My boss had a look

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Imported, Dec 3, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    hungstud: Yesterday, as i was standing at the urinals at work, my boss came in and decided to pick the spot right next to me. The urinals at work are layed out in such a way that it is easy to get a glance of the other guys equipment as you step in.

    My boss, being not very shy or politically correct, had a good look at my stuff while i stood there and whispered something under his breath.

    I did't think much of it as he is 100% straight & married, until i noticed later, that he was having a good look at the bulge in my pants. (my dick is usually down my right leg and if u look for it, you'll see a significant bulge)

    Today in a big meeting he decided to blurt out something about me being able to cope with the extra work i've been asked to do because im big cocked.
    (which is all true :p) but was very embarassing.

    i don't care if people know im big, just hoping it doesnt effect my work in a negative way ???
     
  2. Imported

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    1811: [quote author=hungstud link=board=relationships;num=1070455468;start=0#0 date=12/03/03 at 04:35:28]

    Today in a big meeting he decided to blurt out something about me being able to cope with the extra work i've been asked to do because im big cocked.
    (which is all true :p) but was very embarassing.
    quote]

    Not that its reason enough to, but you could press charges. I would first, however, take him aside politely and ask him to never make a similar reference again. However true, its just rude and unprofessional
     
  3. Imported

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    Thumper_10x7_CA: I work in a very gay friendly, sexually open office. We are always talking about things that would normally be heard on the streets of West Hollywood. But we always know there are times when that sort of talk and behavior is not appropriate. If my boss made a comment like that duing a big meeting or in the company of people who would be easily offended I'd definately ask him to use discrestion.
     
  4. benderten2001

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    hungstud,

    I'm no lawyer. I can't determine if you have grounds for legal action on sexual harassment or not. I suspect you could. "Inappropriate behavior suggesting sexually related overtones" certainly comes to mind here.

    You were unduly embarrassed among your peers.

    And, I would take it up with this man privately, quietly, and in as much a dignified manner (somehow!) as you can possibly muster. (Frankly, having heard about this, I'd like to have a chance to slug him myself about now!
    Knock him into tomorrow). I've worked with guys like this. I've been nice...too nice and ignored defending myself quite often. --Not always good. Truly, I wouldn't let him get by with it. If you don't address this, there could be yet other demeaning occasions to follow!

    I would simply tell him this kind of conversation,
    i.e. personal references to you, are totally inappropriate, unacceptable,and they are to never happen again. Should he next be stupid enough to pursue commenting after that (to further egg you on), wind it up by saying....I've said what I mean! I DON'T expect it to happen ....ever again. With that, you've THEN said your piece. Nothing else is necessary. And, yes, like the other earlier poster, I believe this can be done in a polite manner on your part. At least try.
    (You know whether there's a chance for that approach with this man. We don't here.)

    Things might indeed get tough for you on the job.
    But this jerk of a boss might also come to respect you more if you speak up and defend the issue of decency in the workplace (which IS what's really at stake here --along with more importantly, your personal dignity!)
     
  5. Imported

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    HungTeenStud: As far as I understand sexual harrassment laws, and I'm not a lawyer but I do have a healthy interest, you have very little ground to stand on if you file now. If you have a conversation with your boss about it and he does it again or makes your life harder in other ways, THEN you have a case. The mistake most people make is going straight to the authorities. If you have not spoken to the parties involved and told them you dislike the behavior, they cannot be held accountable for "harrassing" you when they did not realize it.

    Now of course this is all on the assumption this has happened once. If it is a recurring behavior then you probably already have enough history for a case. It just depends on how you want to do deal with it I guess...
     
  6. Imported

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    pghcyclist:
    You're right. There has to be a pattern of actions related toward the individual. No one is "charged" with sexual harrassment -- it isn't a crime -- no one goes to jail. It is illegal and you do have civil remedies for it, but first you must exhaust internal remedies. Also, an isolated incident does not a pattern make.

    It might be uncomfortable talking to your boss, but you can certainly talk to his supervisor or someone in your human relations department. Your boss might suspect it was you, but actually anyone in the meeting has a right to complain.

    You might decide to let it slide or you might decide to talk to someone. If you do talk to someone, I suggest making a written record somewhere for yourself JUST IN CASE your boss does retaliate. Then you have some bookkeeping showing what actions you took.

    Scott
     
  7. Imported

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    wvalady1968: Your boss is jealous.

    I agree with Bender, Scott and 1811. Have a talk with your boss and tell him that you don't expect to ever hear a comment like that one again. It's demeaning, whether he believes that was his intent or not.

    Allie
     
  8. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    The truth is, HS, you were embarassed by him at the meeting soley predicated on the fact that he found your endowement to be intimidating and needed to assert himself over his own......and I really hesitate to say this but...inadequacies. However, it does not change the fact that it was inappropriate to mention this in a meeting, and you should talk to him privately where no one can hear you about it. If he doesn't realize the seriousness of your feelings, Talk to your HR manager, and take it from there.

    I find no valid reason to correlate a man's endowement with job performance, unless he thought it was meant to be some kind of stupid joke.
     
  9. benderten2001

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    [quote author=MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK link=board=relationships;num=1070455468;start=0#7 date=12/04/03 at 14:27:05]

    "...If he doesn't realize the seriousness of your feelings, Talk to your HR manager, and take it from there..."

    [/quote]


    Let's all hope the boss is not the HR manager as well!

    Small companies and businesses are often just like that!

    btw...keeping the written account of the "discussion" is excellent advice! ;)
     
  10. grnman

    grnman Well-Known Member

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    It is for this reason that I am very discreet around the office. I had a female supervisor proposition me a number of years ago, which put my in a very difficult position. Sure, one might be able to pursue legal action, but without proof.

    I just like to keep my office life and social life separte to avoid those kinds of complications.

    Jack
     
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