My boyfriend is still close friends with his ex

aninnymouse

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I also told him that I would most likely NOT be becoming friends with his ex. And he said that is fine so long as I'm friend-LY towards him which I agreed to be. His ex technically hasn't done anything wrong. I only don't like him because of how my boyfriend reacts around him.

But hopefully things will get better. And I'm not a doormat and I do have enough self respect to leave if things don't change.

Hope for the best, but expect the worst.

Honestly, yes, his ex has done some wrong things. Your bf's ex is NOT respecting the boundaries of your relationship. If he had respect for those boundaries, he wouldn't be talking to your BF so much, especially while the two of you were trying to spend intimate time together. Yeah, your guy is enabling it, but the ex should know better.

I would be polite, and nothing more. And not all that friendly.

In all honesty, I don't see this ending well. Being friends with, or on friendly terms with an ex is one thing. Not respecting boundaries is another.
 

trjnhrs9

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Break up. Period. He isn't over his ex and a year from now you'll be kicking yourself for having stayed any longer than you have. He may NOW be all the wonderful things you say he is. But again, in a year, you won't think he's all that great.
 

lafever

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ugh I just typed a really long thing and then went to post and it said "token expired" and then everything I wrote was gone.

ANYWAY, to make a long story short, I had a long phone conversation with him today. I let him know just how serious this situation is and that it could cause an end to our relationship.

We came to a mutual agreement. He said he would do his best to take me more into consideration and that he would try to stop his destructive behavior. In exchange, I agreed to let him know if he's doing something that bothers me right when it happens instead of letting it go and then bombarding him with it later like I have been doing.'

I think it was a healthy conversation and I think we're a healthier couple because of it. I know some here probably wont agree though. But, I keeping him.
Sounds like you found your backbone, good deal;)
I also told him that I would most likely NOT be becoming friends with his ex. And he said that is fine so long as I'm friend-LY towards him which I agreed to be. His ex technically hasn't done anything wrong. I only don't like him because of how my boyfriend reacts around him.

But hopefully things will get better. And I'm not a doormat and I do have enough self respect to leave if things don't change.
If he wants you to be friendly and you agree that's very big of you, show him how big you are next time you're both around his ex by giving your boyfriend a hot kiss in front of his ex.
Let the ex know that he's yours now, that he had his chance.
If your boyfriend refuses to kiss you in front of his ex then walk out, make him pursue you and don't look back.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is make it about yourself, lately it's been all about him.
Let him tag along your side for awhile, then submitt to a truce and have some make up sex, it's the best.

C.
 
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dolfette

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next time you're both around his ex by giving your boyfriend a hot kiss in front of his ex.
Let the ex know that he's yours now, that he had his chance.
If your boyfriend refuses to kiss you in front of his ex slap him and walk out, make him persue you and don't look back.
seriously??

childish games aside, how is physical violence excusable here?
assaulting people for not kissing you is lame in the extreme.

i hope that post was sarcastic.
 

lafever

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seriously??

childish games aside, how is physical violence excusable here?
assaulting people for not kissing you is lame in the extreme.

i hope that post was sarcastic.
It's about love, he has to show how much it hurts.
If he just walks out then he's a lush and his boyfriend will never pursue him.
But that's just if he doesn't get his kiss.
I'll tell you what though, I'll edit my post for all the pansies out there, some don't call it physical violence they call it fourplay.
But then again calling it childish and comparing it to physical violence, this comes from a woman who has posted pictures of bondage, being taped up with gray tape that's often used in homicides and rapes, not to mention pointing a knife at ones head.
You've got alot of room to talk when it comes to a man slapping another man in the heat of a moment, just saying.


C.
 
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dolfette

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It's about love, he has to show how much it hurts.
If he just walks out then he's a lush and his boyfriend will never pursue him.
But that's just if he doesn't get his kiss.


C.
no... it's about domestic violence.
a premeditated attack.
if he does that then he's abusive.
(and the ex is fully justified in telling the bf that the bf is better off without that shit and that it's better finding out about his violent streak sooner rather than later.)
 

lafever

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no... it's about domestic violence.
a premeditated attack.
if he does that then he's abusive.
(and the ex is fully justified in telling the bf that the bf is better off without that shit and that it's better finding out about his violent streak sooner rather than later.)
Get a life, there's no domestic violence, if he wants to press charges for being slapped then he's a bigger loser than imagined.

Again, this comming from someone who posted bondage pictures of yourself in gray tape, looked painfull too.

Many including myself would not only consider that domestic violence but just plain nuts, especially those photos with the knife.

It all looks bad on your part like you enjoy being violated or abused, what's up with that?

I guess if anyone would know about domestic violence it would be you.

C.
 
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dolfette

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Get a life, there's no domestic violence, if he wants to press charges for being slapped then he's a bigger loser than imagined.

Again, this comming from someone who posted bondage pictures of yourself in gray tape, looked painfull too.

Many including myself would not only consider that domestic violence but just plain nuts, especially those photos with the knife.

It all looks bad on your part like you enjoy being violated or abused, what's up with that?

I guess it anyone would know about domestic violence it would be you.

C.
''Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality''

that's the uk gov's definition.

if you want to bring up my sex life, then that's fine. what happened in those pictures was entirely consensual.

so if his bf expresses a kinky desire to be slapped in the face then i will be 100% behind their right to explore that part of their relationship. until that happens though, it's abuse. you may think it's a trivial matter. i do not.
 
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lafever

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''Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality''

that's the uk gov's definition.

if you want to bring up my sex life, then that's fine. what happened in those pictures was entirely consensual.

so if his bf expresses a kinky desire to be slapped in the face then i will be 100% behind their right to explore that part of their relationship. until that happens though, it's abuse. you may think it's a trivial matter. i do not.
Go smoke your pipe, if he's in a relationship with him than it's consensual.
I've slapped my wifes ass harder than he probly would and she liked it, alot.
I didn't ask her if she wanted me to do it i just did it.
If you told my wife that getting slapped in the ass was a premeditated attack that it was domestic violence she'd call you a nut.
A plain and simple slap to the face, one that only gets ones attention and is not a hard slap or a painfull one, just one that's embarrassing is not what you're making it out to be.


C.
 
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dolfette

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Go smoke your pipe, if he's in a relationship with him than it's consensual.

C.
and where would you draw the line on that one?
marital rape was once legal because of that reasoning.
no, dating a person does not automatically create consent.

smoke me pipe... is that an insinuation that i must be on drugs to not agree with you?
 

lafever

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and where would you draw the line on that one?
marital rape was once legal because of that reasoning.
no, dating a person does not automatically create consent.

smoke me pipe... is that an insinuation that i must be on drugs to not agree with you?
I think you're fighting for non-existant virtues, In simple terms you were just looking for a fight.
You know damn well what I meant, I know because you left it out of your quote, here there's the rest of it-
I've slapped my wifes ass harder than he probly would and she liked it, alot.
I didn't ask her if she wanted me to do it i just did it.
If you told my wife that getting slapped in the ass was a premeditated attack that it was domestic violence she'd call you a nut.
A plain and simple slap to the face, one that only gets ones attention and is not a hard slap or a painfull one, just one that's embarrassing is not what you're making it out to be.


C.
 

dolfette

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i'm really not interested in your sex life.

that 'simple slap', done as a petulant and childish manipulation, to punish a partner for stepping out of line is not legal, not reasonable, not adult and not ok.
and it's a stupid gamble. it's not unlikely that the ex would respond to the bf being assaulted by being violent himself. the bf might retaliate or, quite reasonably, decide he wants nothing to do with a violent man. the bf might press charges which, even if you think it's lame, could saddle the guy with a criminal record and ruin his life.
 

lafever

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i'm really not interested in your sex life.

that 'simple slap', done as a petulant and childish manipulation, to punish a partner for stepping out of line is not legal, not reasonable, not adult and not ok.
and it's a stupid gamble. it's not unlikely that the ex would respond to the bf being assaulted by being violent himself. the bf might retaliate or, quite reasonably, decide he wants nothing to do with a violent man. the bf might press charges which, even if you think it's lame, could saddle the guy with a criminal record and ruin his life.
Get a life dolfette, let it go!
I edited my post over an hour ago just for you but that wasn't good enough!
You're holding the thread hostage, let it go!
 

dolfette

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tantrum?

you ask me to let it go, yet you are still here arguing that it's ok. so really your demand is just that i let you have the last word.
(i have never understood the giant font thing)

i appreciate you editing your original post though.
 

lafever

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tantrum?

you ask me to let it go, yet you are still here arguing that it's ok. so really your demand is just that i let you have the last word.

i appreciate you editing your original post though.
I was editing it when you made your post to leave out the slap because I just knew someone would take it out of context and make it more than what it is, then I read your post and you quoted me with it in there so I put it back in, then it turned into a slug feast so I went back just for you to re-do the edit that I had originally edited that I had put back, wew!
Ok, now that you've officially sucked the life out of me this morning I bid you adieu.

C.
 
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B_Over_Endowed_EMT

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For starters, you can be close friends with an ex. The problem is how exactly the relationship is conducted. From what you've said it sounds like your partner hasnt gotten over the ex. You being concerned about it doesnt make you insecure or anything else. It seems like your partner is just waiting around til the ex becomes available.

Talk to your S.O. Set some ground rules or try to come to a compromise. Either way you should be the person your partner is more concerned about not the ex. It also sounds like the ex is a bit of an attention whore. Based on how your partner fawns all over them and a alleged suicide attempt it could all just be for attention. This is just my opinion. Plus Im a bit biased against people that "try to commit suicide" from personal experiences.

Talk to them. Speak your mind. If they dont try to come to a compromise then theyre not the one for you.