my boyfriend says sex isn't beautiful.

[BoredKid]

hey its true, especially gay sex. but i just dont understand how he cant get it through his head how amazing it really is. hes into kinky stuff, as am i, and we have fun together. but he says that our sex life is completely different from our relationship. and it drives me crazy. he wants a monogamous relationship and im happy hes letting me be the first. but i dont know how to show him the beauty of sex. ive tried being romantic but he still thinks the whole thing is just two people satisfying their bodies together and the fact that were doing it together is just by a happy coincidence. has anyone else dated anyone like this?

 

[BigTodger]

Some guys just like the whole 'raunchiness' of sex. Its not a big deal so just enjoy the fact your guy is sex mad. My partner of over twenty years had the same mindset when we first got together but these days he loves the whole romance of it. Just enjoy yourself you have many many years ahead of you. :biggrin1:

 

[helgaleena]

Some people actually need to think sex is dirty to get aroused... Go figure. Secretly you can realize it's a way to worship, but it's not how everyone is.

 

[deleted3782]

I agree with the boyfriend. Sex isnt very beautiful to me. Sensual? Yes. Beautiful? no. What is beautiful about it? Maybe the relationship is beautiful...maybe the emotions are...but the sex is just...wet.

 

[runningwoof]

Husband and I have the same issue...I am on the other side tho...Sex is just sex to me. It is much more intense with husband than anyone else, but I have no emotional connection to it like he does. It does cause some friction (no pun intended) in the relationship. I would also like to be able to play outside the relationship, and he wants monogamy...I don't really have a supped up sex drive or anything, but really get off on flirting with strangers...

 

[D_Seymour Skidmarx]

sex isnt beautiful making love is.

 

[bwhip1011]

I agree with the boyfriend. Sex isnt very beautiful to me. Sensual? Yes. Beautiful? no. What is beautiful about it? Maybe the relationship is beautiful...maybe the emotions are...but the sex is just...wet.

Yes. All the rest of the relationship is what's beautiful, but the sex itself no. It's hot, but I don't think that I'd use the word beautiful either.

 

[D_Gallalye Goodlolly]

i think its just the mindset similar to some guyd/girls only wana have sex with someone they love/rily care about and some pple can have sex regardless of feelings.so if u are of the former mindset,sex would be beautiful to u,but if u're or thee latter,well i guess it'll just be.....wet!lol.

 

[helgaleena]

Husband and I have the same issue...I am on the other side tho...Sex is just sex to me. It is much more intense with husband than anyone else, but I have no emotional connection to it like he does. It does cause some friction (no pun intended) in the relationship. I would also like to be able to play outside the relationship, and he wants monogamy...I don't really have a supped up sex drive or anything, but really get off on flirting with strangers...

Since you call him husband, I hope you realize what a good thing you have and confine your fooling around to just flirting. If your man's opinion matters enough you call him husband, it has to be like that.

 

[HungThickProf]

Sex isn't meant to be beautiful. Making love? Sure, why not. But just straight-up raw fucking? That's supposed to be some nasty shit. I mean the type of shit that makes you wanna take a voice changer in with you the next time you go to confession. Holy water should scorch your skin like having nair on for too long. Fuck it- I just say own it and bump uglies. At least your boyfriend isn't telling you that he doesn't like have sex. Because that would be a deal-breaker, and I'd wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors as I help him pack his shit. You know what I mean?!

 

[haulthat]

As much as I respect the filthy mind Dante has. I might care to look at this in a different light. Different things are comfortable for different people. Giving yourself to someone on an emotional level is different than giving them your body. A fuck is safe, everybody does it. To really allow yourself, or rather for some... FORCE yourself to make love to someone is a whole other experience. It may be scary for some people, or difficult to really get the sparks to fly. Once you go there your body has feelings for that person aside from what your mind has to say, and that is a little scary when you think about it.

 

[maxcok]

"my boyfriend says sex isn't beautiful"

hey its true, especially gay sex.

.. Why should gay sex be any less "beautiful" than straight sex? I wonder what underlying feelings you have about gay sex that would cause you to think that.

As for the rest of your post, sex is like any other shared activity. If it's shared with someone with whom you have a close caring relationship, it can be quite beautiful. Then so can dancing, walking in the rain, or building a fence together.

I think the expectation that sex should be "beautiful" develops from social conditioning by 'civilized' society,
and especially from puritanical religious notions that sex should only happen between monogamous committed married heterosexual couples, and mainly for procreative purposes. Look at the romantic and/or evasive euphemisms society uses - "sleeping together", "making love", etc. . . .

I'm reminded of children's sex ed books from the 50's and 60's, "When Mommy and Daddy love each other very much, they want to be very close and caress each other, and *poof* a baby appears". I'm paraphrasing a bit, but I remember that's where I first read the word "caress", and once I understood the meaning, I was still confused how the egg and sperm hooked up from a "caress". It has to be the ultimate euphemism for fucking.

Because we have this social conditioning, furthermore complicated by the physical and emotional exposure we're subjected to in sexual encounters, many people feel there's something wrong if the sex isn't based on some special romantic/spiritual connection between the participants, something "beautiful". Sex is emotional territory for many people, a minefield for some, and they just can't get around that hardwiring. There's nothing wrong with that, but if you feel uncomfortable or out of synch with your boyfriend, it might help you to accept his feelings about sex if you understand he's just wired differently from you and why. Or it might help you to rewire yourself to the point that sex doesn't always have to be something deep, meaningful and beautiful.

Speaking personally, I can "make beautiful love" having sex, or in the way I prepare a ham sandwich.
Or I can just slap some meat in a bun, or shoot some hot monkey lava down a warm wet willing hole. :smile:

 

[B_subgirrl]

For me, sex is just sex. It's fantastic, it's amazing, but it's not beautiful or romantic, no matter who I do it with.

 

[arthur]

Sex is as beautiful as the relationship that the people having sex let it or want it to be.

 

[erratic]

hey its true, especially gay sex.

I'm with max on this one.

What the fuck?

 

[heist]

What is beautiful, anyway? Talking about things in such broad, subjective terms is kinda silly. It's just begging to be misunderstood or poorly-received.

I'd guess it's actually that you two both regard sex similarly in concrete terms, but you have different definitions of these vague, conceptual terms (like beautiful, sexy, fun, hot etc.).

 

[Miscer]

What could be more beautiful than a man shoving his penis into another man's hairy shit-caked anus, releasing into the atmosphere the aroma of ass.


I josh, brethren. Sex is inherently messy. If you want to play with the elastic semantic range of the word "beautiful", go right ahead!

 

[deleted15807]

Your boyfriend is right. There is nothing inherently 'beautiful' about sex. It's pretty common throughout many life forms on the planet.

 

[B_thickjohnny]

My ex was sort of like this. When ever he wanted to get off he'd use my ass. That's how it felt. He was never romantic. No kissing, cuddling, holding - nothing that would symbolize romantic love/feelings/emotions. I felt better having sex with someone I didn't know. They'd kiss me and hold me and rub my body etc... all the things that I feel goes with sex/love making.