My Boyfriend Barely Ever has Sex with me

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Iokua, Dec 1, 2010.

  1. Iokua

    Iokua New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    111
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    OK, so one of the MAIN issues with my boyfriend is his sex drive. He has none. IF we have sex, it is usually just jacking off on each other. Over the past year and a half, he has given me ONE blow job. Other times he sucks me off for five seconds "then gets bored" and says "I take too long." When I fuck him, I go inside him, he cums on himself almost instantly, so I have to get out. I haven't gotten a blow job or fucked anything in practically a year. He SOMETIMES fucks me... but he HAS NO SEX DRIVE. During sex he looks bored and it turns me off. He does not even do foreplay, or kiss. I like fore-play and kissing... he does none of it. This past weekend he told me striaght up he has no more sex drive. He is also 35. How do I fix this problem?

    Sorry for not giving alot of detail... I'm just horny and want my boyfriend to feel attractive to me and have sex with me...
     
  2. Pye

    Pye
    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2005
    Messages:
    828
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    63
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Warwick (RI, US)
    Verified:
    Photo
    Maybe it's a testosterone issue
     
  3. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2009
    Messages:
    7,317
    Likes Received:
    8
    Does your boyfriend suffer with any health issues? Does he suffer with depression? Does he use medications or recreational drugs? Is he still affectionate and playful with you? Do you get along or do you fight a lot? Does he have any appearance issues like having put on weight which might be effecting his self esteem?

    Does he express desire for you? Does he tell you he thinks you are gorgeous and attractive?

    How long have you been in a relationship with eachother? Have either of you ever cheated on the other?

    Does he work hard and suffer with a stressful job? All of these questions might offer you some clues as to what's going on here.

    But the really big question is this, if he has some or all of these problems and agrees to do something about them, how long are you prepared to continue to live in a relationship without a proper sex life? I mean how much do you really love him? Could you be with him even if you knew you would never have sex with eachother again?
     
  4. Iokua

    Iokua New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    111
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    I think it is a testosterone issue.

    Does your boyfriend suffer with any health issues? No Does he suffer with depression? No Does he use medications or recreational drugs?No Is he still affectionate and playful with you? Sometimes Do you get along or do you fight a lot? Lately, fight alot. Because he is stressed out at work and has to "come home to take care of me [when i go visit him]..." he refuses to ackowledge i can take care of myself. He is OCD clean freak Does he have any appearance issues like having put on weight which might be effecting his self esteem? He is not comfortable iwth his body. Never has been. I think he is hot. He doesn't believe me. Part of him believes I am with him "for his money" (yeah, teh money he doesnt spend on me... didn't even buy me a 1 year anniversay present!... also, I pay for alot of shit myself, he might buy dinner.)

    Does he express desire for you? HOnestly, I don't ever feeling desired by him. Wait, the night we met, a year and a half ago. We made out. We have barely kissed since. I fell in love with who he is. Does he tell you he thinks you are gorgeous and attractive? I have to fish for the compliments... but yes.

    How long have you been in a relationship with eachother? Year and a half Have either of you ever cheated on the other? Never, and he says he hasn't cheated on me.

    Does he work hard and suffer with a stressful job? Lately, hsi work has been very stressful, and life cause he is selling his house.
     
  5. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2009
    Messages:
    7,317
    Likes Received:
    8


    Why do you think it is a Testosterone problem? I mean you say he has a high stress job and suffers with self esteem issues, you also seem to suggest that he has emotional problems and is emotionally distant.

    You've been going out a year and a half and he thinks you're only with him for his money? That's not a good sign.

    You didn't answer the most important question, can you be in a relationship without a proper sex life? It's perfectly normal and reasonable to say you couldn't be in a relationship without sex, it's normal to want to have a healthy sex life.

    Ultimately you need to try to talk to him about how this makes you feel, calmly and without arguing and impress upon him that while you love him you also need to have a proper sex life. If he proves unwilling to listen and does not want to work with you to change the situation you need to decide to do what is necessary for you to be happy and fulfilled.
     
  6. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    I think it is a bad relationship problem. Not only do you fight, the sex isn't good. You need to move on. You two are not even conveniences to each other as it is now.
     
  7. Bimanhung

    Bimanhung Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2009
    Messages:
    266
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    22
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    wow - doesn't sound great. It may be time for you to go your own way and find someone who shows affection
     
  8. D_Harry_Crax

    D_Harry_Crax Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2006
    Messages:
    4,642
    Likes Received:
    34
  9. dangly

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2010
    Messages:
    251
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Verified:
    Photo
    I agree with the others -- the relationship is over and you need to move on.
     
  10. bearvwe

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London (GB)
    Verified:
    Photo
    You have hardly kissed since the night you met!!!! It's not a testosterone issue honey - he just doesn't get turned on by you. So why exactly do you want to stay with him? And don't say you "love" him - that's just a cop out answer. Time for you to get a grip and get a life I think. Find someone who will treasure you.

     
  11. starstruck

    starstruck New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2008
    Messages:
    220
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    He has a problem with his sexual comfortablity. WIth a "stranger" he can get hard and enjoy, but gets bored or uncomfortable with a longer-term partner. Not terribly unusual. You might want to move on if sex is important to you.
     
  12. XSILVER

    XSILVER Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2010
    Messages:
    828
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    755
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Toronto
    There is someone out there that is gonna make you feel amazing and re-born. I think its time to move on and explore other options.
     
  13. D_CountVonBhigBohner

    D_CountVonBhigBohner Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2008
    Messages:
    2,697
    Likes Received:
    23
    This may be harsh...but here goes. If he isn't getting it from you, he's getting it somewhere else. It's probably a good time to go somewhere and have a long talk.
     
  14. DanilloD

    DanilloD New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2010
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Cali
    Have you tried talking to him about it?

    Stress is the #1 given reason for men on why they don't want sex. If he truly is stressed then maybe that's it. If he has depression issues... well the testosterone suggestion IS a possibility, and easy to test for and address. But the end result is, if you're unhappy, and he's not willing to do what is necessary to make you happy... move on.

    It hurts, it takes a LOT of time and strength to pull yourself out of it (I just ended a 4 year relationship for the SAME reasons) but if you have to do it... do it.

    An easy way to see if it's just that he is bored with you, as much as it will suck, is ask if HE wants to open the relationship - stress on HIM not you. If he's willing and excited to fuck others but not you, then you know it's over. If he says no, is appalled and doesn't want to fuck ANYONE... well stress, test., or again it's already over.
     
  15. B_curiousme01

    B_curiousme01 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2009
    Messages:
    1,079
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dreamplane
    It could be a medical problem. Also, he might not be attracted to you any longer or he has other partners. I have read so many posts here from men who sleep with multiple guys and never feel the need to share it with their partner. Some are even married. He obviously is not good for you in any way. Move on.
     
  16. erratic

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    4,410
    Likes Received:
    287
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    DTMFA.

    Whatever issues he's got, sexually (and he's definitely got them), after a year and a half has he shown any interest in meeting your needs half-way, or looking in to why he has such a low sex drive? On top of that he blames you for "taking too long" and says he gets bored while blowing you?

    After a year and a half of disrespecting your completely legitimate, expectable, and healthy sexual desires - after a year and a half of disrespecting you - is a sudden turn-around in his sex drive going to fix things? I want to root for you guys. I really do. But right now by staying with him you're enabling him and depriving you of a healthy relationship.

    DTMFA.
     
  17. dad4you

    dad4you Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Messages:
    872
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Boise, Idaho
    once more LPSG members have helped in my education. I never heard of this before :)
     
Draft saved Draft deleted