My Bromance
- Thread starter StolAdele101
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I can totally relate to you StolAdele101 because I had the same experience too. We've never talked about our feelings but our friends used to think that we were in a secret relationship. We had that much feelings for each other but nothing happened because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. Long story short, he got a girlfriend whom I can't stand so we kinda stop our friendship just because of her. It was more of a distance I kept between us. He's always been caring and kind to me but I decided to distance myself from him because it's really hurting to hide my feelings. But now, from the last 2 months, we've reconnected and he can't stop staying in touch with me through whatsapp messages. We are now in different cities but still he is always messaging me whenever he is using his mobile, telling me all the details about his daily schedule, asking me about mine, he might be able to sleepover with me in few days. I haven't seen him for more than a year and I miss him so much!!
Update....
Its over.......I finally got the courege to tell them my feelings, and when i did, he told me that he would never feel the same way about me, and the best way to move on is to forget about him.... I just cant...... help me please.... i feel like a fool...... I should enjoy it.... now Ive lost him, as a friend, best friend, and brother.help me please, i feel so depressed and down.....uhhhhhjhhhhhhh
Its over.......I finally got the courege to tell them my feelings, and when i did, he told me that he would never feel the same way about me, and the best way to move on is to forget about him.... I just cant...... help me please.... i feel like a fool...... I should enjoy it.... now Ive lost him, as a friend, best friend, and brother.help me please, i feel so depressed and down.....uhhhhhjhhhhhhh
Sorry to hear that
. All may not be lost but you're going to need real self-control and back off, give him space. It won’t ever be the same but you could salvage a friendship possibly.Been there. It sucks. It takes years to get over, but eventually you will. The hurt will never go away though. I speak from experience here.
Knowing myself, for me, going over this will take minimum 5 years, and maybe even more.. all the plans we have dreamed of about our new place, new life, our fantasy it all fell into water... it would never be the same..
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I have a feeling this isn't over. He just needs some time to think about it. Don't be pushy to reunite with him. Just let it simmer for a bit.
I can't believe you told him. I thought you learned your lesson. He clearly isn't ready to be openly fudge-packing gay with you.
I really hope it works out for you two in some way. I think he is fine being passively gay with you, but not actively. Like, he won't be the one to initiate it or even reciprocate it most of the time.
That's what I was thinking while reading your story.
I can't believe you told him. I thought you learned your lesson. He clearly isn't ready to be openly fudge-packing gay with you.
I really hope it works out for you two in some way. I think he is fine being passively gay with you, but not actively. Like, he won't be the one to initiate it or even reciprocate it most of the time.
That's what I was thinking while reading your story.
I'm sorry to tell you this... you've been coming here asking for opinions but you've never listened to them! That's your fault. Even I had became best friends with many of my male crush.... I never told them aboyt my feelibgs because I knew that the best way to get closer to them all the time is to become best friends. I even sleepover with many of my guys.
Yes, maybe I’ve should listened... but suddenly I didn’t. I was sure that I wouldn’t tell him. So sure. But we’ve got drunk. I was enough drunk to confess, and he was drunk but still sober, enough to listen to me.
And we strated chating.. about us.. and our friendship. I was on trip for 2 weeks. And the last week from that trip, I started to miss him a lot, his voice, his jokes, his existence... and I’ve told him that, and he answered that he missed mee to, but only on few moments. He said that i was his only friend and for some moments he wished that i was with him. :/ yep..
and I’ve said my, i love you. I’ve told him everything, when i got my first feeling for him. He was smiling all the time... and he looked worried... when i told him that, we were chating a lot, i dont even remember now cus i was drunk.... i remember when he told me, “why did you came out?” I didn’t know what to say... he was there the whole time, he never wanted to leave. He wanted to listen the whole time. At one point he wanted to tell something about his feelings but I’ve stopped him... I remember that he said, its better to have your feelings for yourself.
And boom, he said that he doesn’t know if he would feel the same way.. and that’s it. I’ve told him that i have to go, and thats the end. We’ve chatted today for work, and now i feel empty, embarrassed, lonely..
THere is a lot of this story, but I don’t have the power to write everything... it will be a long period..
And we strated chating.. about us.. and our friendship. I was on trip for 2 weeks. And the last week from that trip, I started to miss him a lot, his voice, his jokes, his existence... and I’ve told him that, and he answered that he missed mee to, but only on few moments. He said that i was his only friend and for some moments he wished that i was with him. :/ yep..
and I’ve said my, i love you. I’ve told him everything, when i got my first feeling for him. He was smiling all the time... and he looked worried... when i told him that, we were chating a lot, i dont even remember now cus i was drunk.... i remember when he told me, “why did you came out?” I didn’t know what to say... he was there the whole time, he never wanted to leave. He wanted to listen the whole time. At one point he wanted to tell something about his feelings but I’ve stopped him... I remember that he said, its better to have your feelings for yourself.
And boom, he said that he doesn’t know if he would feel the same way.. and that’s it. I’ve told him that i have to go, and thats the end. We’ve chatted today for work, and now i feel empty, embarrassed, lonely..
THere is a lot of this story, but I don’t have the power to write everything... it will be a long period..
It's been 24 years since my bromance betrayed me and destroyed our friendship, and it still hurts like fuck when I think about it. It's been 16 years since our fight, and five years since our reunion that ended up going nowhere. It has now been 2 years since I cut off all contact with him. He still checks up on me weekly on my profile page on LinkedIn (anonymously of course). I think he has NPD, so me cutting off contact with him has thrown him into a tailspin (that was when the weekly anonymous views started). Narcissists like to discard, but can't handle being discarded. I don't know what is endgame is TBH, but I won't reach out to him again. I wish I never met him. He's hurt me like no one else ever has before.
there's a possibility he's scared of hurting you by not being able to provide you with what you need.
It's a tough moment for both of you but being honest between each other was maybe the best way to preserve your friendship.
Get over him as a boyfriend, that's (probably) not happening. Keep faith in your friendship though.
Is it really that dramatic or is it just his rejection that’s hurt you and is now on the forefront. He listened, he stayed, he commented. Doesn’t seem like he wants to cut of the friendship. Just signaling that the friendship is never going to develop into something else. Yes, that hurts. But believe me, it doesn’t hurt as much as when I would have developed into something more romantic and THEN he changes his mind about his feelings for you. You loose your lover and your best friend at the same time. Now you’ve lost a potential lover, but kept the best friend.
I guess I may have the most unpopular opinion for you (based on reading everyone elses’ opinions) but I think it’s healthy for you to hear this and I wish someone had told me this when I was young and infatuated with a straight guy:
You should be glad that it happened (experience and all that jazz) and find the courage to move on! Getting an answer from him (even though it wasn’t the one you wanted) was the best thing for your emotional/mental health. You don’t need to continue being his friend — even if he still wants to be friends with you — so don’t feel pressured to continue talking to him. As a matter of fact, in order to heal properly, you should stop communicating with him completely and not meet for anything. As long as this guy is near you, you will not be interested in developing a healthy relationship with a REAL potential partner because you’re going to be pining over this guy. Then what happens when he finally gets himself a girlfriend that he’s head over heels in love with and discards you? You would have wasted years following him around like a puppy dog when he never thought of you two as anything more than friends. It hurts more when you build up this fantasy in your head for years, than just putting everything out in the open and being shot down quickly.
Take your time to heal, it’s not going to be easy or fast — major heartbreaks take a while to heal — but it shouldn’t take forever either. In time you will find yourself a real partner that will teach you to love in a healthy and open way. Trust that it only gets better from here!! And imho, you haven’t experienced the full depth of love until you find someone who is romantically, passionately, and physically into you as much as you are into him.
You should be glad that it happened (experience and all that jazz) and find the courage to move on! Getting an answer from him (even though it wasn’t the one you wanted) was the best thing for your emotional/mental health. You don’t need to continue being his friend — even if he still wants to be friends with you — so don’t feel pressured to continue talking to him. As a matter of fact, in order to heal properly, you should stop communicating with him completely and not meet for anything. As long as this guy is near you, you will not be interested in developing a healthy relationship with a REAL potential partner because you’re going to be pining over this guy. Then what happens when he finally gets himself a girlfriend that he’s head over heels in love with and discards you? You would have wasted years following him around like a puppy dog when he never thought of you two as anything more than friends. It hurts more when you build up this fantasy in your head for years, than just putting everything out in the open and being shot down quickly.
Take your time to heal, it’s not going to be easy or fast — major heartbreaks take a while to heal — but it shouldn’t take forever either. In time you will find yourself a real partner that will teach you to love in a healthy and open way. Trust that it only gets better from here!! And imho, you haven’t experienced the full depth of love until you find someone who is romantically, passionately, and physically into you as much as you are into him.
Actually, that makes me see this differently. You're being a drama queen and totally self-indulgent. This is all about you spilling your feelings (again) and disregarding his. Sounds like you didn’t give him a chance to get a word in and when he didn’t profess undying love, you flounce off in a strop. I feel sorry for him, not you. Grow up.
Yes, I understand you, and your conclusion. Maybe it sounded like i was overreacting but trust me, im not into that. I wrote the situation from my point of view. There is more into this story of course.
Few hours ago, we chatted about what I’ve told him, and he said that everything will be the same no matter what. He will always be here for me, as a friend. And then we’ve stopped chating.
Of course i feel sory for him. Just why him? I could never see or feel what he is feeling and thinking right now.
for now this is the situation. See ya, to the next update
) if you have any questions, ask.let it go.
if someone is into you they will let you know at some point soon. but if its been months or years. it's probably not going to happen.
i had an almost identical situation to yours when i was in university. an intimate bromace with a guy whose girlfriend was on a six month internship.
we worked together and he'd invite me out almost every night. if we were out with friends at a bar we would stroke each others thights under the table. if i remotely showed interest in another guy or girl he'd get all sulky and weird. on my birthday he invited me out to drink vodka in the park (this was mid december mind you) we were physically intimate in all the ways except sexually.
looking back i realize that he was probably a narcissist on some level. he loved to talk about himself. he loved the attention i provided. he loved controlling the intense intimacy.
let's face it. all guys love attention. regardless of where they are on the spectrum. if they get attention from a guy they are likely to use it up to the point of where they are comfortable. and with your guy it seems like that's right up until physical intimacy.
you provide him with validation. and that's cool. but if you're looking for more it's best that you move on. it's not likey he is going to suddenly realize he is in love with you.
there are a lot of "more straight" guys that flirt with "less straight guys" and don't want it to go beyond certain emotional or physical limits. and you can't trick them or convince them otherwise. this is the conundrum of fluid sexuality.
so your job is to move on. if you're important in some way to him he will make it known. otherwise do what i did and listen to some sad music. cry and rally.
also. what spot did he take you at in toronto on his birtday where you could see the "city skyscrapers and mountains".
i don't know of any mountains within one hours walking distance in toronto
if someone is into you they will let you know at some point soon. but if its been months or years. it's probably not going to happen.
i had an almost identical situation to yours when i was in university. an intimate bromace with a guy whose girlfriend was on a six month internship.
we worked together and he'd invite me out almost every night. if we were out with friends at a bar we would stroke each others thights under the table. if i remotely showed interest in another guy or girl he'd get all sulky and weird. on my birthday he invited me out to drink vodka in the park (this was mid december mind you) we were physically intimate in all the ways except sexually.
looking back i realize that he was probably a narcissist on some level. he loved to talk about himself. he loved the attention i provided. he loved controlling the intense intimacy.
let's face it. all guys love attention. regardless of where they are on the spectrum. if they get attention from a guy they are likely to use it up to the point of where they are comfortable. and with your guy it seems like that's right up until physical intimacy.
you provide him with validation. and that's cool. but if you're looking for more it's best that you move on. it's not likey he is going to suddenly realize he is in love with you.
there are a lot of "more straight" guys that flirt with "less straight guys" and don't want it to go beyond certain emotional or physical limits. and you can't trick them or convince them otherwise. this is the conundrum of fluid sexuality.
so your job is to move on. if you're important in some way to him he will make it known. otherwise do what i did and listen to some sad music. cry and rally.
also. what spot did he take you at in toronto on his birtday where you could see the "city skyscrapers and mountains".
i don't know of any mountains within one hours walking distance in toronto
I agree with most people -
You have to be true to yourself
If someone can’t accept you for who you are, then what, you going to be what they want you to be?
You do seem a little over dramatic, because saying he never wants to see you again, and sitting and listening to you are two different things.
One way - he could of punched you in the face and walked away.
The other - he could of kissed you.
You landed in between.
He might actually be telling the truth - he ain’t gay, and he won’t like you in that way, doesn’t mean the friendship is dead because you had the balls to speak your truth. < your truth - not necessarily his.
Pull your socks up and suck it up.
Life’s tough.
Lucky for you forums like this exist where you can outlay your woes to the world - cause god I had nothing when I was a teenager that would of given me such an outlet.
You have to be true to yourself
If someone can’t accept you for who you are, then what, you going to be what they want you to be?
You do seem a little over dramatic, because saying he never wants to see you again, and sitting and listening to you are two different things.
One way - he could of punched you in the face and walked away.
The other - he could of kissed you.
You landed in between.
He might actually be telling the truth - he ain’t gay, and he won’t like you in that way, doesn’t mean the friendship is dead because you had the balls to speak your truth. < your truth - not necessarily his.
Pull your socks up and suck it up.
Life’s tough.
Lucky for you forums like this exist where you can outlay your woes to the world - cause god I had nothing when I was a teenager that would of given me such an outlet.
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It was brave of you to put your feelings out there. It didn't work out for you, but at least you know now that you need to forget about being romantic with your bro. Just move on.
Did he ever give you any signs of being gay? I don't know why you have assumed that he would be comfortable in an openly gay relationship if he isn't gay.
Did he ever give you any signs of being gay? I don't know why you have assumed that he would be comfortable in an openly gay relationship if he isn't gay.
Update:
We went out on a party and we both got very drunk... so we went to my place. We started to wrestle drunk, and we laughed a lot... at one point i felt a boner. As we fight, i got on top of him, and he pushed me, and he said that he could take this anymore, and he kissed me.. the night was long..)
We went out on a party and we both got very drunk... so we went to my place. We started to wrestle drunk, and we laughed a lot... at one point i felt a boner. As we fight, i got on top of him, and he pushed me, and he said that he could take this anymore, and he kissed me.. the night was long..
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