likeitmatters: My partner and I are in an open relationship. I'm not sure how that fits into any of your categories...
I am in a closed relationship with my partner and I have never ever strayed from his side. I have waited for 20 years for him to come into my life and after almost 6 years, he stills wants to work me over and finds me sexy even if my hair is messy and not looking all that good.
We are in the manority in the gay community and find that making platonic friends are not easy at all, which is find. For the most part we are very much into ourselves and do not participate in marches, gay events, bear parties or group sex..which to coin a phrase..been there and done that. I am truly happy with him and could never ever see being without him...
I hope this answers your questions...
I am in a closed relationship with my partner and I have never ever strayed from his side. I have waited for 20 years for him to come into my life and after almost 6 years, he stills wants to work me over and finds me sexy even if my hair is messy and not looking all that good.
We are in the manority in the gay community and find that making platonic friends are not easy at all, which is find. For the most part we are very much into ourselves and do not participate in marches, gay events, bear parties or group sex..which to coin a phrase..been there and done that. I am truly happy with him and could never ever see being without him...
I hope this answers your questions...
pghcyclist:
Hmmmm... Even though we have an open relationship, we have platonic friends. As for monogamy (or whatever) I'm also not sure that you are in a minority or not. As has been noted, the LGBT community has different social mores than the heterosexual community. We get to define our relationships. They are not defined by prescribed social expectations of a single man-woman pairing (preferably with children). You and your other half have simply chosen the model that makes you comfortable.
Hmmmm... Even though we have an open relationship, we have platonic friends. As for monogamy (or whatever) I'm also not sure that you are in a minority or not. As has been noted, the LGBT community has different social mores than the heterosexual community. We get to define our relationships. They are not defined by prescribed social expectations of a single man-woman pairing (preferably with children). You and your other half have simply chosen the model that makes you comfortable.
tomarctus: mindseye:
Thank you for the correction, you are absolutely right. I know I must have been both tired and philosophical. My mind was definitely dull on that one.
jonb:
That was great extra information, too.
likeitmatters:
I don't know why you and your partner have trouble making platonic friends. I'm not aware of any ill feelings in the gay community toward monogamy. It might have more to do with the fact that, as you put it, you are very much into yourselves and don't socialize at gay events. I'm not being critical, that's just the life you guys chose.
Thank you for the correction, you are absolutely right. I know I must have been both tired and philosophical. My mind was definitely dull on that one.
jonb:
That was great extra information, too.
likeitmatters:
I don't know why you and your partner have trouble making platonic friends. I'm not aware of any ill feelings in the gay community toward monogamy. It might have more to do with the fact that, as you put it, you are very much into yourselves and don't socialize at gay events. I'm not being critical, that's just the life you guys chose.
cjb76: Actually I'd like to say that even though all the "open" relationships in the gay world seem to get publicized as the norm... there is a "silent majority" that avoids the scene, and wants true love.
I thought I was alone in that thinking, but after posting a profile with those thoughts... the response was overwhelming of just e-mails not looking for hook-ups but just "don't give up"
If you truly love someone, there is no desire elsewhere, they are your world... if that's not the case then you're not "in love" with them. So for all the "open" relationships... it's insulting to compare it to an "open" marriage or a true love relationship.... call it what it is... "Best friends that fuck" ... which in all the posts there's always some big paragraph trying to justify, calrify or substantiate to more then that.
And what's more and more common, is that the next generation, those that are young and open in HS, want the whole deal, what usually happens is they fall for the older jaded one, give they're all, get burned and never have the courage to give their all again.
What usually solidifies my opinion more is the times I messed with the "open" couples when I was young and stupid, and I'd be open with my ideas, and it was always one of the couple... that would pull me aside and say "when I was your age I wanted that too... I settled/gave up." In the gay world there's A LOT of lonely single guys.... A LOT... some give up on true love and settle for the other guys who want their cake and eat it too, more out of companionship then love.
That's my two cents from living in Los Angeles, NYC, Miami and midwest small towns... and working in the biggest clubs in the country and bringing this topic up tons of times during Happy Hour...lol...
Tons of gay guys want the whole deal, they're usually just living quiet lives out of the spotlight and patiently waiting for someone else to have the courage to give their all. JMHO
I thought I was alone in that thinking, but after posting a profile with those thoughts... the response was overwhelming of just e-mails not looking for hook-ups but just "don't give up"
If you truly love someone, there is no desire elsewhere, they are your world... if that's not the case then you're not "in love" with them. So for all the "open" relationships... it's insulting to compare it to an "open" marriage or a true love relationship.... call it what it is... "Best friends that fuck" ... which in all the posts there's always some big paragraph trying to justify, calrify or substantiate to more then that.
And what's more and more common, is that the next generation, those that are young and open in HS, want the whole deal, what usually happens is they fall for the older jaded one, give they're all, get burned and never have the courage to give their all again.
What usually solidifies my opinion more is the times I messed with the "open" couples when I was young and stupid, and I'd be open with my ideas, and it was always one of the couple... that would pull me aside and say "when I was your age I wanted that too... I settled/gave up." In the gay world there's A LOT of lonely single guys.... A LOT... some give up on true love and settle for the other guys who want their cake and eat it too, more out of companionship then love.
That's my two cents from living in Los Angeles, NYC, Miami and midwest small towns... and working in the biggest clubs in the country and bringing this topic up tons of times during Happy Hour...lol...
Tons of gay guys want the whole deal, they're usually just living quiet lives out of the spotlight and patiently waiting for someone else to have the courage to give their all. JMHO
tomarctus: cjb76:
I honor and respect your preference for monogamous relationships. You are a thoughtful guy.
I need to differ on one thing you said:
[quote author=cjb76 link=board=relationships;num=1075811612;start=20#25 date=02/06/04 at 10:47:40]If you truly love someone, there is no desire elsewhere, they are your world... if that's not the case then you're not "in love" with them. So for all the "open" relationships... it's insulting to compare it to an "open" marriage or a true love relationship.... call it what it is... "Best friends that fuck" ... which in all the posts there's always some big paragraph trying to justify, calrify or substantiate to more then that.[/quote]
I will not accept anyone telling me that the love I had, and still have for my ex-partner was not "true" love. It absolutely was. We did have an open relationship and it worked just fine. The factors that led to the break-up had nothing to do with the form of the relationship. I just ask you to honor and respect the love my ex and I had for each other. You can consider this my "big paragraph trying to justify, clarify or substantiate to more than that". Evidently, if so many guys respond the way I do there must be a grain of truth there.
I honor and respect your preference for monogamous relationships. You are a thoughtful guy.
I need to differ on one thing you said:
[quote author=cjb76 link=board=relationships;num=1075811612;start=20#25 date=02/06/04 at 10:47:40]If you truly love someone, there is no desire elsewhere, they are your world... if that's not the case then you're not "in love" with them. So for all the "open" relationships... it's insulting to compare it to an "open" marriage or a true love relationship.... call it what it is... "Best friends that fuck" ... which in all the posts there's always some big paragraph trying to justify, calrify or substantiate to more then that.[/quote]
I will not accept anyone telling me that the love I had, and still have for my ex-partner was not "true" love. It absolutely was. We did have an open relationship and it worked just fine. The factors that led to the break-up had nothing to do with the form of the relationship. I just ask you to honor and respect the love my ex and I had for each other. You can consider this my "big paragraph trying to justify, clarify or substantiate to more than that". Evidently, if so many guys respond the way I do there must be a grain of truth there.
cjb76: I never doubted that there isn't a "love" aspect to it, but to call it "true love" while you fuck everyone else hypocritical, since you're not giving your entire being ... heart, soul, body to the other person, since you're sharing your physical self with other people..so there's nothing unique about sleeping with your partner after you just slept with someone an hour ago.
And true love is forever and grows over time. And I've known many gay men that have found it.. some together 20-30 years and still going and the others that are single only due to being widowed.
... ask any gay or straight couple of 20, 30, or 50 years seven though the divorce rate is high there's still the 30-40% still together.... true love is a rare thing, but when you find it, it's pretty much amazing to see two people after 50 years still look into each others eyes like they were 20 and on a date again.
And true love is forever and grows over time. And I've known many gay men that have found it.. some together 20-30 years and still going and the others that are single only due to being widowed.
... ask any gay or straight couple of 20, 30, or 50 years seven though the divorce rate is high there's still the 30-40% still together.... true love is a rare thing, but when you find it, it's pretty much amazing to see two people after 50 years still look into each others eyes like they were 20 and on a date again.
pghcyclist:
I'm going to take exception to this too.
I never said I fuck everyone else. I may have sex with a few people that I feel an emotional connection to, but that does not minimize my emotional connection to my life partner (and the same goes for him). We have agreed to share our life together -- the good and the bad. We have sex and we enjoy it. Whether we have sex together with other people, or choose to have sex apart with another person really doesn't diminish our love and committment to each other, regardless of what you may think about it.
I'm going to take exception to this too.
I never said I fuck everyone else. I may have sex with a few people that I feel an emotional connection to, but that does not minimize my emotional connection to my life partner (and the same goes for him). We have agreed to share our life together -- the good and the bad. We have sex and we enjoy it. Whether we have sex together with other people, or choose to have sex apart with another person really doesn't diminish our love and committment to each other, regardless of what you may think about it.
tomarctus:
I will not have anyone diminish the love I have felt for anyone. I ask for that love to be respected.
There's always something unique about sex with my primary partner. Always.
Even in realtionships with "true love" there can be other factors that lead to the end of that relationship other than being widowed.
I will not have anyone diminish the love I have felt for anyone. I ask for that love to be respected.
tomarctus: cjb76:
I really don't want to get into a battle. I said that I respected your life choices. I ask only for you to accept mine and respect that what I say about them is the truth.
I really don't want to get into a battle. I said that I respected your life choices. I ask only for you to accept mine and respect that what I say about them is the truth.
wvalady1968: What is it about the testosterone set that you all have to turn everything into a competition?
CJ, love, I have to respectfully agree with Scott and tom. It isn't up to a third party to determine who loves whom. [Like that grammatical touch?]
Besides, this is about whether or not guys can be monogamous. I've seen studies that have predicted [no pun] that up to 90% of men cheat. So far, this unscientific poll shows that more than 40% of you all are faithful. That's a good sign.
Allie
:-*
CJ, love, I have to respectfully agree with Scott and tom. It isn't up to a third party to determine who loves whom. [Like that grammatical touch?]
Besides, this is about whether or not guys can be monogamous. I've seen studies that have predicted [no pun] that up to 90% of men cheat. So far, this unscientific poll shows that more than 40% of you all are faithful. That's a good sign.
Allie
:-*
wvalady1968: That's funny!!
"All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun. "
"All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun. "
thingsteal: [quote author=wvalady1968 link=board=relationships;num=1075811612;start=0#0 date=02/03/04 at 04:24:32]So, is any man EVER faithful? Please be honest. I really need to know the truth.[/quote]
100% faithful, even when I was dating chicks back in high school and college.
Yes, even when I knew the relationship was falling apart and we were going to break up anyway.
100% faithful, even when I was dating chicks back in high school and college.
Yes, even when I knew the relationship was falling apart and we were going to break up anyway.
likeitmatters: I did not think there would be such a response and I truly appreciate all.
To answer one posters response about making friends.
It has been my observance and I could be wrong that it would appear that you have your friends and then you have your ..Fuck Buddies who are your friends.. Well when I was younger much younger I had my share or at least my share of that but wanted more..To me having sex without reason or feeling made the whole act boring and not worth the effort.
My partner feels the same way and we are into each other big time. Till he had his attack 4 years ago, we went to work together sat across from each other and went to lunch together and were always together but that came to an end. He has not worked in a few years so I miss having there. He is my best friend lover confidant and most of all, my sex fiend lol.
Love is a strange word sometimes to define in the gay or strait community having been on both sides and still love a woman in a pair of spandex shorts....hummmm however that is another time and place to talk about it.
Once again thank you for all your responses...
To answer one posters response about making friends.
It has been my observance and I could be wrong that it would appear that you have your friends and then you have your ..Fuck Buddies who are your friends.. Well when I was younger much younger I had my share or at least my share of that but wanted more..To me having sex without reason or feeling made the whole act boring and not worth the effort.
My partner feels the same way and we are into each other big time. Till he had his attack 4 years ago, we went to work together sat across from each other and went to lunch together and were always together but that came to an end. He has not worked in a few years so I miss having there. He is my best friend lover confidant and most of all, my sex fiend lol.
Love is a strange word sometimes to define in the gay or strait community having been on both sides and still love a woman in a pair of spandex shorts....hummmm however that is another time and place to talk about it.
Once again thank you for all your responses...
[quote author=wvalady1968 link=board=relationships;num=1075811612;start=20#31 date=02/06/04 at 17:25:34]
Besides, this is about whether or not guys can be monogamous. I've seen studies that have predicted [no pun] that up to 90% of men cheat. So far, this unscientific poll shows that more than 40% of you all are faithful. That's a good sign.
Allie
:-*[/quote]
There are also studies that suggest that the "infidelity gap" between men and women is narrowing and that among those under 30, it's almost the same. Quite a few theories have been trotted out for this (increasing financial independence among women, breakdown of "morality", whatever). In the animal kingdom, many female species regularly seek to be impregnated by other males in hopes that her mate will raise them by mistake. Another study in England reported that about 10% of a local population had a different father than they and their fathers had been led to believe!
I wonder if men just have more reasons to cheat from a social point of view, and whether the infidelity rates would be the same in some situations.
Besides, this is about whether or not guys can be monogamous. I've seen studies that have predicted [no pun] that up to 90% of men cheat. So far, this unscientific poll shows that more than 40% of you all are faithful. That's a good sign.
Allie
:-*[/quote]
There are also studies that suggest that the "infidelity gap" between men and women is narrowing and that among those under 30, it's almost the same. Quite a few theories have been trotted out for this (increasing financial independence among women, breakdown of "morality", whatever). In the animal kingdom, many female species regularly seek to be impregnated by other males in hopes that her mate will raise them by mistake. Another study in England reported that about 10% of a local population had a different father than they and their fathers had been led to believe!
I wonder if men just have more reasons to cheat from a social point of view, and whether the infidelity rates would be the same in some situations.
gushiggins: Allie, dear, you know my story, and I do hope that you take it as an extreme situation gone awry.
For those of you who don't know, let's just say that what I'm doing is not only wrong, but it's specifically illegal in at least three different ways. Ironically, one of them is not adultery.
That being said, I want to let everyone know that Baghdad can really mess with a person's mind, libido, and psyche.
-Z
For those of you who don't know, let's just say that what I'm doing is not only wrong, but it's specifically illegal in at least three different ways. Ironically, one of them is not adultery.
That being said, I want to let everyone know that Baghdad can really mess with a person's mind, libido, and psyche.
-Z
wvalady1968: Z, I know you're in a very difficult situation, and I know that you're a good man. Besides, we're here to support each other.
BTW, your post, i.e. "specifically illegal in at least three different ways" could be misleading. Just assure the folks that no farm animals are involved.
:-*
BTW, your post, i.e. "specifically illegal in at least three different ways" could be misleading. Just assure the folks that no farm animals are involved.
:-*
