Monogamy and Bi/Gay Guys???

[Phil Ayesho]

Fucking around and having sex outside of a primary relationship is WORNG when you KNOW its wrong.

That is... you know full well the expectation your partner has of you in this regard. If you are violating that expectation, its immoral.

The moral path is to ALWAYS discuss such things and make sure each other is clear and comfortable with the arrangement.

It has nothing to do with 'monogamy' per se...Monogamy is not inherently more 'right'..... Honesty and respect for your partner is the thing that matters.

Whatever the two of you are happy with is fine... but when your actions are a sorrow to your partner... or when you conceal them because you know they would cause sorrow... that is infidelity.

 

[Stephenmass]

Though I agree that monogamy is one way to have a fulfilling relationship, not every relationship is the same.

I think it is more important that couples find common grounds to love and care for each other...sex is only one teeny piece of that puzzle. Relationships also go through changes as people do. And to dump a relationship just because of one or both partners is 'working things out' is just as immature as expecting that you will feel exactly the same about your partner 10 years down the road.

Love them, stay with them, be prepared to do the hard yards. And it is worth it.

I've been with my mate/husband now for 5 years. While I may not feel exactly the same about him, what I do find is the longer I am with him, the deeper my emotion with him goes. I find myself closer to him than in the beginning. Maybe it's just luck, I dunno, but I don't think it's immature at all to feel closer to your mate as time goes on instead of further apart on some issues. Soulmates? Perhaps.....I think it's just luck. Every time we make love that's exactly what it is...love...corny as shit I know, but we are closer now than we ever were in the beginning and we were close as hell then!!

 

[Primal_Savage]

Do you and your boyfriend talk on the phone a lot? I think it would be hard to have a LDR with a guy across the US. The reason for me is cause I would have a trust issue. Even though either way LDR or SDR they still can cheat and you wouldn't know. If I could find the right guy in any location O would try a relationship asap.

BTW Primal_Savage, Where did you meet your BF from?

Trust is a big issue, especially if both of you are aware of each other's past behavior and means of supplemental income. Yeah, we both have lots of opportunities to cheat but are both determined as hell to make this LDR work. He and I talk several times a day in addition to texting each other and emails. We met at a business conference about 5 months ago. During one of the first breaks, a friend introduced us. That evening after the dinner meeting, he and I decided to get better acquainted and headed off to local bar (that was the funniest thing as neither of us drink alcohol). I'm not going to go into a lot of details, except to say that it was several weeks later before we arranged to meet and have our first sexual laison.

 

[swoletommyboy]

OIC, is it because you haven't have time, or you just taking a break, or you might just be thinking about a relationship, but just don't know how to approach it?

Its because I'm not sure what I want right now and I'm not sure I have time for it. I moved to a new city a year ago so its hard meeting people. Back home I had a lot of "referrals" from friends so dating or hooking up was easy b/c I kinda knew what I was getting into. Now its the opposite.

 

[L4S1ICT]

Its because I'm not sure what I want right now and I'm not sure I have time for it. I moved to a new city a year ago so its hard meeting people. Back home I had a lot of "referrals" from friends so dating or hooking up was easy b/c I kinda knew what I was getting into. Now its the opposite.

oh yeah, when in a new city it will be harder, and if you are busy with work it makes it even harder, because you don't know much of what is in the area, and have to make new friends, and etc.

 

[surferboy]

when stereotype becomes the truth, the truth becomes a stereotype

 

[L4S1ICT]

when stereotype becomes the truth, the truth becomes a stereotype

Can you plz explain what that is suppose to mean?

 

[B_Hung Jon]

As a somewhat "bi" person who believes that marriage is passe and archaic, I was rather hoping that the advancement of lesbian and gay causes would lead them to create new institutions altogether rather than simply adopting and advocating for marriage.

That the state ever got entangled into what is a religious matter in the first place -- marriage -- is the problem.

Being an iconoclast, I advocate a more radical approach where new institutions are established. Let religious folk have marriage. 

Better yet, let's create entirely new ways of organizing society. That whole husband-wife-children thing just holds us to old, tired paradigms that maintain and affirm the status quo. Religiosity must give way to spirituality.

The next explosion in the collective unconscious will be the end of marriage and religion and the establishment of soul-based relationships that require neither.

I know this doesn't explain the need for monogamous relationships among LGTB peeps, but it lets me at least make a comment about a related issue.

 

[MisterMark]

Why for some reason is it so hard to find a guy who want to be in a Monogamy relationship? Every guy I have talked to they want something dealing with sex. I'm not into the one night stand thing anymore. I know I'm young, but I want more than that. I want my first time to be special, I know that sounds so lame and gay, but that is the way I feel.

Oh, there's plenty of them out there. In fact, one of my frustrations in life is that I've usually had more gay friends who are in relationships than those who are not. There was a stretch of two or three years where every gay friend of mine was in a long-term relationship. It was a little annoying, I must admit.

 

[slate_australis]

In my experience it seems to be one extreme or the other.

You either have someone who you have great sex with - but the deeper connection is consciously avoided - Or someone you feel a really strong connection with and the physical side either doesnt happen or you end up questioning what the nature of the relationship actually is, lol.