Mom Regrets Ignoring Gay Son
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This is a 2nd attempt to post this reply. The first attempt shows up under "Find all posts by Meniscus" but doesn't actually appear in the thread.
Yeah, that possibility occurred to me as well. I actually thought she was out of line for asking each of her 3 married kids to take her in 4 months out of the year. That's a big imposition, and I see it as a last resort. We don't know if these children had the space to take her in or the means to support her. If I were in that situation I'd want to at least explore other options first, such as a retirement community or an assisted living facility.
But the fact is that we don't know what kind of person this woman was, or what her kids situation was, so we're in no position to judge any of them.
This possibility also occurred to me. Maybe she was a good mom who made a terrible mistake, in which case her son was wise to take her in and create an opportunity for heal his relationship with her. If he'd chosen to punish her maybe she would have gotten what she deserved, but she'd never have learned her lesson, and he'd never have gotten his mother back.
I don't think we have to forgive everyone who hurts us, and we certainly don't have to give them opportunities to do it over and over again. If someone keeps hurting you again and again, and shows no hope of change, then you have the right to protect yourself and cut that person out of your life. But we don't know if that was the case with this woman. Some people can learn, some people can change. Maybe this guy thought that once his mom actually spent some time with him and his partner, she'd accept his sexuality and his relationship. If he and his partner were willing to take that chance, it's their decision. From what little we know of the situation, it seems to have worked out.
I knew it! You're really a big old softie deep down, aren't you?
I concur.
Again, I concur.
You've got that right. (Just wait. I'm sure TV execs read Dear Abby.)
Yeah, that possibility occurred to me as well. I actually thought she was out of line for asking each of her 3 married kids to take her in 4 months out of the year. That's a big imposition, and I see it as a last resort. We don't know if these children had the space to take her in or the means to support her. If I were in that situation I'd want to at least explore other options first, such as a retirement community or an assisted living facility.
But the fact is that we don't know what kind of person this woman was, or what her kids situation was, so we're in no position to judge any of them.
This possibility also occurred to me. Maybe she was a good mom who made a terrible mistake, in which case her son was wise to take her in and create an opportunity for heal his relationship with her. If he'd chosen to punish her maybe she would have gotten what she deserved, but she'd never have learned her lesson, and he'd never have gotten his mother back.
I don't think we have to forgive everyone who hurts us, and we certainly don't have to give them opportunities to do it over and over again. If someone keeps hurting you again and again, and shows no hope of change, then you have the right to protect yourself and cut that person out of your life. But we don't know if that was the case with this woman. Some people can learn, some people can change. Maybe this guy thought that once his mom actually spent some time with him and his partner, she'd accept his sexuality and his relationship. If he and his partner were willing to take that chance, it's their decision. From what little we know of the situation, it seems to have worked out.
I knew it! You're really a big old softie deep down, aren't you?
I concur.
Again, I concur.
You've got that right. (Just wait. I'm sure TV execs read Dear Abby.)
Yes, in situations like this families often assume that the single person, or the childless person, is the one in the best position to help out, which is not always the case. I can see both sides. People with spouses and/or kids have obligations to them that I, as a single person, don't have. On the other hand, as a single person, if I have to do *everything* myself. I can't say to anyone else, "I'm working late tonight, can you cook dinner?" Or, "I'm not feeling well, can you do the dishes." If I don't get the groceries and do the cooking, I don't eat. If I don't clean the house, the house doesn't get clean. If I don't pay the bills, they don't get paid. If I'm sick, I have to take care of myself. And so on.
When I was still living at home, my mother once had to leave home for a couple of weeks to take care of her parents. I found myself doing all the shopping and cooking, cleaning, laundry, and other stuff she would normally have done. I discovered just how much work it is to put a meal on the table every night, and how hard it was to come up with something different every day. I was glad when she came back, but I pitched in a lot more after that. So I think you're right, DC_DEEP, your sister could have delegated stuff to her family, and helped your mom out more, and her husband and son might have learned to appreciate your sister more.
:biggrin1: That was my point exactly, meniscus. Don't get me wrong, I would have made the drive every weekend, just to see Mom (and I certainly don't regret having done so), it's just that once in a while, it would have been nice if someone had already mowed her yard or weeded her flower beds or taken her car for an oil change before I got there. It isn't really resentment, I just couldn't understand why they thought I had more time rather than less.
3 of my 5 nephews were already age 16 or older at that time; none could be bothered to do the mowing, and they lived within 15 miles. Of course, my sister claimed that her husband and son couldn't cook or do laundry without ruining something. If it had been me, I would have said "you need to learn to do your own cooking and laundry. I'll show you how; if you don't learn, you'll have to wear dirty clothes and not eat."
3 of my 5 nephews were already age 16 or older at that time; none could be bothered to do the mowing, and they lived within 15 miles. Of course, my sister claimed that her husband and son couldn't cook or do laundry without ruining something. If it had been me, I would have said "you need to learn to do your own cooking and laundry. I'll show you how; if you don't learn, you'll have to wear dirty clothes and not eat."
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