Thanks for sharing. Why haven't you had more partners?
Thank you so much..
I wanted to have more partners, sadly I got fixated on 2 of the guys I had a fling with...you know, I caught feelings
I was told that by them, it wouldn't work because they have someone else..sadly I knew that too and still I wanted them. So, I got rejected and I was devastated. So I started working longer hours and more holidays, more shifts and when I didn't work. I would lock myself in the house with windows closed and hide from the outside world. I felt like I was too ugly to date and felt lower than a snake shadow. I didn't even have mirrors in my apartment. Couldn't bear to see myself... my whole attitude changed. I cut off all contact with the guys I had a fling with. Infatuated with being a character..someone who wasn't forgiving and dark....
Years passed, mid 40s now and I started seeing a therapist and I started working on myself. Reading ancient philosophy and listening to positive podcasts and yes, I'm a work in progress.. I know now how to love me more and more each day. I meditate daily, along with exercise. I have gone on a couple of dates this year before the pandemic, but nothing worked. So, here I am. I know one day I will have a partner. Just not pursuing anyone now. I will never allow someone to have that much control over me again.