woman within an inch of her life, barely able to sit up let alone walk, who insisted that I bring her, her handbag with me every day (I'd take it with me when I'd leave in the evening)...and God forbid if I didn't have it with me because she'd fly into a rage. I didn't initially get it...

There are two other things at play. The lesser of the two would be the feeling of disempowerment. Everything within one's control is taken away, and with human nature being what it is, there's the need to then cling onto the small things that give one even the slightest semblance of being in control, like appearance etc.

The biggest thing though is the need to cling onto even the teeniest of things that allow one to experience some sense of normalcy and of being human. An environment like that, especially within the realm of major life/death surgery is invasive on every single level - physically, emotionally, psychologically. It is invasive to the point of oftentimes feeling as if all sense of privacy and dignity have been removed ('accidents' in bed for e.g.). Cue the need for the lesser comforts (in my Mom's instance, combing her hair and giving her a 'manicure'...and let's not forget about her handbag! lol), and I suspect with your friend, it's the need to not expose himself to anyone. It's not about modesty per se, but the need to hold onto anything that allows for the individual to feel even passably human.

We overlook this because our primary concern lies with their survival and recovery, whereas for them, lying in bed at the mercy of everyone around them and being unable to have half of the known comforts that they are accustomed to, there's the gravitation towards the lesser important/significant things (even just to have a 'normal' routine), which they will fight for and attempt to protect, to the point of even bearing their fangs.

Your presence is making a huge difference to his recovery. It's not about what you are doing, it's about you being there - don't underestimate this!!! It is allowing him to have some sense of normalcy and routine in a depressing, unsettling and entirely foreign environment. I admire your friendship, care and loyalty ; the depth of sacrifice that you are making for the sake of his well being and recovery.

As an aside...and please consider that I am not there and am in a different continent, so I do not know what the circumstances are like in the hospital...

Your observation of this sudden modesty is brilliant. Depending on the psychological landscape of the individual, the severity of the operation and the degree to which the person's life has been upset (in the sense of sleep deprivation etc.) coupled with the amount of time that, that person is in hospital, there is the risk of psychosis setting in (hallucinations, out of character behaviour, pulling out IV lines, fighting nurses etc.). Routine and giving the person something that allows them to keep track of the passing of time/days etc. helps prevent this from setting in. One way would be to 'pretend' to read the newspaper (if the person is weak to do so for themselves) and to share tidbits about what is going on in the outside world.

Be gentle with yourself and wishing your friend a full and speedy recovery!
 
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CUBE

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You are awesome to be there for your friend. I bet it means the world to him even if he doesn't say it. I think he just wants you to be comfortable. If he flashes you again just tell him its cool, be comfortable.