Moving and Making New Friends

[B_debonair87]

Wow, I thought Europeans were more friendly than Americans.

Couldn't be farther from the truth.

From my experiences, europeans seem to have that 'keep to myself, mind my own business" complex.

 

[wappingite]

Couldn't be farther from the truth.

From my experiences, europeans seem to have that 'keep to myself, mind my own business" complex.

It's not a complex. It's a matter of perception. North Americans approach socialising and friend-making very differently from most Europeans. I'm a UK-US bi-national and act differnetly depending where I am. :smile:

It's true that in most of northern and western Europe (not so much in southern), talking randomly to a stanger would be considered odd unless you had some reason to do so, llike a common interest or acquaintance. For instance in a pub in England, I would never introduce myself at the beginning of the conversatiion with "Hi I'm John Doe", I would save it for the end, and only introduce myself if I hit it off with the person after a very low-key and casual conversation. I would never start a conversation with something personal (where they live, what they do, their kids), you begin with a common thing like how crowded the pub is, or the weather, or the traffic, or the sports on the tv. It's not a right or wrong thing, socialising is just approached differently from place to place.

Americans are much quicker to make "fast friends", which most Europeans would classify as casual acquaintances. I've found that it's slower to make a friend in Europe, but they are much more permanent and deep when you do.

But that's just my experience.

 

[wappingite]

PSG, you are correct, most of the time I will have my little guy with me! TheBF has offered to babysit when he can so I can do things on my own, but he's a very busy person. I have looked into trying to find mommy groups in my area where I can meet other women in the same situation and where I can bring my baby along with me.

I found a website called Meetup.com. There are a lot of different kinds of groups there and some look very interesting. There are book clubs and groups for people into sports or cooking or politics or recreational activities like sports or gaming or dancing. I went to one thing and it turned out to be a fraud, an invitation to a sales pitch that made me feel like a moron for taking the time to go to it, but I think I just had bad luck on my first try and I'm going to try Meetup.com again.

Both of these are really good ideas. With other moms you automatically have something in common to talk about and you can bring the kids.

I've used Meetup.com and would recommend to keep trying different groups. Some are more long-lasting than others depending on how well they're organised. I regularly go to a group to practice speaking French and have met some nice people there. I also have a friend who has a pug and she has made loads of friend's from the pug clubs on meetup. They get together most weekends in the park and bring doggie treats. It's instant companionship. You go enough times to these things and you eventually hit it off with someone.

Good luck!

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

I remember the days when my oldest daughter was itty bitty. I was in a lot of play groups and mommy and me groups. When my daughter was little they had places called The Discovery Zone, which was like a big play place like Chuck E Cheese (without the pizza) Just a place to go play with your kid. I remember from the time she could sit up on her own playing with her in the "ball pit". Anyways, she got interaction with other babies and Mommy got interaction with other parents. Then there was the Gymboree Play Place and The Little Gym. I had her in parent and tot gymnastic classes, swimming lessons, ballet and tap. The truth is, most of it was for me. I enjoyed watching my child do things she seemed to love doing and I enjoyed interacting with other parents. It was a win win situation.

The "play groups" were fun until it seemed to be that I was the only one planning everything. But, I still have great memories of spending lots of fun times with my child and my child's friends. When the kids start school then it seemed like I was able to concentrate more on my interests. Meeting people in exercise classes at the gym or coffee shop and such.

 

[tgirlsrgreat]

I show 'em my cock.

does your village know you have left???

 

[bondegutten]

It's not a complex. It's a matter of perception. North Americans approach socialising and friend-making very differently from most Europeans. I'm a UK-US bi-national and act differnetly depending where I am. :smile:

It's true that in most of northern and western Europe (not so much in southern), talking randomly to a stanger would be considered odd unless you had some reason to do so, llike a common interest or acquaintance. For instance in a pub in England, I would never introduce myself at the beginning of the conversatiion with "Hi I'm John Doe", I would save it for the end, and only introduce myself if I hit it off with the person after a very low-key and casual conversation. I would never start a conversation with something personal (where they live, what they do, their kids), you begin with a common thing like how crowded the pub is, or the weather, or the traffic, or the sports on the tv. It's not a right or wrong thing, socialising is just approached differently from place to place.

think you're absolutely right there, just striking up conversation with someone here would be considered pretty odd, and usually when you do start talking to someone, like you say over something common, impersonal and general, you have a short chat and then go your separate ways.
i don't think i have one single friend i haven't met at school, through work, or through a mutual friend. we just don't talk to strangers that much here.

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

where?
in many places, just starting to talk to someone will more likely make you seem like a nutcase rather than a potential new friend.

This is true! I've lived all over the country, and Midwesterners will talk to almost anyone and not give it a second thought. Native Southerners will talk with anyone, but generally only because they think it's rude not to. On the East Coast or West Coast, the only strangers who are likely to start talking with you: want to sell you something (their religion, goods, or services), they want you to give them money, they're total nutcases, or they want to have sex with you (whether you want to have sex with them or not is a whole other matter). Those categories are not mutually exclusive, such as nutcases pushing their religion on you, or prostitutes.

 

[bondegutten]

well i'm not american, but i kinda get the feeling from what i've read here that americans do consider it ok to talk to anyone anywhere. doesn't work globally though...

 

[B_debonair87]

It's not a complex. It's a matter of perception. North Americans approach socialising and friend-making very differently from most Europeans. I'm a UK-US bi-national and act differnetly depending where I am. :smile:

It's true that in most of northern and western Europe (not so much in southern), talking randomly to a stanger would be considered odd unless you had some reason to do so, llike a common interest or acquaintance. For instance in a pub in England, I would never introduce myself at the beginning of the conversatiion with "Hi I'm John Doe", I would save it for the end, and only introduce myself if I hit it off with the person after a very low-key and casual conversation. I would never start a conversation with something personal (where they live, what they do, their kids), you begin with a common thing like how crowded the pub is, or the weather, or the traffic, or the sports on the tv. It's not a right or wrong thing, socialising is just approached differently from place to place.

Americans are much quicker to make "fast friends", which most Europeans would classify as casual acquaintances. I've found that it's slower to make a friend in Europe, but they are much more permanent and deep when you do.

But that's just my experience.

good stuff

i've never seen anyone introduce themselves at the beginning of a conversation and don't really know anyone who is interested in 'fast friends''. a recent study has shown that the average american has at least 2 people they consider close friends and the rest acquaintances which is down from the 80s where the average american would say they had about 5 close friends.

from my experiences europeans come off as very "cliquish" and don't exactly come across as social.. not all are like that. I've met some folks overseas as well as here in america that were friendly but also came across a lot that were hard face and completely disinterested. i guess some folks just feel a conversation is only worth it if they know they'll be benefiting from it somehow. oh well.....