Many happy returns, Dee! Think you're a little too young to identify with the following? Not for long!.....
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING OLD WHEN ...
"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.
At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
No one expects you to run into a burning building.
People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
Someone compliments you on your layered look.... and you're wearing a speedo.
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
The pharmacist has become you new best friend.
The twinkle in your eye is the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
When getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
When happy hour is a nap.
When you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.
When you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go with her.
When you have a choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.
When you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
When your birth certificate says expired on it.
When you're told to act your own age, and you die.
You and your teeth don't sleep together.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
You don't know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector.
You don't remember being absent minded.
You don't remember when your wild oats turned to prunes and all bran.
You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.
You get exercise acting as a pallbearer for friends who exercise.
You get winded playing chess.
You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."
You look both ways before crossing a room.
You look forward to a dull evening.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
You sink your teeth into a steak ...and they stay there.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
You turn off the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
You wear black socks with sandals.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
Your back goes out more than you do.
Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
Your pacemaker raises the garage door when you see a pretty girl go by.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.
You're sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.
Pecker
