mothers: what are you telling your daughters?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by dolfette, Feb 2, 2010.

  1. dolfette

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    ...about sex.
     
  2. Jojo51623

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    Interesting topic. Dolfette do you have any kids?
     
  3. Fleur

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    Not a mom, but my mom was totally an open book for me...we never had "a talk" just an understanding I could ask her anything I wanted...and boy did I have questions...she answered them all. I starting asking things early on too and she always made me feel like I could go to her with anything.
     
  4. SouthernGirl

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    Don't have a girl but I will tell her everything about men before I tell her about sex.
     
  5. Principessa

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    Same thing your mom told you. "Close your eyes and think of England." :biggrin1: :kidding:
     
  6. polesmoker

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    I don't have a daughter but I have an 11 year old sister in middle school. I pointed out one of her classmates who looked about 7 months pregnant and told her "don't be stupid and slutty and end up like her."
     
  7. dr_pepper

    dr_pepper New Member

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    Sure sounds like you have a wonderful mother. You are so lucky.
     
  8. L_Lynn

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    Depends on the age. The younger they are, the less details needed. Keep it to the fundamentals. This is how the chickens do it. This is how the kitties do it. This is how the people do it.

    I think the greatest thing you can do for your kids is to teach them to be comfortable with their own sexuality, and that comes at an early age. About 2 to 5 are very exploratory years. It's important to set guidelines while not making them feel bad. "Touching there feels good, huh? It's okay to do that but not on the sofa in the living-room while watching cartoons. And let's wash our hands before and after please."
     
  9. Tyme_Paradox

    Tyme_Paradox New Member

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    As a mother to An 11 year old daughter, We have open lines of communication. Shes already been asking question ( I blame the Internet) and I have always told her the truth. I think its best to learn from someone you trust, and not from the school yard.
     
  10. MickeyLee

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    i think a pregnant 11 year old girl is a bit more complicated than stupid or slutty. i'd wonder about that child's history of abuse and home environment.

    same thing i tell the kids at the center.

    1. your body is your own. you're under no obligation to please other people. be healthy and strong.

    2. condoms, birth control and STI screenings are not moral issues, they're medical issues. fuck anyone who might tell you differently.

    3. your sexuality is not define by anyone. your desires, comfort and expectations are an individual as you are. anyone says otherwise, fuck'em.

    4. ask me anything. you can't shock me. if i don't know the answer i will find someone who does.

    5. i would rather get a call at 4am that you need a ride home, need someone to talk to, or need help.. than to get a call at 4am telling me something has happened to you.

    6. as long as you are using protection, respectful to yourself and your partner, and as long as you're honest... nothing you think about or do sexually is bad. it's just kinky :smile:

    7. love yourself. if you forget to, remember that i do.

    other than the basic rules.... condoms on in the bathroom, under the sink. maybe don't go home with hipster assholes?
     
  11. polesmoker

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    The other girl is 13 and has been having sex since 6th grade, that is both stupid and slutty. Those are two things I don't want my sister to be. Girls need to be taught self respect and the value of loving yourself and not needing to find acceptance through an act all too many kids their age view as nothing serious.
     
  12. honeydew

    honeydew New Member

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    I have wonderful 13 year old daughter. I have from the beginning let her know she is able to talk about anything with me and she does. I feel it is a privalage to be able to be a Mother and treat it as such. I listen to her and giver her the opportunity to talk to me not at me. I make sure she see's me listening and participating in the discussion. I started answering her questions as a 6 year old and have let my answers grow as her knowledge grows, meaning keep it simple early, honest but simple, then progress. As far as sex goes, I have taught her that she does not have to have sex to be accepted. Respecting her body is far more important then having a guy who only stays long enough to zip his pants and moves on to the next girl. She understands this and is a strong independent young lady who I love and respect.
     
  13. dolfette

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    a complete tangent but i have to point out what a shitty attitude you have. a 6th grader having sex isn't slutty, he/she is a victim. that's why sex at that age is considered rape.
    the girls i knew who were active at that age all turned out to have been either horribly abused or sorely neglected...usually both.
    a child can't, legally or morally, consent to sex.
    sluttiness requires consent.

    i hope your sister isn't as cruel as you are.
     
  14. StraightCock4Her

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    How old are you?

    Good advice. If we lived in the 1960's.

    Slutty is such an old fashioned word and out-dated word that is so ambiguous that anyone can be slutty. I wish it would die already.
     
  15. SpoiledPrincess

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    I always answered her questions truthfully, my viewpoint is if they're old enough to ask the question they deserve an honest answer put in a way that's simple enough for them to understand. When they were small and they asked I'd just answer the question as it was, with no added details, they need some time to digest what they've been told and when they do it may bring up further questions. If you tell them they're too young to know that just closes communication avenues and can give them the idea that sex is wrong or something to be ashamed of. I wanted my kids to have the knowledge to be able to make an informed decision about sex, and I wanted them to be able to talk to me about anything (unlike the situation I had with my parents where I always felt unable to ask them anything about sex).
    When they were older I told them that at whatever age if they wanted to have sex they could have it at home (telling a kid not to have sex never stopped any of them doing it, it just made them do it elsewhere) but I talked to them about not having sex just because their mates were doing it or because someone was pressuring them into it, that whenever they wanted to do it they could but that it be with someone they cared about and who cared for them. I talked to them not just about the mechanics of sex but about relationships and sex within relationships and the emotions involved with it.
     
  16. dolfette

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    princess, that's the way i'm trying to play it.
    with a lot of talk about how sex is better when there's love, trust and plenty of time taken getting to know each other first.
    last night i told my teen that i'd rather she bought a sex toy than gave in to lust with a guy before she was emotionally ready...i think it's important to address the fact that they have healthy, natural urges but that part of being an adult is practising self restraint when necessary.
    i hope i'm doing this right.
    it's not easy being a mother!
     
  17. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    i don't have any kids but i'm around them a lot. my niece is coming up on 4 yrs. in a few days and she's the one i'm around the most. i've always made it a point to tell her about inappropriate touching and why it's not ok. i also talk to her about why it's not ok to talk to strangers, wander off by herself, etc. i mean, we hear about kidnapping, molestation and pedophilia so much these days. i don't want her growing up thinking that it's normal, even if she's not completely competent enough to understand what i mean yet. i make it a point for her to know that if someone--an adult, classmate, a stranger, just anyone in general--were to touch her private area, it's inappropriate and she needs to tell me, or her parents, or a teacher, or our family members about what happened. i personally believe you can never start too early and you can never be too safe, especially when it comes to the little ones.
     
    #17 D_Ivana Dickenside, Feb 3, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2010
  18. AbeFroman

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  19. dolfette

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    holy shit...

    it's tragic. and it's our fault.
    we created this shallow society where sex is used to sell everything from music to chocolate.
    at 13 my daughter gets asked if she's a lesbian, because she is refusing to date boys until she feels ready. 13! and there's that kind of pressure. you must have something wrong with you if you're not thinking about sex.
     
    #19 dolfette, Feb 3, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2010
  20. SilverTrain

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    Holy shit, indeed.
     
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