while all that your write below is true,
As you mention, lots of folks conflate: Attraction, Actions and Romantic interests and Identity.
In any one person those first three attributes can align perfectly or be discordant across them and that alignment can inform that person's experience of their Identity.
A straight identified man, who has only ever had sex with women, only ever been attracted to women and only fallen in love with women, can find himself in a situation (altered consciousness, prison, military, desperate for resources etc) where he is just in a situation of having sex with a man.
Maybe that experience causes him to re-evaluate and say: "Maybe I'm Bi..." but just as likely, he internalizes that he's still only attracted to women, and romantically interested in women, even if he has now become bisexual by activity. I can see that person still identifying as: straight. If conditions are optimal, he would never act bisexually; but life is rife with non-optimal conditions.
And that doesn't even touch on people that I've known who romantically bond with only one sex and yet still finding more than one sex fuckable. Or guys who are so attracted to feminine/masculine appearances that they feel attraction to anyone that trips that aesthetic, no matter the genitalia involved. Add on kinks and fetishes like submission/domination and CNC and it just ramps up even further.
Human Gender is incredibly complex.
Human Sexuality is incredibly complex.
I feel it's worth noting that Human self identity is cobbled together from our understanding of the intersections of those two incredibly complex concepts, for. ourselves.
My rule of thumb is: I don't get to tell or define anyone else but me.. Whether it's gender, sexuality or identity>
If a man tells me he is straight, even while he's balls deep in my throat; he's straight.. that's his identity, I don't get a vote.
example: I'm Bi even though it has been decades since I've felt an attraction to a woman or acted on it and I've never been romantically attracted to a woman.
It's long been understood that sexuality exists on a range from exclusively straight to exclusively gay, and the distribution is probably like a "bell curve" -- with most folks somewhere in the middle. It's also been understood that people's curiosities are not static and that while someone may be more on the straight end of the distribution, they may have interests from time to time that are elsewhere on the spectrum.
All of this is to say: people may identify one way, but they may have occasional interests and inclinations, and those activities do not necessarily change how they identify over the long term. Sexuality and sexual desire is fluid, and the minute you try to pigeon-hole anyone, they will defy that... and that's not because they're doing anything wrong -- it's that your attempt to define them statically as one thing or another is ill-conceived and always going to be trying to pin down a moving target.
As one commentator said: there's a difference between how you identify yourself in your own mind, how you act in view of others, and what actually goes on in your head when you're jerking off. The more closely aligned those three things are, the more sexually fulfilled you may be. But some people are not aligned on those three things and the more divergent, the more conflicted their lives will be.
