Mum is back with Ex - How I 'came out'..

[luka82]

Just be firm with him and show you don`t give a fuck about what he thinks.
You couldn`t care less about his opinion on anything!!!!

 

[dolfette]

your mother needs someone for herself.
and you're an adult now.
i'm sure you'll have lovers she doesn't like.
as long as he's treating her well you just have to swallow it.

 

[onewatcher]

I'm proud of you son, you handled it like a real adult!

 

[petite]

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with someone like that in your life. You shouldn't have to deal with that in your own family.

Even apart from how he treated you, it doesn't sound like he's probably the best guy for your mother, from the personality problems you've indicated he has. None of us know your mother's personality well enough to advise you on how you should approach her, though, or even if you should. Depending on what she's like and how she's likely to react, that's what we need to know to give you any advise on how to proceed with her, or what your next move should be.

I am so sorry.

 

[SpeedoMike]

don't expect change. just hope he doesn't start abusing your mother because she'll probably not leave him. a friend's mother didn't realize what she loved until he put her in the hospital with serious injuries. she didn't have to give him up; he went to jail for the assault.

 

[F_Man]

Just found out that my mum is back with the guy from this incident..

Back home with a few grocery bags, one evening. Mum home, with him. He doesn't live there. He just came to take her back to his. He commented on how carrying bags is effeminate.
- - -

You have the capacity to observe sharply and write eloquently; great! And you cook too, even better. Too bad about the situation; try to keep your balance and distance, stay cool.

She's most likely just addicted to his dick.

 

[conntom]

She's most likely just addicted to his dick.

that or money...

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

She's most likely just addicted to his dick.

or she has such low self esteem that she thinks she isnt worth anyone better than him

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

It's hard for us to know why fullyfed's mother is attracted to the guy.
And, even if we believe the guy has been an asshole with fullyfed, we can't assume that he's an asshole with fullyfed's mother.
Too many unknowables, imo.

 

[Stephenmass]

First off, some of the previous posters are being insensitive to the OP. This is HIS mother we are talking about. Be mindful of that and how you would feel with some of the so-called "advice" here.....

From ConnTom above..

His not liking gays doesn't mean he is a bad guy. But he should be respectful of you if for no other reason than for your Mum. If he can;t do that....well, I'd be surprised if she kept him around.

My sentiments exactly. Knowing how this guy feels about gays assuming he feels the same way is more or less a direct insult to her son yet she continues to see him. That in itself is a problem. He needs to let his Mom know she is being disrespectful to him as long as she keeps seeing this dickhead. She can't have it both ways. As a parent, regardless of her sons age, she should stand up for him and who/what he is by not allowing the b/f material around even if it's away from the home. She may have needs, but her needs sorry to say should be secondary to her loyalties and to whom she applies them.

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

First off, some of the previous posters are being insensitive to the OP. This is HIS mother we are talking about. Be mindful of that and how you would feel with some of the so-called "advice" here.....

From ConnTom above..

Part and parcel of posting ones business online and asking for advice.One has to take the good advice with the bad....it's called life.

My sentiments exactly. Knowing how this guy feels about gays assuming he feels the same way is more or less a direct insult to her son yet she continues to see him. That in itself is a problem. He needs to let his Mom know she is being disrespectful to him as long as she keeps seeing this dickhead. She can't have it both ways. As a parent, regardless of her sons age, she should stand up for him and who/what he is by not allowing the b/f material around even if it's away from the home. She may have needs, but her needs sorry to say should be secondary to her loyalties and to whom she applies them.

Correct but that isnt always the case

 

[D_Eddie Withagun]

that or money...

Hey, enough of that.

We spoke last night. It went very well. I gently approached the topic to see if she was willing to converse. She was. I mentioned the phone call we'd had the previous night. I said that she was with him at his place, but didn't indicate whether she was 'with him' with him.

She told me that they'd been talking about everything. And the first thing they spoke about was how he acted that night. She was cross with how he followed me when I walked away, and how he made things heated. She told him that it was unacceptable to do that.

She's been an independent mother my whole life. All my brothers are by the same father, who was violent. She left him the final time after I was born. She didn't go with any other guy while we were young. She met the guy I told you about 7-8 years ago and at first didn't tell him our address to protect us. Only until after he had gained her trust. He said he knew he was wrong and he wants to apologize to me and said sorry to her.

People can have opinions that hurt me, and that make them seem stupid to most people, but it doesn't mean they're bad people. He would never hurt my mother. And she'd never stand for that!

She told me that she has a good time around him, and he makes her laugh. She can be herself with him and I said "So it sounds like it's starting up again", to which she was hesitant to accept that that's the case.

I really don't mind if she's with him now. After reading all your replies and speaking with a couple close friends and my closest brother. I told her I'd be her son forever.

We made a few jokes and moved our conversation to something else.

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

I'm glad it's all sorted now FF

 

[petite]

I'm glad to hear that! I hope that he really meant what he said about being sorry for his hurtful words and that he wasn't just saying that to get into your mother's good graces again and that he's good to your mother.

It sounds like you are a good and caring son and that you want what's best for her and she wants what's best for you. Keep us updated, will you?

 

[helgaleena]

I am glad too.

 

[onewatcher]

Fullyfed, you really are a wonderful, mature son, and you mom is surely very proud of her. She sounds like a wonderul women that put her family first. Now, that they are grown, she is lucky to have found someone that can make her laugh. I'm sure once he gets to know you better, his opinion of gays will change.

 

[dolfette]

it sucks that some of the prats here must sink so low as to say those things about his mum. trashy. just trashy.

fullyfed, i hope she's really proud of you! a lot of adult kids would be throwing their weight around, expecting her to choose. your acknowledgement of her needs is really quite touching.
it's not easy being a single mother. sometimes it's very lonely, when the kids are asleep, and you're left alone in the evenings without adult company. she deserves someone who'll make her happy.
hopefully you and this guy can be respectful and polite to each other, if only for her sake...you might even change his mind about gay men just by being yourself.

i really hope this all works out.

 

[jtmony08]

Parents don't base their relationships solely on their children's wishes. If he's not abusing you physically, emotionally, etc., why shouldn't she date him? Will your mom agree with every guy you could potentially bring home? Will you break up or not see him because she doesn't like him? Then in all fairness, allow her the same leverage. You don't like the guy.....got it. Now do what most adults should do 1) deal with the situation. The house is your home, require him to respect it. 2) You know how he feels, know that you're not going to change that...move on.

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

Parents don't base their relationships solely on their children's wishes. If he's not abusing you physically, emotionally, etc., why shouldn't she date him? Will your mom agree with every guy you could potentially bring home? Will you break up or not see him because she doesn't like him? Then in all fairness, allow her the same leverage. You don't like the guy.....got it. Now do what most adults should do 1) deal with the situation. The house is your home, require him to respect it. 2) You know how he feels, know that you're not going to change that...move on.

I think you've missed a post or two.

He said he knew he was wrong and he wants to apologize to me and said sorry to her.

People can have opinions that hurt me, and that make them seem stupid to most people, but it doesn't mean they're bad people. He would never hurt my mother. And she'd never stand for that!

* SNIP *

I really don't mind if she's with him now. After reading all your replies and speaking with a couple close friends and my closest brother. I told her I'd be her son forever.

Things seem on a good way to being fine.
Fullyfed doesn't argue that his mother shouldn't date this man.
And it seems that the man has already achieved a measure of change ... sees the wrong he did and wants to apologize to fullyfed.

 

[HungThickProf]

Hey Handsome,

I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. My mom is with a guy who isn't necessarily bad for her, but I don't care for him- and I haven't for the past 20 years (they're not married yet). Whether or not you like him(he sounds like a complete dick), there's nothing you can really do about it. Just like there's nothing I can do. The only thing you can do is hope that your mother is happy, and let her know that you love her. Because if he's that bad for her, hopefully she'll see that. And she'll only truly leave when she's sick and tired of being sick and tired. My mom has never truly been sick and tired, and it's shame. They broke up when I was 8, and got back together after she had dated this nice guy for 4 years (he had to marry someone else for cultural reasons).

My mom now feels that she's too old to get out there and meet a nice guy. I try to encourage her to step out of her shell- she doesn't listen very well. She did tell that she won't marry him unless he and I have a good relationship- that was reassuring for me. He's yet to make an effort to establish a relationship with me.

I hope your mom has a different fate, my friend. Feel free to stay in touch and keep me posted on what happens with them.

Dante'