Monogamy: myth or fact

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Imported, Feb 3, 2004.

  1. Imported

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    wvalady1968: So, is any man EVER faithful? Please be honest. I really need to know the truth.

    Allie
     
  2. Imported

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    mindseye: Other:

    Got burned once and regretted it afterwards. Won't happen again. *sigh*
     
  3. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    A virgin when I married at 25, I remained 100% faithful for the 20 years we were together.

    Was it hard to do? No.

    Pecker

    We've replaced the dilithium crystals with Folgers dark roast crystals. Let's see how long it takes Scotty to notice..."
     
  4. Imported

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    pghcyclist: My partner and I are in an open relationship. I'm not sure how that fits into any of your categories.

    Some people decide that they will be monogamous, either because of social expectations or emotional committment. Knowing that your significant other is getting sexual pleasure elsewhere can be hard. However, if two adults can honestly talk about it, make decisions and then act on those mutually agreed decisions, I don't see how that is being "unfaithful".

    Scott

    ObLPSG: I was at a convention recently and shared a room with a friend. We did play a bit. The next morning, we were both back at the convention drinking coffee (from Starbucks). He had a tall, I had a vente. I looked at him and said, lifting my coffee cup, "mine is bigger than yours." He suddenly turned very red and wide eyed.
     
  5. Imported

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    Tender: well Allie i vote faithful, but sorry i know you were wanting the guys vote......
    oh been married for 8 yrs.

    maybe more will fess up later?!

    has it been hard? for me, YES.

    Tender
     
  6. Imported

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    mindseye: [quote author=pghcyclist link=board=relationships;num=1075811612;start=0#3 date=02/03/04 at 08:35:49]ObLPSG: I was at a convention recently and shared a room with a friend. We did play a bit. The next morning, we were both back at the convention drinking coffee (from Starbucks). He had a tall, I had a vente. I looked at him and said, lifting my coffee cup, "mine is bigger than yours." He suddenly turned very red and wide eyed. [/quote]

    ...and what better example of ego-marketing than calling the smallest size a "tall"?
     
  7. Imported

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    tomarctus: I've always had open relationships with my men. They always worked smoothly and there was never any jealousy. For me faithful refers to the emotional connection between us, not to sex. To be perfectly honest, I am polyandrous by nature and by choice.
     
  8. B_RoysToy

    B_RoysToy New Member

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    [quote author=pghcyclist link=board=relationships;num=1075811612;start=0#3 date=02/03/04 at 08:35:49]

    ObLPSG: I was at a convention recently and shared a room with a friend.  We did play a bit.  The next morning, we were both back at the convention drinking coffee (from Starbucks).  He had a tall, I had a vente.  I looked at him and said, lifting my coffee cup, "mine is bigger than yours."  He suddenly turned very red and wide eyed.  

    [/quote]
    My friend and I went to a restaurant one evening and ordered frog legs. When we were served he looked up at me and asked: " How many legs do you have?" I told him "three" and asked: "How about you?" His reply was: "Three, but not as big as yours".

    It was funny at the time1 :D

    Luke
     
  9. B_RoysToy

    B_RoysToy New Member

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    I was not faithful, but gave in to my same sex drive. This is the reason for my divorce after 29 years.
     
  10. Imported

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    bkozy54: My partner (of 10 years) and I are faithful to each other. We agreed early on in our relationship, that if either one of us wanted to be sexual with another person we would tell each other about it. The agreement was about honesty & communication in our relationship; especially since we had both been in relationships that were about power & control. When we have been sexual with other people, it has been as a couple . . . which is really hot!
     
  11. BobLeeSwagger

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    I'm not in a relationship now, but I've never cheated on a woman I was with. If I were tempted enough to sleep with someone else, I would reconsider the relationship first.

    A lot of guys claim monogamy is unnatural to excuse their own personal philosophy. I think that for some people it doesn't work, for others it's the only way. The real issue, in my opinion, is not whether someone is monogamous or not, but whether someone is honest with him/herself and their partners about it.
     
  12. Imported

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    Thumper_10x7_CA: Me and my b/f are in an unlocked relationship also. We call it unlocked because we do like to play with others, but it has to be either together, or at least with the other present and with full consent. Interestingly we have different tastes in the type of men we like to have sex with so sometimes he'll invite his "type" or I'll invite my "type." Preferably we both invite someone over so we can all play together.
    We've found that since we've unlocked our relationship, we've grown a stronger bond to each other.
     
  13. Imported

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    MischievousOne: I checked the momogamous dial, though that's not EXACTLY true. I've been in monogamous relationships where we wound up playing together after years of being together. I think that monogamy is something of a myth for men. We ARE capable of doing it, but when the option arises to experience something new, it becomes a decision about hurting your lover, expanding your relationship, or doing nothing. I guess then it depends on the kind of person you are and how well you communicate with your partner.
     
  14. Imported

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    SpeedoGuy: Once I commit to a serious relationship, I always remain 100% monogamous. Never cheated.

    Temptations? Were there ever! But the value of the relationship is far more important than the brief thrill of a fling.

    SG
     
  15. Imported

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    josh82823: Being relatively new to the gay world, thus not having many serious relationships, it sure seems as though monogamy is not something most guys are looking for.

    My ideal relationship would be one of total monogamy. My goal is to fall in love, where neither of us want anyone else - together or alone.

    Guess I should change my nick to John Boy...... :D
     
  16. Imported

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    mindseye: [quote author=josh82823 link=board=relationships;num=1075811612;start=0#14 date=02/05/04 at 17:27:09]It sure seems as though monogamy is not something most guys are looking for.

    My ideal relationship would be one of total monogamy. My goal is to fall in love, where neither of us want anyone else - together or alone.
    [/quote]

    It seems that more and more of my circle of friends are discovering that they're 'polyamorous'. Personally, I dislike that word, because I've noticed that some of them really are polyamorous, and some of them are just slutty. ;)

    I don't think it's wrong to seek monogamy -- but I want you to critically examine your reasons for doing so. If your reasons for wanting a monogamous relationship come from within you, that's fine.

    But a lot of people seek out monogamous relationships out of deference to other people's expectations and ideals. We hear the story of the prince who finds Cinderella with the glass slipper, or of Sleeping Beauty being woken by a special kiss, or whatever -- from youth we're indoctrinated by the idea that relationships come in pairs. No other relationship dynamic is given the legitimacy in this culture that the monogamous pairing is given. If your reasons for wanting a monogamous relationship come from this unexamined indoctrination -- you want it because you've always wanted it, because June and Ward Cleaver had it and look how happy they are -- then you're likely to find the relationship only momentarily satisfying, like being able to check an item off a list.

    Me, I'm a serial monogamist -- I lack whatever mental energy is needed to be able to focus my love, affection, and attention on more than one person. When I'm in a relationship with one man, I don't have the desire to seek someone else. (Or sometimes I do have the desire to seek someone else so I can dump this guy! ;) )

    Do I require that my partners be monogamous as well? Sorta, but not exactly. My rule for partners is "no overnight sleep-overs". Screw around (safely, please) if you gotta, but come back home to me when you're done so I know everything's still okay here.
     
  17. Imported

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    Javierdude22: Faithfull

    But, yes, the mind wonders sometimes...but merely wonders...I never put an action to it.

    I find it pretty stunning and weird at the same time that so many people can separate emotional and sexual committment to a person. I always thought that that was a part of humans being civilized. And that one was tied to the other, at least if you want to reach the maximum in emotional committment.

    Tell me...to the people in -open- relationships...what is the prime reason for you to have sex with more than one person, when you are in a relationship? The prime, spontaneous reason.
     
  18. Imported

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    tomarctus: Some thoughts on words:
    Monogamy, monagamous = one woman
    Monandry, monandrous = one man
    Polygamy, polygamous = many women
    Polyandry, polyandrous = many men
    Polyamory, polyamorous = many loves, many lovers
     
  19. Imported

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    tomarctus: I think there are some fundamental differences between male-male relationships, female-female relationships and male-female relationships in regard to the interpersonal dynamics. There is enough material in this topic to fill many books and still leave us all where we stand now.

    Add children into the mix and suddenly a massively important factor influences the relationship. I am not qualified by experience to speak on that topic. It is crucially important but somebody else, some sage individual, needs to be the voice there. My theory is that it is crucial to maintain a veneer of monogamy/monandry during the years up to 18 for the sake of the children. Sometimes casual safe sex can be a stress reliever without destroying the love relationship. An affair, however, can take up so much time and energy to "wait out" when children are in the picture.

    I do know, however, gay male relationships, mine and those of my friends. Some are truely faithful, some have tried for monandry and failed, some have tried unsusscefully to be open, some have succeded for decades open and faithful. In every case it seems each partner has tried the best he could.

    I support each relationship as the partners define it. One of the special factors of being gay after the civil rights movement and gay revolution is the creation of new and socially valid ways of living. No more hiding in the closet. No more police raids.

    J'dude24: When I am in a relationship I and my partner are (we hope) emotionally comitted to each other. Sex with others, either together or individually, is allowed. Affairs are much more emotionally difficult. I always said I would wait one out if my partner had one, but never had the desire to enter one and would have said no. The freedom to have a "quickie" usually de-fuses the tension to go out and find one. it can be extremely liberating.

    This is way too much food for thought so I will pack up my soapbox.
     
  20. Imported

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    mindseye: [quote author=tomarctus link=board=relationships;num=1075811612;start=0#17 date=02/05/04 at 20:52:18]Some thoughts on words:
    Monogamy, monagamous = one woman
    Monandry, monandrous = one man
    Polygamy, polygamous = many women
    Polyandry, polyandrous = many men
    Polyamory, polyamorous = many loves, many lovers[/quote]

    Pardon me for being pedantic, but the words "monogamy" and "polygamy" aren't female-specific -- in these customs, the practice of one/many partners applies equally to both sexes.

    There are specific terms for the customs of having one/many wives: "monogyny" and "polygyny". (In these words, the 'g' is soft, as in 'pigeon'.)
     
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