My Bromance
- Thread starter StolAdele101
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Don’t be drunk when you talk to him. I know it’s tempting but if you’re both drunk neither of you are getting the real person and reactions are exaggerated.
Try speaking when sober and prefacing it by admitting you are being vulnerable with him right now and would appreciate him listening and giving you his honest reaction... and no matter what, the friendship you have is the most important thing and you don’t want to lose that.
When I was younger I had a lot of deep feelings for my friends, both male and female. While intense, over time they would sublimate into genuine loving friendship, not a crush or unrequited love.
As I’ve gotten older, I have gotten better at speaking openly and directly with straight male friends and admitting love and attraction for them. All are flattered, all say they love me too, none has indicated interest in any sexual interaction, even when I have put the option explicitly on the table.
To preserve your friendship, be prepared for your buddy to listen to you, accept you, but not entirely reciprocate your intense feelings. If you can’t handle that, then you shouldn’t say anything.
Yes, you are right.. but whenever we are drunk, we can confess feelings that we are scared to confess sober, me and him. So thats why I wanted to tell him i love while beeing drunk.
I think this is the most beautiful thing ever. I say that because I have been in an "almost exact: same situation when i was a couple years younger than you.... I am 36 now. My advice to you is to let things evolve and present themselves naturally. I can say this as someone from the future. Enjoy every minute of this period of your life. Continue to Cherish your relationship with this person and just let things happen..... if it is meant to be. Perhaps he IS just trying to process what he has just learnt and perhaps he does feel the same as you do as a previous poster wrote. And Maybe not. But either way, you have thrown it out in the universe and now you have to see if it comes back to you. The fact of the matter is that you do not know where he stands with his sexuality and that is not something you want to press. Love is love... but sometimes it cannot be a sexual love.... From the bottom of my heart I really...REALLY hopes this works out for you in the way that you are hoping because it seams as if you two share a magical connection.
Please let us know what happens after your camping trip.
X
Please let us know what happens after your camping trip.
X
Wow, thanks for your geniue response.. its killing me the line between friendship and relationship if you know what i mean.. sometimes he acts like my friend, but sometimes he doesn’t want to let go.. i tried to distant him from myself, but he always comes back.. he never let go. I bought him a present few mouths ago, a bracelet, and since then he is wearing it all the time. Once he said: i never wear things i don’t appreciate. He only wears my braclet, and a ring from his mom.. i only want to know what does he feel.. im not trying to get in bed with him.. i just love his existence around me.
Btw, we talked since that party, and he said that he was trying to take a rest from everybody. He was feeling kinda pressured for some reason and he needed a time for himself.. I thought he was trying to distant himself from me.. but i guess everything its okay.
I hope i have the gut to finally confess my feelings for him.. any ideas on how to confess my feelings without destroying a friendship?
And his birthday its coming soon. Any ideas for a present?
OK... A few things here. The line between friend and lover is a very fine one. Just be you and do you. Don't try to distance yourself from him see test waters..... of course he will come back to you... you are best friends! If he didn't, there would be serious questions you should be asking. Don't make things about you..... If hes quite or distance one day, hes going through something. Its not because of you!!! Ask him if he is alright and offer your shoulder, and then leave it alone. Don't pester him to open up... you won't get far. Be cool, relaxed and the friend he needs.!
I think it is great that he is expressing what is going on inside of his head as in him feeling that he needed to get away from everyone and take a moment for him. This is great and you have to respect this and give him the time he is needing.
Now as for the bracelet, I think this is sweet and once again, I've been there. Its always nice to know that he is representing a part of you on his body, however, In my opinion, unless it is an engagement ring, its just a bracelet that represents your friendship... Sorry
If you confess your feelings to this boy, you do it to be honest and to be true to yourself! PERIOD!!! despite if it works out or not. You have to say "I love this boy and if he does not want to be around me as much after learning this, at least I told him how I feel and I have been honest to myself" Take it as a life lesson, do your crying, and you eventually move beyond it. As for how to tell him that you are weak in the knees for him.... say it as your thinking it..... I've always said that. I can tell you what I would say but that is not going to help you. You need to be true and YOU!!
Birthday: Is there something the you two share a mutual interest in? If so, get him something to do with that. If not perhaps there is something that you two share, like an inside joke or story that no one knows about. If not...errrrr.... a T-Shirt?..... LOL
You have an interesting situation. Talking while sober is always the best bet, I agree with Xsilver give this time and patience. The thing to cherish is the friendship, the more time you both spend together the more the layers of emotion tend to disappear. Life brings us lots of friends but few one truly loves. We all carry baggage from growing up, we also carry fears that to the person are real. As you say, "I just love his existence around me." To have a friend like that is wonderful, it looks like you have a good person there who is willing to be on the journey with you, as your relationship deepens continue to build those bonds. When and if the sexual relationship starts it will be a continuation of your deep friendship and expression of love, which is what we all strive for in life.
You’re getting a lot of great advice here from folks. I do appreciate your situation. My heart goes out to you. I hope everything resolved in the best way possible for you both and your friendship.
Oh please, take the hint. When he says he's taking a rest from everybody - that means you and yes, he is trying to put distance between you without being hurtful. Stop 'confessing' your feelings, you've already done that twice, it's weirding him out. Just carry on as before and don’t verbalise everything but probably too late for that.
Don’t do it. In my, and the majority opinions here you shouldn’t share your feelings as it will change your relationship forever. I know it’s hard, really hard! But it’ll ruin what you have right now and you’ve had a taste of that already. I’ve been in the exact position as you And it messed everything up. I was outed and shunned by not just him but everyone. We never really spoke ever again and even now, 15 years later, if I saw him it would be extremely awkward and difficult. Just think about what you’re doing.
Honestly mate, listen to us. Enjoy the time you’re spending together, live in the moment and don’t over think things. It will evolve into what it’s meant to be whether it’s a strong friendship or a relationship but you have to leave it get there. If you force it, it won’t work. how do you know that he isn’t massively confused about why he feels so strongly about you and he’s trying to work things out in his own time? If you then add the ‘three little words’ to the mix then he’s just going to focus on you being the problem and not only detach himself from you but possibly make him regress so he over presents as straight so the same thing doesn’t happen again!
If you put him in a position where it seems like he has to choose a romantic relationship with you or nothing at all, he'll end it. It's fine to love a friend deeply. It's not fine to try to force reciprocation.
ttmax
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I can't help thinking that what you said to him on the first night was too ambiguous and you didn't help matters by leaving him for the next 24 hours to try and work out what you meant. So, when you spoke to him the following night, he had probably been feeling confused about your friendship, perhaps you were going off him, perhaps on the other hand he was not ready for an expression of stronger feelings.
What you told him on the second night is not incompatible with the feelings for you which he had previously expressed, so it does look as if he is conflicted.
I'm not sure that a camping trip with friends is the best opportunity to chat further with him on this topic. Certainly your antenna would need to be extremely acute and softly, softly the best approach. It may be that your friends will pick up on tension between you, if that happens, and it is none of their business. Neither of you would want that outcome. There is no quick and easy emotional escape route in that situation.
I agree that it sounds like when you "confessed" the firs time, it was very vague and probably left him confused. If he felt the same about you (romantic feelings), I think he would have pursued clarity and would have been excited by what you did say. But, he pulled back. I agree that it's likely that for him it's just friendship. If you confess further, you are likely taking a big risk of losing him altogether. Which would be more painful for you -- to take a risk of losing him completely and confess how you feel, or keeping it just a friendship but continuing to have him in your life while keeping your feelings secret? Both are crappy options, I know.
One thought I have if you are going to "confess" is instead of saying "I love you" (likely to totally freak him out since "love" is such a loaded work), trying saying something like "I've never been this close to a guy friend before, and maybe I'm just imagining it, but sometimes it almost feels too close, like we almost act like boyfriends. Does it feel like that to you too?" That way, you're just inquiring about what's going on for both of you instead of it being a one-way "love" confession that would be impossible to take back if he reacts badly.
I went through a very similar experience when I was 19. He was 18. We did EVERYTHING together, even peeing, sleeping in the same bed (and sometimes cuddling) and showering. I was completely in love with him and was convinced that there had to be something going on for him, too. I never told him and instead kept it to myself. Then came the day when he had sex for the first time with a girl and started dating her. I was crushed. It was so painful. But, as time went on and our friendship continued, I eventually came out to him as gay and I realized that he had no interest in guys at all. For him, it was all just friendship, even though we were ridiculously close. I'm glad now I didn't tell him I thought I was in love with him when it was at its peak, because he was not in love with me. Instead, I chose the route of continuing to be close, but having to hide my feelings. That sucked. But for me it was better that than losing him altogether.
I know how hard this is for you and how much he means to you. So hard.
One thought I have if you are going to "confess" is instead of saying "I love you" (likely to totally freak him out since "love" is such a loaded work), trying saying something like "I've never been this close to a guy friend before, and maybe I'm just imagining it, but sometimes it almost feels too close, like we almost act like boyfriends. Does it feel like that to you too?" That way, you're just inquiring about what's going on for both of you instead of it being a one-way "love" confession that would be impossible to take back if he reacts badly.
I went through a very similar experience when I was 19. He was 18. We did EVERYTHING together, even peeing, sleeping in the same bed (and sometimes cuddling) and showering. I was completely in love with him and was convinced that there had to be something going on for him, too. I never told him and instead kept it to myself. Then came the day when he had sex for the first time with a girl and started dating her. I was crushed. It was so painful. But, as time went on and our friendship continued, I eventually came out to him as gay and I realized that he had no interest in guys at all. For him, it was all just friendship, even though we were ridiculously close. I'm glad now I didn't tell him I thought I was in love with him when it was at its peak, because he was not in love with me. Instead, I chose the route of continuing to be close, but having to hide my feelings. That sucked. But for me it was better that than losing him altogether.
I know how hard this is for you and how much he means to you. So hard.
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The true definition of Bromance, though fictional the characters, loved each other ( platonically ) . Often It is hard to distinguish emotional love , from sexual love
Im speechless... thanks everybody for “wasting” your time on a topic like this..
Thanks for opening my eyes.. i was blined by him, because no one in my life has acted like he did, cared and loved me.. I’ve never felt loved by someone.
I agree with you guys. Maybe i should keep this inside of me. Some things should never be said out loud.. maybe its time to give up from this. Maybe this is all fake hope. I agree with @buzzrider7
Thanks for opening my eyes.. i was blined by him, because no one in my life has acted like he did, cared and loved me.. I’ve never felt loved by someone.
I agree with you guys. Maybe i should keep this inside of me. Some things should never be said out loud.. maybe its time to give up from this. Maybe this is all fake hope. I agree with @buzzrider7
The camping trip will happen this weekend, and like you’ve said, I will give a hint, but i will not fully confess my feelings.. maybe I will ask him to tell me what does he feels for me in the lake, but I’m scared if something bad happens i would lose my friendship with him. We have our life planned together. In November we will move together closer to the city centre. Me and him.. i dont want to destroy that. Somethings are better when they are not touched.
Also... about the braclet, maybe you are right, it doesn’t mean anything.. its only a braclet.. he had two times to share his feelings with me, but he didn’t. So I will leave the third time on him, if it ever happens.
Because we are together most of the time, our friends started to “ship” us. Cus they see how much he cares for me, because non of our “straight” friends would do that.. if you know what i mean..
I don’t know what to do.. its so mixed in my head. Before writing this, i was confident that i wont tell him my feelings, (and after reading your thoughts), and while writing this, a hope came back in me... i hate this feeling.......
We work out together ( i dont know if I mentioned that ) and we help each other out... I’ve caught him few times when he was checking me out.. but, he follows girls with asses, boobs on instagram. He checks out other girls.. and for me, thats a dead giveaway that he doesn’t have feelings for me.. I don’t know..
A thought came in me... maybe i should tell him my feelings to get it out of my chest. Its harder this way thinking about him... maybe its better for me to know that he doesn’t love me so i cant stop hopping for him...
Wish me luck on this trip.... i will leave it on our faith...
Also... about the braclet, maybe you are right, it doesn’t mean anything.. its only a braclet.. he had two times to share his feelings with me, but he didn’t. So I will leave the third time on him, if it ever happens.
Because we are together most of the time, our friends started to “ship” us. Cus they see how much he cares for me, because non of our “straight” friends would do that.. if you know what i mean..
I don’t know what to do.. its so mixed in my head. Before writing this, i was confident that i wont tell him my feelings, (and after reading your thoughts), and while writing this, a hope came back in me... i hate this feeling.......
We work out together ( i dont know if I mentioned that ) and we help each other out... I’ve caught him few times when he was checking me out.. but, he follows girls with asses, boobs on instagram. He checks out other girls.. and for me, thats a dead giveaway that he doesn’t have feelings for me.. I don’t know..
A thought came in me... maybe i should tell him my feelings to get it out of my chest. Its harder this way thinking about him... maybe its better for me to know that he doesn’t love me so i cant stop hopping for him...
Wish me luck on this trip.... i will leave it on our faith...
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What about, as a first step, telling him you're bisexual? And asking him if he ever felt that way towards other guys?
If he says no, never, you have your answer to how he feels about you without having to put everything on the line.
If he says yes, or sometimes, you give him a big smile and ask "Do you ever feel that way about me?"
If he then says yes again, you lean in and kiss him. If he says no, at least you know you have a good buddy who also has feelings about guys.
It seems to me, there's an intermediate step to confessing your feelings about him, which is first telling him you have feelings about guys, as I've described above. It seems to me that would be a no-lose situation.
Good luck no matter what you decide!
If he says no, never, you have your answer to how he feels about you without having to put everything on the line.
If he says yes, or sometimes, you give him a big smile and ask "Do you ever feel that way about me?"
If he then says yes again, you lean in and kiss him. If he says no, at least you know you have a good buddy who also has feelings about guys.
It seems to me, there's an intermediate step to confessing your feelings about him, which is first telling him you have feelings about guys, as I've described above. It seems to me that would be a no-lose situation.
Good luck no matter what you decide!
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