Mother = God?

[Incocknito]

So this is for my "friend" again. Basically he has impregnated an almighty being.

It seems that legally he is just a sperm donor and has no say in any matters relating to the almighty foetus / baby.

She is coming up with some really fucking stupid names. She also said that the almighty spawn will not even have his surname.

Is there any way possible that he could have some sort of say or contribution in regard to the child's name?

It is pretty annoying because she is basically excluding him and forgetting about him. But I'm sure she will remember when it's time to pay child support!

Anyone know if there's any recourse via UK law or something? She can't be reasoned with.

 

[redz_rule]

You are going to need to see a solicitor. As far as I know, unmarried fathers don't have any automatic legal rights - you need to get 'parental responsibility'. You are classed as having parental responsibility if you register the baby's birth together and you are on the birth certificate - if that doesn't happen it starts to get more involved...

Understanding Parental Responsibility - Law And Parents

Going by the adverts on the radio this area of law is gaining momentum in much the same way as personal injury law did... but in all honesty if you can just bite your tongue and play nice she may not even think to exclude you from the birth certificate.

Given the circumstances, I'm not surprised she would want the baby to have her name tbh.

 

[dolfette]

under uk law?
he's screwed.

 

[coachreffn]

We would need a lot more information about their relationship in order to assist. There are recourses he can take in UK/Euro law but they may have a pre-arrangement that might supercede his rights as a father. I take it that they are not married and do not expect to be married. That defines their relationship however it does NOT define the parental one. He has rights.

 

[dolfette]

in uk law, he has very few.

i've taken advantage of this myself.
it was way easier than having to go to court to keep him away. if i started the job alone then i could finish it alone.

 

[Incocknito]

You are going to need to see a solicitor. As far as I know, unmarried fathers don't have any automatic legal rights - you need to get 'parental responsibility'. You are classed as having parental responsibility if you register the baby's birth together and you are on the birth certificate - if that doesn't happen it starts to get more involved...

Understanding Parental Responsibility - Law And Parents

Going by the adverts on the radio this area of law is gaining momentum in much the same way as personal injury law did... but in all honesty if you can just bite your tongue and play nice she may not even think to exclude you from the birth certificate.

Given the circumstances, I'm not surprised she would want the baby to have her name tbh.

Not wanting to have the last name I can just about understand. But she isn't allowing him any input into any name. She is doing whatever she wants. It would at least be something if my "friend" could choose the first or second name. But she won't even let him do that, or even suggest a name.

We would need a lot more information about their relationship in order to assist. There are recourses he can take in UK/Euro law but they may have a pre-arrangement that might supercede his rights as a father. I take it that they are not married and do not expect to be married. That defines their relationship however it does NOT define the parental one. He has rights.

They are unmarried and don't expect to be married. What are these rights of which you speak?

I read up on parental responsibility and it still appears that ultimately the mother can do what she wants and the father is powerless.

 

[dolfette]

I read up on parental responsibility and it still appears that ultimately the mother can do what she wants and the father is powerless.

if they aren't married, if she doesn't invite him to put his name on the birth certificate, you're absolutely right.

if he was an upstanding member of society with an impeccable reputation and a very expensive legal team, he'd still have a struggle on his hands.

 

[wallyj84]

So even if his name is not on the birth certificate, he will still be expected to pay child support?

 

[OhWiseOne]

Quit the crying. He stuck his dick in without a thought so why should she give him the time of day. She is at fault for this situation also but he is fucked.

On a brighter note maybe as time progresses she will step back and allow him into the childs life, if that is what he wants. A relationship no matter what the childs name is. They need to put all this to the side at some point and think of thier child.

 

[redz_rule]

Honestly? The best thing you can do for yourself, her and the baby (bearing in mind that I read your previous posts) is try to get to a place with baby mamma where her initial knee jerk reaction to everything you say isn't 'no' and your initial reaction isn't to find a way to force her to comply. I'm not saying get back together but you do need an open channel of communication. The law is on her side at the moment and if your relationship is adversarial why on earth would she put your name on the birth certificate? It is in your best interest to be the bigger person here.

Trust me - I've been there and if I had a time machine, this is the advice I'd give to me and my ex.

 

[dolfette]

So even if his name is not on the birth certificate, he will still be expected to pay child support?

he can deny it's his and so pay nothing.
if she gets a court to prove that he is then he might get visitation.

 

[redz_rule]

he can deny it's his and so pay nothing.
if she gets a court to prove that he is then he might get visitation.

Depends if the CSA are involved (they will be if she is in receipt of benefits). I don't know if things have changed now, but under the old system if he denied paternity straight off, the CSA would require him to take a DNA test (at his expense IIRC) if he failed to do so they would assume he was the father and proceed accordingly regardless of birth certificate. The child support would be backdated to when they initially issued him with a form asking for his details.

If he disputed paternity after he had been assessed he would again have to submit to DNA testing but would continue to pay in the meantime - if it turned out he wasn't the father he could try to claim that money back.

 

[SprinkleMe69]

Dang that's messed up. I thought only here in the US paternity issues were screwed up. In California the ladies are always looking for money as a way for the guy to be called dad. Not ALL Cali ladies are like that. I'll correct that part.

 

[redz_rule]

They just never seem to be able to get the balance right unfortunately... the CSA was set up to counteract ridiculous rulings of £1 a year child support made in court which left the taxpayer to foot the bill. They were just too heavy handed and went about it all wrong - the focus changed from making absent parents pay to saving money on the benefits bill. I believe it was an American model that they used.

 

[Incocknito]

That's how CSA still works except if you have a DNA test and it proves you aren't the father, CSA pays the bill.

Minimum payment is now £5 from what I recall. Thanks you everyone, she is being more reasonable but still does not recognise a good name when she sees it

 

[OhWiseOne]

There is something very important that is missing in this conversation. The well being of a child that didn't ask to be brought into this world but was created by two consenting adults. It appears that he admits to fathering the child so supporting the child, even if the two parents are at odds, should not be a question. You noticed I said parents, like it or not that is the reality they live in now. Do I agree with the current laws in place? No, I have my issues with them but that doesn't change the needs of the child and the duties of a parent.
I would hope that the two people in question can get past thier own selfish needs and care for this child. Remember, at birth, the only people this little girl or boy will have are the parents. To raise them, guide them, give them comfort.
I will end it on this note. At the moment of birth when you gaze at the child you have created there is no greater feeling. It is an experience that can not be explained.

 

[dolfette]

write her a letter,

we haven't agreed on much lately, but i hope we can both agree that we want what is best for our child.
i don't want our kid to grow up resenting us for always fighting. i don't think you want that either. i want our kid to grow up happy because he or she has two parents who would do anything for him. anything, including working hard at getting along.
i can't be there for you as a partner but i will always care for and respect you as the mother of my child.

truce?

or some such shit.
and mean it.

the respect thing is important. how would he feel if someone disrespected his mother? well that's how his kid will feel.
someone has to be the bigger, better person in this.
he has the most to lose, so it'll have to be him.

 

[redz_rule]

^ what Dolfette said ^

 

[D_Humper E Bogart]

Wait, why does "friend" even want to be involved? After all, if she isn't pressing for child support, nor wishes any interaction, nor is giving the child his name, then he's off scott free.

Not quite dodged a bullet, but it missed any important organs, metaphorically speaking.

 

[Incocknito]

She will press for child support, has already been asking for child support (or at least how much she will get) and she does wish him to have some interaction. Maybe only financial.

My friend has suggested loads of cracking names and she doesn't like any of them.