Mum is back with Ex - How I 'came out'..

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Eddie Withagun, Apr 5, 2010.

  1. D_Eddie Withagun

    D_Eddie Withagun New Member

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    Just found out that my mum is back with the guy from this incident..


    Back home with a few grocery bags, one evening. Mum home, with him. He doesn't live there. He just came to take her back to his. He commented on how carrying bags is effeminate.

    He was playing with my dog, the dog’s foreskin was accidentally retracted. He made a joke about 'Brokeback Mountain' and how my dog must be a gay.

    The dude's quite immature, I thought. Why's she with a cunt like him?

    He continued passing statements that revealed his underpinned homophobia.

    "Do you have a problem with gay people?" I confronted him with. "You seem like you do."

    "I don't call them gays" he boasted. "I call them 'poofs'"

    ..There are often times, while being in the closet, that you feel the doors rattle. My doors were being rattled. I began to boil.

    He continued to spout some shit about how his male friend is in love with him; he thinks it's pathetic and disgusting. Mum shot him a look, as if to say WTF?

    I cut him off by asking the same question again.

    "Yes, I got a problem with them."

    "Then you've got a problem with me" I said, knowing what would ensue.

    It took a few second to click, and he looked at me unbelievingly.

    I told him that he'd insulted me and that I was angry, and that he should leave me alone from now. And I walked away into my back yard.

    He followed me out, with my mum a few paces behind him.

    At the time I didn't consider "closeted". My friends knew who I was. I didn't cover the truth with my family, they just didn't know.

    How much things changed after this night makes me realize how trapped I'd really been.

    He'd followed me.

    In an outraged tone he asked me if I was gay. I looked from him, to my mum, and back to him.

    "Yes, I like men."

    Big men.. Who would kick the shit outta' you, I thought.

    Things are vague from here. I remember my mother’s calm reassuring, loving look.

    He told me he was was a club bouncer. He said if he wasn't in my house he'd beat me up. A lot of shouting. Then things get less heated. He questions me on the subject matter.

    He said I didn't look like a gay. Or "act like one". That pissed me off, but I wanted to prove I was more man than him.

    I explained that he'd bought into too many stereotypes and was misinformed.

    He eventually left. They broke up shortly after this.

    I thought it was the most brave way to come out. My mum told me she was proud of me, and the way I stood up for myself. She had never thought I was gay. It hadn't even crossed her mind. I told her that's called the "straight assumption" that people have.

    We've spoken more since. I explained how it was growing up to find a world full of people that I believed hated me. You learn from a young age that you're something disgusting and sinful. How damaging for a child.

    It's been two years and she recently said that she's seen me grow and strengthen.

    She's now back with this guy who I don't get along with. She lied about where she was for a few weeks. And then sprung it on me last night, on the phone, while she was at his.

    WTF? He's no good
     
    #1 D_Eddie Withagun, Apr 5, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2010
  2. invisibleman

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    Well, you aren't gonna change her mind about him.

    But you don't have to take his bullshit, though. When he starts some shit, you ought to defend yourself.
     
  3. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    Very tricky stuff.
    I don't envy you.
    You should probably, for fairness's sake, give the guy the chance to prove that he's grown up a bit and shed some stereotypes since he was last in your mother's life.
    If that fails (as it well might), you have to make a judicious choice between holding your ground and keeping away from him.

    You're an 80s baby, right?
    So you're somewhere in your 20s.
    I wonder if it still works to be living with mum?
     
  4. D_Eddie Withagun

    D_Eddie Withagun New Member

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    21, it works well enough. For now :worried:

    I'm a great son, no problems, I pay my way and I do the cooking (chef) and clean.
     
  5. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    Well, you could live with me, y'know.
    Only a big pond between us.

    He says he's a bouncer.
    You're a personal trainer.
    Are the forces balanced?
    (Not that you want to get physical ... though who knows? ... but it would reduce the intimidation factor if you're his match.)
     
    #5 D_Gunther Snotpole, Apr 5, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2010
  6. treetruck

    treetruck New Member

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    I guess once you have become comfortable with your self, the truth tends to come out, you handled yourself well and glad to see your mom is excepting of who you are. There are so many different people in this world ( homophobic asses and such ) we dont have to like them or talerate them but some time we must live with them. If this guy makes your mom happy the only thing you need to be is happy for your mom!!!
     
  7. Deve1opment

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    You don't need prove anything to anyone. The guy sounds like a git but your mum's old enough to make her own choices - all you can do is be there for her and hope she'll be there for you too. Keep your head up!
     
  8. Stephenmass

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    Because it's been two years man, I would speak with your Mom if I were you asking her don't you remember? If she says yes, etc., BUT her b/f has grown, etc., give her the benefit of the doubt. I doubt he has changed much even if she may claim he has.

    Now that you are out it is quite possible he will treat you better and not bring the subject up again seeing that you have been out for two years plus now.

    If he hasn't changed and comes around and continues to be an asshole just ask your Mom to notify you when he will be around so you can make other arrangements for yourself. No sense looking for a fight that gets physical. Most sons, even str8 ones my friend, do not like seeing their mother with someone new but in your case it goes further than that obviously. She may respect your wishes and she may not; I don't think it means she loves you any less at all. She liked her b/f and may have missed him even though he's fucking retarded on gay stereotypes. I hate that as well.

    Wishing you well....let us or me know how it goes!
     
  9. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    The reason being is that she most likely wants to be with him....she's with him for him an not for you.

    Personally i wouldnt be with anybody who was was such a tw@tty idiot but the more you say the more she'll dig her heels in.

    Say nothing but be there for her if and when it goes t!ts up.
     
  10. Stephenmass

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    Princess, she may not realize how much it hurts her son to be back with asshole.
     
  11. helgaleena

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    It has all been said by others. If she is sleeping with him it may be that it's all it will ever amount to and you won't be having him any closer. Certainly he would never propose to a woman who breeds 'poofs'?

    That is not the worst case scenario of course. Worst could be that he becomes family without having evolved into a non-bigot. In that case it will be time for your own place.
     
  12. Darkriff

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    I agree with all the posts above. She respects you and loves you, and I'm sure she was at his place because of that respect for you, otherwise, you might've just come home one night and he was just there. Altho I highly doubt it, it's maybe possible he has changed, again I doubt it, I don't trust people when it comes to change, I've never seen it anyway. Just stay on your toes, be careful, and be respectful to your mom. It'll work out bro, should he keep up with the bullshit, say something to her, I would.
     
  13. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    I get what you mean.
    I wonder, though, if the guy may have made the worst possible self-presentation on that evening two years ago.
    Maybe he thought five minutes after leaving that he had been a complete boob.
    Maybe he'd often thought that he had some defensive and limiting beliefs that he would do better to discard.
    Not saying it's true ... but it's possible.
    And it might explain why fullyfed's mom is back with him.
     
  14. D_Eddie Withagun

    D_Eddie Withagun New Member

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    Possible.. but not true. He was around before this. 7-8 years ago too, when I was a kid.

    My older brothers didn't like the idea of my mum being with a guy. I have 3 older bros.

    He made a big scene back then too. We were all very young and he was puffing up his chest to little kids.
     
  15. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    So he's sorta what he appears.
    Okay.
    Sorry to hear that.
     
  16. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    She probably does but is thinking of her own needs.

    I really hope OP doesnt take this the wrong way but.......his mum would have to aurally and visually imapired not to have seen what the bf did and said to her son so will know what it's doing to her boy inside.
     
  17. conntom

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    His not liking gays doesn't mean he is a bad guy. But he should be respectful of you if for no other reason than for your Mum. If he can;t do that....well, I'd be surprised if she kept him around.
     
  18. luvmycock

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    I'm sorry you had to go through that and had to deal with a shitty person like that. But now that all of this is out in the open you will feel a lot better.
     
  19. THEDUDEofDestiny

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    he probably has a big penis if that helps
     
  20. green carnation

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    and please dont leave him alone in the house with your dog!
     
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