Morals and Myself

[Symphonic]

Alright, flat out I am strongly against drinking of alcohol though I do not condemn nor speak out against those who do it on a normal basis. However recently I left my girlfriend because she drinks, and wishes to drink in an even greater amount; she drinks primarily to get drunk and though she lowered this intake for me she shows dissatisfaction with the restraints and strain on her ability to drink with friends.

I left because of the conflict of interest, and while I feel horrible I was told by basically all people two truths:

1. I am going against the social norm by not drinking at my age ( young adult 18 ~ 23 or something ) and thus I would have a hard time finding a partner with my beliefs.

2. I have the right to stand behind my beliefs and I should not feel guilty.

Now I didn't just up and leave; it had been two years with these events going on. I think I did the right thing because my reasoning is solid as a rock ( it's unhealthy and has been a known agent in many problems, etc. ) but I am not asking for sympathy so much as I am asking for your opinion on two things.

1. Should I accept that people drink, dropping my morals ( or attempting to ) altogether in order to fit in since I am the odd one out?

2. Have you ever had to make such a decision?

Thanks.

 

[killerb]

You should never compromise your morals...just be careful not to discard people because they don't share them...

Yes I have made decisions similar to yours. I've had friends who got into things I would never get into myself...while I'm not the morals police, I do know that there are certain things I do not want to be around...so I decided to keep my distance from those people...I was still friendly toward them, but I just wouldn't hang out with them anymore.

 

[B_Nick4444]

do not compromise on your morals

but, recognize them within the larger context (if you are Christian, for example, you know that you stick to your morals, but do disregard or belittle those who hold other morals, or have none)

which also means, what is the intent or consequence of any action you take as a result of adhering to your morals

do not forget there is a hierarchy within which all morals are placed

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

Your beliefs are your beliefs. You are entitled to have them. What you are not entitled to do and are a little overbearing in doing is forcing your own beliefs upon other people; namely your girlfriend.

For example, I don't like smoking. If I had a girlfriend who smoked I might ask her to cut down. What I would not do is to stop her from smoking or restrict the amount of time she was out with her friends smoking.

I have made similar decisions but they were personal decisions and unique to myself. I didn't then try to force my own beliefs on anyone else. Even if I may have wanted to, I came to the conclusion that I don't speak for anyone but myself and I have no right to tell other people what they should or shouldn't be doing. Unless the person is retarded or otherwise mentally deficient, they can make up their own mind.

 

[D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead]

You can ask for whatever you want. You then have to take the results of that action, whether it's finding the perfect person to be with, or alienating all your friends. You sound pretty passionate about the drinking thing, so I wouldn't change anything.

 

[Gillette]

1. Should I accept that people drink, dropping my morals ( or attempting to ) altogether in order to fit in since I am the odd one out?

2. Have you ever had to make such a decision?

1. Accept that people drink, certainly. It doesn't make them bad people. But you aren't required to accept that as part of your life if the level to which they drink isn't comfortable to you.

2. Yes. It was one of several factors in my ending my engagement. Every social interaction for him involved alcohol and beer was a daily beverage. Regardless of the amount of his consumption he was always his amiable self so behaviour was never the problem. The smell, for me, was. I can smell the residuals of beer that sweats out of the skin. I find it extremely cloying. Sleeping next to that on nights he had been drinking heavily was unpleasant. Even if he showered before bed the smell would be back by morning.

Before I get jumped on please remember that this was just one of many factors that went into my decision.

 

[Montjoy]

What I'm not clear on from your post is why this is a moral issue?
I don't drink either, but that is a personal choice for ME. Depending on your particular take on alcohol, demon rum or whatever, I do wonder what you were thinking in becoming involved with a woman who obviously doesn't share this moral system. It's really not her problem, but yours.

 

[Honey123]

You should never compromise your morals. If you feel like something is wrong and you do it, you will regret it. It is part of our inner compass and helps keep us on track. But, you cannot impose your morals or ideals onto other people - they will resent you.

For me, the key words you said are not that she likes to drink and you don't, it's that she likes to drink to get drunk. Although heavy drinking during college years often lightens up as the person matures and they reduce their intake to a more socially acceptable 2-3 drinks when out, for many more balance is never found. One of the key indicators of having a problem with alcohol is the attitude that there is never enough. Reaching the buzz and tapering off is how most mature people drink. Social drinkers know their limit and stop at that. They might occasionally have one too many, but most often use moderation. People that have or may develop problems go for the gusto when drinking. Blackouts are not normal, they are actually one of the first - and strongest - signs that there is a problem.

When I was 19 years old I was such a mess that my step-father intervened and took me to an AA meeting. It took a few more confrontations with him before I went back the second time, but I haven't had a drink since and will never regret having made the choice to live without drinking. I believe that I am alive and well because of it.

Which is better? To fit in and do what others do? Or, to be happy healthy and alive with integrity?

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

don't be that severe on others. Okey binge drinking is not good, but a frink once in a while isn't bad. I rarely drink alcohol, but don't mind others drinking it if they don't dorce me to drink too.

 

[B_Artful Dodger]

1) DO NOT DROP YOUR MORALS! Stick with em mate, people will respect you way more if you stick to your guns... Dont be a sheep. You can always have just as much of a good time staying sober (and i guarantee you will be the one still smiling in the morning. lol)
However dont pressure others into feeling guilty or anythin... Just live and let live :smile:

2) I've never personally had to make a similar decision... but one of my mates had to leave a gf, cus she was a smoker and hes an asthmatic. She wasn't willing to give it up so he decided it couldn't work. I know your reason wasn't medical... but its similar. lol

 

[Xcuze]

don't be that severe on others. Okey binge drinking is not good, but a frink once in a while isn't bad. I rarely drink alcohol, but don't mind others drinking it if they don't dorce me to drink too.

frink?

Fuck + Drink = Frink


:biggrin1:

 

[B_Artful Dodger]

frink?

Fuck + Drink = Frink

Lol. I like that thinking :biggrin1:

 

[deleted3782]

1. Should I accept that people drink, dropping my morals ( or attempting to ) altogether in order to fit in since I am the odd one out

Drinking aside, there is no obligation that you have to date anyone. I hear that there are some people who never date anyone their whole life. Its up to you.

2. Have you ever had to make such a decision?

Not recently. I try to recongnize that my way isn't always the right way(especially the older I get) and that people with different values can often be of great value to me (to some extent). I try to stay open minded.

 

[D_Portelay Porquesword]

1. Should I accept that people drink, dropping my morals ( or attempting to ) altogether in order to fit in since I am the odd one out? I see two questions, so here are two opinions: 1. Accepting that people drink, understanding it has nothing to do with you. It merely is, unless you choose to participate. 2. Sacrificing anything you believe in, in order to fit in is never a good idea. Finding a happy medium is key, sure you can socialize with these people to an extent. If you are TRULY happy with your decision to not drink, then it won't be a problem for you to obey the impulse to leave after a point and be somewhere else you are more comfortable.

2. Have you ever had to make such a decision? Yes. Many times. I also failed many times and as a result paid a very high price for the lesson in not trusting and following through with what I felt was right for myself. This applies to many other aspects to living as I see it. Good luck with everything!!!!

 

[fak_et]

Fuck morals, everything in moderation and use common sense.

 

[Charles Finn]

I do not drink often it is a choice
I resent the fact that you can get drunk but i can't have my weed thats just wrong plus i come from a family of drunks and i worked in a bar for 2 years

 

[nicenycdick]

Believe what you believe. Feel what you feel. Desire what you desire.

You must, however, live with the consequences. Every decision, every choice we make in life both opens us possibilities and slams some doors shut. The balance is up to you.

Many cultures absolutely forbid the consumption of alcohol. Some people refuse to use modern machinery. My brother will not eat asparagus.

Never apologize for your convictions...or your decision to modify them.

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

frink?

Fuck + Drink = Frink


:biggrin1:

Yeah frink, I like my idea that i didn't knew before :biggrin1:

 

[dc9]

Well I recently left a very long relationship for many reasons, and one of them was because I am trying to maintain my sobriety and I was not being given the opportunity to go to AA meetings.
I have moved in with a man who does drink, but supports my decision not to and my need for support.
So I can see why this is an important issue for you.
Best of luck my friend.
DC

 

[SilverSoldier]

As stated, stick to your morals. I never drank, and am past 50 and have no desire to drink now. However, I have friends who do, and I go to bars occasionally to socialize with them. I've learned that a social drink is one thing. Getting plastered constantly is another. People who need to get drunk in social situations to feel comfortable, I usually avoid. I'm not judging them, it's just that I don't get to know who they are without being drunk.

It's hard, when you make such decisions, to not judge others. But with a little experience, some patience, and a little maturity, you can keep your morals, not be another person's judge, and still be happy about all of it. I've never regretted my decision to not drink. When people ask why I don't drink, I just say I have personal reasons and leave it at that. Some admire my decision, while others clearly deride it. Those who deride I usually just don't acknowledge, although once I told the guy that wasn't deriding his decision to drink. Later, we had a pleasant conversation.

Stick to you guns about your decisions, and it sounds like your friend may be drinking too much. But that's her decision, not yours. The way to handle it is to say you like being around her when she's not drunk, and so you'll limit your interaction with her to when she's sober.

Just my thoughts.