In response to debonair87:
First of all, I touched on various points that you brought up in my last post, and I provided additional background/clarifying information (for you or for any other readers). Also, I'm not seeing what exactly is so hypocritical about what I stated. Maybe you're referring to the part where I said that I said that I'd made a decision to not talk much with him about girls or past relationships... If so, that was my fault for stating so in a confusing order, because I'd gone on to state directly thereafter that I'd talked with him about girls. First was the discussion of sex, then a week or so after my conscious decision to not try to bring up the topic of girls or past relationships too much, and then spending time together, spending time together, and then my daring to ask him about his last girlfriend AFTER he had mentioned something about having a girlfriend. I can understand why my earlier explanation seemed contradictory, but this is the order of events, and I used heavy discretion in choosing when to ask about my friend's ex-girlfriend.
Touching back on an earlier point I made... In actuality, the discussion of sex had come up at a group get-together at my place fairly early on in our friendship. And like I said, it was in a casual group setting. All of the members of that conversation are comfortable with each other as friends or at least friendly acquaintances, and all were male. However, there is no denying that among peers there sometimes exists peer pressure and even judgment. debonair87, you stated that "friends talk about sex but they don't flat out ask if they had relations with the opposite sex." Your friends, maybe. But this has happened in more than one circle of my friends, and I've never felt offended by it. In fact, the friends who I've talked with about having sex with girls have often come to be closer friends of mine afterward. I suppose that it is just your opinion, but different strokes for different folks.
I'd like to add this... Even though I may not know exactly (with proof) the sexual orientation of my friend in question, it doesn't mean that we're not close as friends. There is no rule that states that close friends must know each others' sexual orientation in order to be close friends. I just said in the last paragraph that I've grown close with other friends after having talked about sex with girls, yes, but it isn't just knowing my friends' sexual orientations that makes me close with them. In fact, I've only ever come out to one person as bisexual, and he and I have never been that close (he came out to me as gay because, or so he claimed, he sensed that I knew of his sexual orientation). But I have other friends who I am very close to, yet they don't know my sexual orientation. Even my best friends don't know. Does that make us less of friends? Perhaps we would be closer if they knew for sure, but there are so many other factors that have brought us closer...
The friend of mine whom I have romantic feelings for is often doubted about his sexuality by others (i.e. he is often regarded as a closeted gay or bisexual), for reasons that are not arbitrary. I'm sure you're familiar with "gaydar". Some people have it, and some people don't, and some people slip under the radar more easily than others. In the case of my friend, his mannerisms and speech style are notably consistent with those of non-straight-identifying males. While I recognize this, I don't want to just ASSUME COMPLETELY that he is non-heterosexual, nor do I want to "out" him if he turns out to be so. But when the way he answers to the group question of "Have you ever had sex with a girl?" seems peculiar, it will be noted (and it was noted by others, as I later found out).
Anyway, debonair87, I think everyone tells lies here or there, and when it comes to sexual orientation, those who are pressured by society to be straight will sometimes lie about their orientation when they would rather avoid the persecutions and prejudices that come with being anything but heterosexual. So yes, I am considering that my friend may be lying about his sexual orientation and past experiences in order to avert suspicions laid on him by others (not only myself) that he may not be heterosexual. Am I incriminating him for it? Not at all! I neither expect nor hope that my friend will just end up coming out as non-heterosexual. Read into the situation a little bit more. I myself am a fucking closeted bisexual.
