Mothers: Sons vs Daughters

[Gecko4lif]

I have a essentially non-existent relationship with my parents despite me living with my dad

I see him about 20 minutes a day and that is only when he is dropping me off and picking me up

Recently it has dropped to 10 mins because im getting ride home from my friends



I talk to my mom 3 times a year

My birthday
Her birthday
and Mothers day

 

[B_subgirrl]

I have a essentially non-existent relationship with my parents despite me living with my dad

I see him about 20 minutes a day and that is only when he is dropping me off and picking me up

Recently it has dropped to 10 mins because im getting ride home from my friends



I talk to my mom 3 times a year

My birthday
Her birthday
and Mothers day

I find that to be really sad Gecko.

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

I'm risking being ridiculed but here goes.......

My 'mother' was the most violent person i have ever encountered and beat me senseless for 9 years.I spent 12 months and then 18 months in care.They were sad times at least i didnt have to endure beatings everyday.

I do however have 2 moms who are the best,i speak to them every week as i live in the South and they live in the North.Both are the ladies i soooooooooooo wish were my mother.I love them more than i ever loved the person who gave birth to me.

I'm quite close to my bf's mum and greet her and say goodbye to her with a kiss and a hug.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I'm risking being ridiculed but here goes.......

My 'mother' was the most violent person i have ever encountered and beat me senseless for 9 years.I spent 12 months and then 18 months in care.They were sad times at least i didnt have to endure beatings everyday.

I do however have 2 moms who are the best,i speak to them every week as i live in the South and they live in the North.Both are the ladies i soooooooooooo wish were my mother.I love them more than i ever loved the person who gave birth to me.

I'm quite close to my bf's mum and greet her and say goodbye to her with a kiss and a hug.

Why would you be ridiculed? It's awful that you had to go through what you did. At least you were lucky enough to find TWO replacement mums :smile: . If they feel like your mums, they are your mums. It doesn't matter if they gave birth to you, or if you grew up with them.

 

[Northland]

I was overhearing a conversation some women/ mothers were having. They were saying how boys will always love you. Even when they get older/ teenagers, they always treat you with affection. Its the daughters that roll their eyes, dont want to hug or give a kiss goodbye.

Is this generally true?

BTW, I love my mother.

I saw this late yesterday and wasn't going to respond. A lousy night of sleep (awoke before 2, still awake as 8 approaches and goes by), made me change my mind.


I can't say that I loved my mother. I didn't hate her, I simply have no emotional attachment to her. Even when she was alive, I didn't feel close to her. This doesn't mean that when she needed help it was refused. Quite the contrary, in fact it may be my lack of emotion towards here which made me go out of my way to do things for her- perhaps to attempt to spark a feeling of love for her. Who knows. In the end, she was in a nursing home and I kept showing up. Growing up, I felt uncomfortable around her and worried at times that the rest of the family would leave and I'd be stuck there with her- it scared me.

Of my brothers, only Q, has ever expressed love for the woman who was. My sisters are mixed. One shrugs her shoulders, the other can only say she misses her, never says loved.

If it's any consolation I adored my grandfather and sort of liked my father- didn't know him very well, he was away a large portion of time and when I was 14 he died under suspicious circumstances. I do however at times miss him and wonder how we'd have gotten on as we aged.

 

[petite]

PrincessTasha, that's terrible! I'm so sorry that you went through that! *hugs*

It sounds like your two mums are wonderful. Who couldn't just love you, right away? We all do!

 

[enormouslyaverage]

I have a complicated family history, with step parents on both sides as well as being kicked out of my house by my step-mom. My Father didn't stand up to her, knowing I was in the right, but that aside - I'm farrrr closer to my Dad than my Mom.

 

[Gecko4lif]

I find that to be really sad Gecko.

It kinda is but at the same time it is the only way we are functional

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

Why would you be ridiculed? It's awful that you had to go through what you did. At least you were lucky enough to find TWO replacement mums :smile: . If they feel like your mums, they are your mums. It doesn't matter if they gave birth to you, or if you grew up with them.

I feel incredibly lucky to have found them both but i found them due to a very sad reason.We met at a bereaved parents group.....they are both such very different women but both are fabulous mothers.....and a mom to me.:smile:

PrincessTasha, that's terrible! I'm so sorry that you went through that! *hugs*

It sounds like your two mums are wonderful. Who couldn't just love you, right away? We all do!

Awwwwww petite! You make me smile do you know that? :smile:

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

Do you think gay men are closer to their mothers than str8 men? I was the favorite grandchild of BOTH grandmothers (!) because I was a good student, clean, thrifty, reverent, ........in other words gayyyyyyyyyyyyyy. (But none of us knew that. Well, I did a little.)

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

I have a son and we have been close since he was a child. I am closer to him than his own father, but that is his father's fault. I can't predict what will happen, but I respect his boundaries as he gets older and give him the room to grow that he needs. There are challenges, but what parent/child relationship is perfect? All I can do is my best for now and hope for the best later. While the mother in me wants to keep him close to me forever, I am raising a man and I want to see him live a good life. That's what parenting is. Holding them close, raising them up and letting them go.

 

[B_subgirrl]

It kinda is but at the same time it is the only way we are functional

Ah well, functionality matters. To be honest we all function better with my dad if we don't speak to him too much. He just gets too argumentative if you let the conversation go on too long.

 

[THEDUDEofDestiny]

Mothers and daughters can along fine until puberty, in most cases anyway, at which point it would be better for household peace if they didn't speak at all. Usually, again in most cases, daughters become close to their mothers again in their 20s. Guys are more likely to fight their fathers than their mothers but on the whole generally don't have as many problems in their teenage years.

This is based purely on the experience of my family and the families of my friends, as best as I can gather without being present behind close doors.

 

[THEDUDEofDestiny]

I include that last part so that I can avoid Teasedsilly feeling offended because his experiences are different

 

[helgaleena]

That has been my experience as well, Dude. Dolfette, it's just hormones and that phase will pass. May take some years though!

As for 'losing' sons, it's not as cuddly with a grown boy but affection does not end.

 

[dolfette]

Dolfette, it's just hormones and that phase will pass.

she's got my genes. nuff said.

 

[hung_proper1978]

Interesting thread. I work with mostly women of all ages (23-70) and for the most part they complain about their daughters(drama queens, too independent etc) and brag/praise on their sons.

My current gf can't stand her mother but loves her none the less.

I have always been close to my mom. I was her first and so I'm her favorite Growing up I hardly talked to my dad. Had no relationship whatsoever until I was like 27.

And my sister CANT STAND my mom lol. When I hear my sister complain about my mom (which is all the time) I sometimes have to defend her saying things like "but but but....it's MOM!"

 

[petite]

Interesting thread. I work with mostly women of all ages (23-70) and for the most part they complain about their daughters(drama queens, too independent etc) and brag/praise on their sons.

My current gf can't stand her mother but loves her none the less.

I have always been close to my mom. I was her first and so I'm her favorite Growing up I hardly talked to my dad. Had no relationship whatsoever until I was like 27.

And my sister CANT STAND my mom lol. When I hear my sister complain about my mom (which is all the time) I sometimes have to defend her saying things like "but but but....it's MOM!"

TheBoyfriend's mother absolutely adores him, but he never confides in her and he rarely sees her. His two sisters talk to his mother very frequently and they tell each other a lot more, but they also have more problems.

The impression I get from his family is that TheBoyfriend is the darling of the family, but he's not actually close to his mother. His sisters are very close to her, but those relationships are much more complicated and full of ambiguity as a result.

 

[orangecloud]

Interesting thread. I work with mostly women of all ages (23-70) and for the most part they complain about their daughters(drama queens, too independent etc) and brag/praise on their sons.

I just want to say this is incredibly tacky and just makes YOU look bad. Bragging about one kid, while trashing another just makes me think less of you.

 

[EllieP]

Since I only have a daughter I find it interesting what happens with sons. I was always torn with having another child, but I hoped it would be a boy.

When my little girl was growing up she could never be far from Mommy. When she became a teen she could never be far enough.

Cap became her world. When we married she was almost afraid of him since we never had a man around the house that she remembered. But once she latched on to him he could do no wrong - the asshole. He never disciplined her, so he was her refuge from the evil mommy. Of course, I guess I was basically raising two children - a boy and a girl.

Sometimes I still feel she's closer to him, but we love each other dearly and talk all the time. She loves to come home to visit but doesn't stay long. She's 21 now and has been her own woman since she was 18.

Doesn't look like I'll have a son-in-law anytime soon. She's too busy with living to settle down now. And she's picky as hell. She says I got the last best guy available.

Gosh, I miss her and she was just here a couple of weeks ago.