My close friend and I are not out... to each other?

gsisaac

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To Stephenmass, badger2395 and rayray:
Thank you all for your clarifications and for sharing your experience with me. As we all know, it is not so common to hear about these types of experiences for various reasons, including the fact that many people who are non-straight don't admit to it, and that non-straight people seem to be a minority anyway. Or whatever reasons.

rayray, I think I understand your earlier point a little better now. I was thinking probably in terms of strict terminology, but actually I agree with you now that I have a better understanding of what you meant.

To all:
Sorry for not giving many updates lately. This last week has been finals week at my university, so not only have I not had much time for LPSG will my studying, but I haven't even seen my friend much as we've both been busy. Winter Break is beginning. My friend and I will be in different cities throughout most of the break, though before we both leave town, we might be getting together for some alone time. I don't really want to spill the beans and then part ways with him for two or three weeks for vacation, but we kind of have plans to spend some time alone together while my roommate is gone after New Years (NO! I am NOT implying something sexual here, so calm down!). Anyway, I just mean to say that I'm going to leave it up to the mood at that time...

And again, you don't know how thankful I am to be getting the support from all who have been tracking this discussion. I'm not really at a point where I can get advice or support from people in my life about this topic, so it's been so helpful for me emotionally. I mean it sincerely. Thank you for expressing your interest and continuing to provide support.

Any major updates soon WILL be posted here. Please stay tuned...
 

Stephenmass

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Well guy, you don't have much time left. Make your move or you will be left wondering. I hope you come back for that update!
 

gsisaac

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Well guy, you don't have much time left. Make your move or you will be left wondering. I hope you come back for that update!

Stephenmass, thank you for your curiosity~ (And sorry to everyone for not updating this in such a long time!)
We've been on Winter Break at my university, and my friend and I haven't seen each other in a couple weeks as I took the time to return to my hometown, and he to travel around North America.

He's coming back to the city that my university is in today, so expect some kind of update in the following days... :)
 

gymfresh

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No straight man shares a bed with another man (dont all jump on me for this one because its not how im making it out to sound... just a generalized point... lol).

Not jumping on you, XSILVER, but 6 months ago I would have agreed with you. Then I was visiting my nephew at college and checking out the off-campus house he's moved into. He shares it with 3 other guys. His room was being renovated, so I asked him where he sleeps. He pointed to the big bedroom, specifically to the bed of the guy whose parents own the house. WTH?

I asked how long he's been sleeping in the other dude's bed, and he said "about a month". At the same time? Yup. How does that work? Well, sometimes they arrive at the same time and just strip off to shorts and climb into bed, side by side. Sometimes one arrives much after the other, and either lies next to him or reverses head-feet. He said they even sometimes wake up partially sprawled on each other. Neither seems the least bit fazed by or bothered this. They're just housemates and college friends, a year apart, and both have girlfriends. The housemates have gay friends, even gay couple friends, who drop by regularly.

I didn't ask whether my nephew and his bedmate stay up in bed and talk (doubt it) or whether they studiously try to avoid touching each other (clearly they don't). My nephew sensed my total surprise and said, "Hey, it's normal, at least among my friends. Everyone I know falls asleep in their friends' beds, especially if we come home buzzed. Nowadays we don't worry so much about labels or structure or whatever. If you're interested in someone, you do something and if you're not, you don't. No hassle. I needed a place to sleep and my buddy offered his bed. Works out great." A few days later his room was ready and he was back in his own bed. What makes their group house work so well is that no one overthinks anything. You're straight? Cool. You're gay? Cool. You're dating so-and-so? Cool. Likewise, if one housemate was interested in the other it doesn't sound like it would ruin the dynamic of the house, but I could be wrong. Mostly they're just not fussed about anything, as long as chores get done and meals get made. I wish college had been that straightforward for me.
 

XSILVER

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GYMFRESH: Thats great! now if the rest of the world could work and think like that .... we'd be on to something. What I was getting at was in a general sense of things. Like no stright man would bunk up with his buddy because someone might think he was gay so he'd take the couch. but that is just generalizing. Thats awesome for your nefew that he has that confidence! Makes me happy!
 

gsisaac

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I told him my feelings for him last night.
He said that he was confused (probably because I am bi, though straight to the public eye), and he thinks it's best that we just stay friends.
He didn't comment on his sexuality, and I wasn't going to push the question.

As one would expect, I'm disappointed right now. But I somehow believe that we can be friends almost as usual, and maybe it would be best for us to just be friends, after all. I'm not mad at him at all.
 

buzzrider7

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I know the disappointment you're feeling right now is not pleasant, but you've done the right thing in my mind. Ten years from now, when you're thinking back on this, you'll be happy you told him so that you knew where you stood one way or the other. I think too many of us now look back on situations like yours, regretting that we didn't have the balls to speak the truth, and now we've been left wondering for years what might have happened.
I had a huge crush on a co-worker at my part-time job my senior year in HS and first two years of college. We were good friends and would hang out together outside of working. I was absolutley in love with him and thought about him day and night. SOOOO many times, usually when we were standing in the parking lot after having finished work, I came so very close to just telling him how I felt. But, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'd never told anybody that I had an attraction to men, and I had no idea how he might react. I wimped out big time.
I spent years afterwards always wondering what would have happened had I just had the nerve to tell him how I felt.
Fortunatley, thanks to the internet, I found him 15 years later and we started an email correspondence. By the third email I told him absolutley everthing (a lot easier now that the stakes were gone). He said he never knew in the least, that he did identify as gay at the time, but that he unfortunatley had a massive crush on one of our other co-workers. :(
In any case, I think you've done well and you will be glad you did as you move forward from here. Congratulations!