Moving on!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by AdaramC, Apr 11, 2011.

  1. AdaramC

    AdaramC New Member

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    Hey Ladies and Gents!

    Alright so I've asked this before kind of but a little new advice from time to time doesn't hurt right?

    I've been done with a relationship for a while now, and I was just wondering does it ever really just go away? Like the feelings? call me naive, but I just can't seem to shake it all away. I know I could never hate him, it's not in my nature sadly, but it gets frustrating. Maybe it was because he was my first in all sense of the word, maybe it's cause we are no longer on talking terms, maybe it's cause I see him almost everyday cause of our class schedules, I don't know.

    I just want to not think about him or have lingering feelings because I "miss" him. We dated on and off for two years and it will be almost a year since we "ended things" in july. It was a completely destructive relationship, so I don't ever want to be with him again, but as sad as it sounds, I miss him. But I don't want to at all.

    It affects me more than I thought it would, it makes me question Love and whether or not true Love exists. I know I'm only 22 and things pass with time and new life lessons and what not and that's what I keep telling myself, but it's hard. Dating new people just seems frivolous to me now because a lot of the guys I've met only want to do one thing, or I just instantly next them.

    Do I just fake it until I make it and enjoy the ride?
     
    #1 AdaramC, Apr 11, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2011
  2. Stephenmass

    Gold Member

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    There is nothing wrong with missing a past relationship. A big mistake would be to go back to the relationship knowing what ruined it in the first place. I think it's a good thing to remain friends after; it shows maturity on your part. You don't want to hate him. What purpose would that serve?

    You can "miss" someone and still move on with your dating life, etc. What you miss are the good parts of the relationship, absolutely normal. How can you simply forget 2 years of your life? You may eventually forget, but for now it's fresh in your mind still because you still see him out and about.

    If you can maintain your composure and distance more importantly, what is wrong with being friends?

    you're normal man. Very.
     
  3. nudeyorker

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    Whenever you have an emotional investment in someone it does not go away simply because you want it to go away. One important thing for you to consider is that the opposite of love is not hate... it's indifference; once you get to that point you are well on the road to moving on.
    I think that everyone has questioned love and the choices they have made for it but turning your back on and not trusting that you will have it again is a dangerous mistake that many people make; because eventually you will turn into and empty shell of a human being that only accepts regret, sadness and anger in your life.
    Giving yourself some distance from him does not sound like it's feasible right now since you see him everyday. Meanwhile since physical distance is not possible now you will have to start with emotional distance. You can start by wishing him that every kindness and happiness he has given will be returned to him. (Don't do this in a bitchy way or it really does not work)
    Then start living your life with the things and people that make you happy, sometimes you have to start small and work your way up the ladder. When I feel like this I buy fresh flowers and go to a movie or museum or spend time with friends doing something I really enjoy. When you start adding new ingredients that make the recipe of your life complete you will find you won't miss some of the old ingredients when they have been replaced with something superior.
    None of this happens overnight so as you said in your post, maybe faking it for a while will help until you really feel it.
     
  4. yoursgetsmine

    yoursgetsmine Member

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    You'll get over it, but you'll never forget it!
     
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