My boyfriend is a male escort

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by cinderian, Dec 24, 2006.

  1. cinderian

    cinderian New Member

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    I am dating an awesome man. I love him. I am 46 and he is 15 years younger than me. He is so sexy, a great kisser, and he is good in bed. He treats me so special. We have been together for 3 months now. He currently works odd hours as an escort and gets paid to have sex with other men. He only performs safe sex and using condoms.

    I am wondoring if other guys or gals have been in similar relationships? If your relationships worked out well for you and if you might have some advice to share. Rarely do I get jealous over his clients. I know that he loves me and we are serious about our relationship. We both look at his current occupation as just a job, that like some, has it's risks. Any comments?

    Thanks
     
  2. FreshOnTheScene

    FreshOnTheScene New Member

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    The first thing that comes to mind is if your boyfriend gets a certain customer that repeats often. From what I read your boyfriend knows his job, but I personally would be a bit wary if a certain man keeps calling your boyfriend, but maybe that's just me.

    Well I must say if you and your boyfriend can have a solid relationship with him being an escort, kudos to you both. I cannot imagine having an escort for a girlfriend, just something I cannot mentally handle. I wish you both the best and congratulations on your relationship.
     
  3. PowayWolfman

    PowayWolfman Well-Known Member

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    I actualy have a bud in Chicago who is a Escort... When ever we get a change to meet up we always end up sleeping together, Its kinda a rush that a guy like me can make a profeshinal moan and drool over my cock XD...

    but yeah. Not a boy friend, but a best bud and we seem to work fine XD
     
  4. headbang8

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    Cinderian, reading your post reminds me how great gay relationships can be. Every gay relationship is negotiated form scratch; few bring the baggage of social expectations. That means almost anything is negotiable.

    Personally, I think men can have sex without intimacy (like your boyfriend in his job), but recognise that intimacy needs sex (like you and your boyfriend together). It sounds like you both approach the subject pretty sensibly, and have good idea of the role sex plays in your relationship.

    Only one word of caution. I once had a relationship with a guy who had been a male excort in his youth. I think one of the reasons he did it (apart from the money) was to reassure himself of his own sexual desirability. His customers were buying sex with mooney, but in a twisted way, he was buying self-esteem with sex. When that dysfunctional little equation didn't add up any more, he spiralled downward into flaky behaviour and alcohol abuse. Alas, It took a toll on our relationship.

    That said, it sounds as though you and your guy have these emotional issues well sorted out. May you have many years of happiness.
     
  5. eastbaydude

    eastbaydude New Member

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    I used to go out with a stripper. In the beginning it was cool - then, it "cooled" off. What happened was that she had very different values than me. It was fun while it lasted, but be careful about investing all of yourself in it.

    Sure, there are strippers/escorts who treat it as a business and get what they can from it, but what I've found is that most of them are a bit messed up. It's just what I've seen.

    Good luck.
     
  6. hungboytoy

    hungboytoy New Member

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    enjoy the sex and his friendship be carefull of getting too close however... You didn't mention his size is he above average or omg huge..... how big is his cock??? just curious not like its a sercert u know.....
     
  7. Yummy

    Yummy New Member

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    I have dated a former escort. He stopped partially bc in his own mind he started to wonder what the difference was between what he was saying to his clients, and to his girlfriend, when the words were all the same. Now that I've inherited him, it's sometimes an interesting dance between convincing him that he's valuable without sex, but also sleeping with him (which phase of our relationship, he initiated).

    My situation is a bit different than yours, as he is/was younger than your S.O., however, you asked about experiences, so there it is.
     
  8. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    Look at the positive side of this............everyone else is having to pay for what you are getting for free.
     
  9. glenroebuck

    glenroebuck New Member

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    bah - if you like him who the hell cares what he does for a living?? I dated a guy that escorted - he was afraid to tell me at first -then a friend told me - so that night after we fucked I asked him how much he would charge for that - he got this look on his face like "oh SHIT" ...I laughed told him I didn't give a shit..

    he was sweet too and a huuuuge cock
     
  10. Snozzle

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    Other things being equal (and other things would be very rarely equal, but if you two have a really good relationship, and he is really together about his work being just work, and not something he does to relieve his own inadequacies), I would be wondering how much sexual energy he'd have left for me after he finishes work.
     
  11. karmen

    karmen New Member

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    I have never dated an escort but I do work as an "erotic entertainer". Yes, that's a stripper to most "civilians". LOL.

    I find that I am not taken as seriously by many men or women because of my job. Sure, there are exceptions to that scenerio but it seems to be the general case.

    For example, either I'm seen as a "good time girl". Or they wonder what's wrong with me that I can't get another type of job. Or they assume I was mistreated as a child. Or assume that I'm undereducated. Or that I'm a drug addict. Or that I have a pimp. Or I am morally bankrupct.

    Every once in a while, I will find someone in my life who I want to have a relationship with but usually that person wants me to stop being an entertainer and really is still assuming that I AM MY JOB. That doesn't seem to be the situation in your case and I personally applaud that decision.

    You seem to care for this person. If so, all I can really say is let your relationship and your love be this person's safe harbour. We all need love. Just because a person is in the sex industry--at any level--that doesn't stop him or her from needing the security, warmth and love of a solid relationship. I wish you two all the best.

    Hugs and Kisses,

    Karmen
     
  12. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    I briefly dated a hooker but it was too weird for me. Sex didn't seem special to him, it was like fucking a robot. I guess this works for some, didn't for me. By the time I dated him, I had retired from my brief journey into whoredom.
     
  13. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    You know, Cinderain.

    I admire the amount of trust you have in him. I have always wondered how those in the business of sex can manage to have a relationship with a 9-5 guy/girl.

    I have never been in one of those relationships, though I was close once. We got along well, it was nice... right as things could have started, the phone rang. I realized there could be A LOT of incidences like that and the green-eyed monster freaked.

    He sounds like a nice guy. If he treats you right and you are both happy, give it a go.:smile:
     
  14. Wrey

    Wrey New Member

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    Many people struggle with the separation of work and real life regardless of profesion: doctors, law enforcement officers, oil rig workers... Many jobs can place a strain on one's relationship. I think it's a matter of remembering that there is a difference between what we do and who we are. Make sure that you guys make your intimate time together something special and don't let things become routine. Routine can easily become obligation, obligation smells alot like work.... see where I'm going?
     
  15. buddy629

    buddy629 Member

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    Cinderain,
    It sounds like you care for this man quite a bit. Above all else, that is most important. That being said, let's discuss some possible concerns;

    What consenting adults do with their own bodies is their business. Our sexual freedoms are very important in our private lives. If you are TRULY ok with him sharing his body with other people, than it will work out ok on your end. If he is TRULY able to emotionally separate himself from his tricks, and save a part of himself that he only shares with you, than he has established an emotional barrier that will allow him to purposefully contribute to your relationship that is necessary for your relationship to continue to grow. Sometimes this is easier said than done. Make sure you are always open and honest with each other about everything. This won't leave any room for doubt, suspicion, or jealousy. What are his motivations for turning tricks? is it really JUST about the money?

    Many people in the sex industry [and I'm only generalizing] have been sexually abused at some point in their lives. This can make it very difficult for them to ever trust or deeply connect with another person again. Therapy can be a very important tool to help them conquer this experience and learn to love, and trust again. I'm not saying this is a reason to end the relationship. I only bring this up to allow you to prepare yourself for the possibility that there may be more under the surface that you are percieving at the moment. In the future, their could come a time when he will trust you enought to discuss this with you, if at all. If this time comes, it will be difficult for both of you, and will also be a good opportunity for each of you to grow in trust and in love for one another.

    It has only been 3 months. I know, in 'gay years' that's like 5 years, but remember to watch out for yourself. As long as he is turning tricks, you must always have protected sex together. Whether you are HIV + or -, it dosen't matter, either way, it's just too risky for you. Love dosen't protect you from someone elses indiscretions...but condoms do.

    Along with sexual freedom, comes sexual responsibility. Getting tested (for all STDs) regularly is an important part of our sexual responsibility that we owe to ourselfs and to our future partners. For his saftey, and yours, both of you should be tested at least once every 4 months. Many STDs are detected after a minimum of 2 months after exposure. If you were to catch anything, starting treatment ASAP is very important.

    I hope that I was helpful.
    Take care of yourself and each other.
     
  16. Duane.Ament

    Duane.Ament Member

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    I think it's a fascinating topic: You just would need to think of your bf's sex with his clients as his job (which it is)...and nothing more.

    I would assume that professional escorts are pretty good about not developing feelings for clients...so his job is really no different than if her were modeling or a personal trainer or physical therapist.

    I hope it works out for you.
     
  17. B_Hung Muscle

    B_Hung Muscle New Member

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    My best friend dated a male escort -- they actually met in the "client" relationship. They have stayed together for a decade. Theirs is an awesome, loving, caring relationship.

    Josh stopped escorting after a year and went back to school. He's a nurse now, and is my best sounding board for the elegant complexities of human behavior.
     
  18. goodwood

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    Cinderian -
    Straight away, good thread. I think you are among the brave few who have (or will admit they have) dated someone in this line of work.
    I would imagine that the erractic work hours might be a bit stressful for you at times? Does this make you feel neglected or less than when a work call takes precedence over time with you?
    That is wonderful that you are happy with one another and are serious about the other one.
    Three months is long enough to know that it is not a couple week daliance but three months seems pretty green to me for a relationship. But you sound like you have connected on a solid level and will continue to be honest with each other.
    All the best.
     
  19. Male Bonding etc

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    I've never done it, but I suppose it's like being in a relationship with an actor... some of them last for a long time, some of them don't.

    [The thread reminds me of a time when a friend of mine suggested that I be an escort. It would have been a total NON-fit for me, but the thought occured to me that he may have entertained hopes that under those circumstances he could have gotten somewhere with me that he wasn't getting otherwise... ]

    I guess for me sex is too much a part of a very personal and intimate relationship. It would appear that there are plenty of people on this site who feel differently, but sex for hire always indicates HUGE cultural/personal/emotional differences to me.
     
  20. northwestone

    northwestone New Member

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    Cinderian started this thread 11 months ago and he's only been with his partner for three - I wonder if they're still together?

    my first boyfriend was a rent boy and he had trouble reconciling sex and intimacy/emotions, after years of switching one off to do the other.... our relationship floundered because of that.
     
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