Moving On....

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by HellsKitchenmanNYC, Jun 19, 2009.

  1. HellsKitchenmanNYC

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    I think I told you all last year when my friend of 30 yrs died from that crazy cancer. I met her on a NY's Eve when I had just turned 18 and she was 30. Cut to years later and we're both living in NYC and directly across the hall from each other.
    After she died I was so freaked out about walking into the hallway b/c it felt weird and she had died in her apartment and such. I used to almost run to the elevator because it felt so weird. I kept expecting her to open the door and we'd have another 1 hr clothesline conversation while we were holding oour doors open.
    It would just FREAK me out EVERY day t leave my apt., stare at her door and try to then go on as if nothing had happened. Everytime I came in or out it was a constant reminder about what happened there. This went on for MONTHS as they renovated the apt. and then MORE months to find a tenant for that huge 2 bedroom place. So freaky. It was soooooo depressing that that relationship was gone even tho we had huge fights and disagreements we always ended up friends again. 30 years of history is hard to throw out the window...esp when you can see into each other's bathrooms! lol.
    Annnnnnnnnnnnnyway. Finally almost a year later the pace got rented this week and I finally feel I can put som of that haunting stuff to rest. Almost. there's just a tinge left but I'm glad I can finally let, at least in my mind, her go to peace and not be stuck in my imagination.
    Hmmm Does this make sense? Has this happened to you? I;m almost sure it's a good thing that I don't think her ghost is there when I leave my apt. I dunno maybe it'll never be ok given the situation...or maybe what I'm saying is it can take a long time to get kinda over things or it all takes care of itself mentally when you clear space for it to happen.
    Ahh the 1 yr anniversaty may be the hardest. I don't know.
     
  2. Industrialsize

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    Your post touched me deeply. I have a lot of painful shit in my mind around loss. I'm working on it. I understood exactly what you were talking about. I hope you are well.
     
  3. HellsKitchenmanNYC

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    You too! It's just hard when there alot of issues involved and you want to, then you can't, then you can and you don't wanna forget the good times as well as the bad and it makes you wanna bang yr head against a wall...it's good then it's bad. Thankfully now it's kinda better!
     
  4. nudeyorker

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    I wish you well HK Man. I understand your feelings I have always dealt with the loss of a loved one by living through the four seasons and the memories that they hold for me. You move on with your life but you never forget those that you loved...nor should you!
     
  5. HellsKitchenmanNYC

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    Alot of this is effecting me too b/c it's almost the 1 yr date. you wanna let them go and be free in space or heaven or wherever then you feel kinda guilty as if that will make it like you're forgetting them. You have to make the painful effort to convince yourself that letting go is not forgetting.
     
  6. HellsKitchenmanNYC

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    Yes def. Good words!
     
  7. HellsKitchenmanNYC

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  8. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    Sweetheart,

    YOu loved your friend. There is no rhyme or reason to it. I can still burst out in tears thinking of folks that have been gone for years. Though we grow used to their absence it doesnt mean that we dont miss all the things that made them who they were and in turn helped to make us who we are as well. Try not to set any artificial time tables in which to mourn your loss. Was there something you two liked to do together? Go out and have dinner at a place you used to enjoy together. Celebrate her life and what it added to you , and enjoy the memories... When I walked across the AIDS quilt on the Mall in Washington. I had so many moments of mixed emotion. So many friends and classmates cut down in their prime but it also gave me a chance to think about what my life might have been without those insane and lovely people who were in my life for a season. Big hugs to you , Hells!
     
  9. Sassy

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    HK, I'm so sorry to hear about your neighbor! I still want to pick up my phone to call my friend, now gone over 2 years. I could talk to her about anything. She would have loved this site!

    I'm reminded of a quote from Star Trek - Next Generation: Our neural pathways have become accustomed to your sensory input patterns.

    I was accustomed to her patterns.:sad2:
     
  10. B_theOtherJJ

    B_theOtherJJ New Member

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    Next week is the 9 year anniversary of the death of my partner of 22 years.
    And I still cry !!!!
     
  11. HellsKitchenmanNYC

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    Of course you do. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. I hope it's a bit easier now as time passes. I'd probably still feel weird if someone hadn't finally moved into that apt. across the hall from me. The fact that it was renovated top to bottoom and new tenants had gone along way in helping send my friend to a peaceful rest in my mind and heart. I'll never forget but it's a bit easier to get thru the day w/o thinking of that untimely death and get back to remembering the good times!
     
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