My Crazy Aunt

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deleted1547822

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My aunt is about 8 years older than me (mom is the oldest and aunt is the "whoops"). She got remarried a couple of years ago (first husband was a serial cheater), and once you get a couple of glasses of wine in her all you hear about is my new uncle's pecker. Seriously. She's been a social worker / counselor for 30 years, so maybe he's small and she's decided this is a way to boost his ego; or maybe she's sexually satisfied/liberated and wants to share her joy.

It gets worse. After the inappropriate comments get haphazardly sprinkled throughout dinner, the sex talk starts. The men leave when this begins. Yesterday at Christmas dinner, we realized we could overhear the conversation from the next room and we went outside to do man stuff.

To give you an idea of how inappropriate this gets, after declaring her own satisfaction she starts questioning the other women at the table. She asked my cousin about her boyfriend. "How is he down there?", prodding her until she got a "he's really big" in response. This is when we went outside, and thank god my cousin's boyfriend wasn't at this gathering. But wait, that's not even all. My wife told me she then asked about me, size, what do I like to do, etc... My wife looks at her and "THAT's YOUR NEPHEW AND HIS MOTHER IS SITTING RIGHT HERE!!!".

Meanwhile, we men-folk are outside and the inevitable comments about cousin's boyfriend start. "He must be hung like a gas-pump, heh heh heh..." and all that.

So I thought you all might find my Christmas dinner humorous (my wife said it's like watching a bad "Bridesmaids" sequel), and I guess I have two questions.

1. WTF??? I even know how or what to ask about my aunt's behavior. Feel free to run with that as you see fit. I'll try to clarify if needed.
2. What does "really big" mean. The guys of course think of length, but as I've learned on the interwebz girth is important too. Are there different, somewhat common terms? Big/Huge/Long/whatever? Wife tried to answer on the way home, but was still laughing too hard at the scenario. Although it's technically a penis size question, it's not really meant to be. It's the psychology/sociology angle I think is interesting, like the difference between English metaphors and German ones (which is a whole other topic I could talk about).
 
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deleted1547822

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1. Couldn't comment

2. Yes, girth is way more important than length in respect to "really big".

1. I know, right? This is the second holiday season this kind of shit has gone on.

2. That's what my wife said. " 'Big' means 'thick' ". It's like American vs British english. "Chips" brings a different image to mind, depending on your nationality.
 
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deleted1547822

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File this under questions we never ask each other.

My wife doesn’t understand it either. She (my aunt) is 58. Is this some weird midlife crisis thing?
 
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deleted1547822

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If I had a family member like this is either tell my family either they don't give the troublesome family alcohol or you will just see them after they had gone

Her wine at her house, but she’ll start before there’s any alcohol. It just gets explicit apparently by the 2nd glass.

The whole family is sitting around during the gift exchange. I didn’t catch everything that led up to it, but I heard “and it ain’t little, let me tell you...”. I just rolled my eyes and told my wife “here we go again...”

My grandmother died 2 years ago, and my grandfather last year. They were very conservative, very baptist. She would never (and had never) done this kind of thing in front of them. Maybe that has something to do with it. I can’t for the life of me figure it out.
 
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deleted1547822

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Anyone else think maybe Auntie Inappropriate is a cover story to ask "Which Matters More, Length or Girth?"

Big is a combo of length and girth.

Length without girth = needle dick.

Girth without length = chode.

I know you guys have skepticism from all the weirdos wanting SPH or for you to ooh and ah over their massive cocks. Some of you will go all detective mode and search my post history for evidence of my creepiness. It wasn't really a size question as much as it was a linguistics question, and really more of an aside. I already know which matters more, and it's not length or girth. It's the individual woman and her preference.

I'll go a little further. I'm retired after 32 years in the Army. I'm working on a graduate degree. My mentor wants me to focus on PTSD... because hey, having been deployed several times and knowing many, many people suffering; that should be something I'm interest in. It's absolutely the last thing I want to know more about.

I'm really interested in the overmedication of children, problems with the DSM IV and V, and "professionals" with no psychological training prescribing SSRIs in particular. That got rejected because of the politics of it. I'm working on a paper for body dysmorphic disorder. That covers all kinds of problems from weight to aging. For men, a subset is small penis anxiety; which is how I ended up on forums like this in the first place. Everyone has seen the stats that over half of the men out there have some anxiety about size. There aren't any studies, but it's wreaking havoc on young / adolescent men. Reddit is littered with "I'm (an age inappropriate for this forum), and my penis is (a perfectly normal or respectable size). Am I small?" The more I research the issue, the more I'm horrified at what society is doing other than capitalizing on it with magic pills and potions, or medieval penis torture devices.

I'll get off my soap box now, and sorry for that. My aunt was the real question. Other than my wife, everybody I could discuss this with knows who I'm talking about. You don't, so I was looking for other women's opinions. It's bizarre behavior that began in the last 2 years.

It dawned on my wife and I last night that her former mother-in-law attends these gatherings, becaus MIL's husband died 10 years ago, it's where the grandchildren are at, and son is an asshole. We came to the conclusion that the random "new hubby is enormous" comments are intended to work their way back to the ex-husband, via the MIL.
 
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deleted1547822

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Thanks to those that gave civil responses.

The others need to unbunch yer panties, ferchrissakes. This is just the interwebz... flame on.
 
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deleted1547822

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Rude much

Not usually, and I think that’s pretty well demonstrated in my post history. I only tolerate so much rudeness though, before I return the favor. Some of the ladies here can’t seem to help themselves though. Hell, they were bitching about the compliment I paid to the wit demonstrated in “things we never ask each other” thread.

Honestly, “unbunch yer panties” isn’t even really rude. That’s kindergarten level. My time in the Army made me a professor emeritus in rudeness, and my feelings can’t get hurt.

—edit—

Pile-on countdown in 3, 2, 1... ;)
 

LaFemme

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Well, I’m not going to pile on. :)

I think the conversation you had with your wife about why your aunt made those comments are probably correct - she’s hoping word gets back to the ex. Sometimes people really make fools out of themselves looking for a little revenge.

Besides, what’s a family gathering without some weird relative? Or is it that just my family? :joy:
 
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MickeyLee

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Dude, I make a funny/give you a lil poke and you poop the bed with ya CV and way too many personal details.

If anyone is suffering from a terminal amount of cotton in their crack it's the OP.

Good thing men are known for being stoic and not at all prone to emotional outbursts. Nor inclined to cry about their feefees at the slightest bit of criticism. :rolleyes:
 
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deleted848353

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Not usually, and I think that’s pretty well demonstrated in my post history. I only tolerate so much rudeness though, before I return the favor. Some of the ladies here can’t seem to help themselves though. Hell, they were bitching about the compliment I paid to the wit demonstrated in “things we never ask each other” thread.

Honestly, “unbunch yer panties” isn’t even really rude. That’s kindergarten level. My time in the Army made me a professor emeritus in rudeness, and my feelings can’t get hurt.

—edit—

Pile-on countdown in 3, 2, 1... ;)
Maybe the comments were because u posted in a thread in ask a woman started by someone else
 
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deleted1547822

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MickeyLee said:
blah, blah
Scarletbegonia said:
blah, blah

You guys have some serious anger issues. I’m not even saying that to be mean. A militant feminist and a self proclaimed lesbian stomping around a big dick forum raging at masculinity and men... It’s akin to watching the guys with their perceived small penis despair post their tantrums and diatribes. I’m sure they’re here for each other’s conversation too - but they just whip themselves up into a mutually reinforcing frenzy.
 

MickeyLee

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Thick is a very admirable feature of the skin... not so much the skull.

Says a lot about a person who perceives anything less than an enema of rainbows and sparkles to be a raging attack.

You asked a length vs girth, and their respective importance to the idea of "large" question. You caged it with a story of your embittered drunken aunt trying to hurt her ex with tales of the current big dick in her life. Then protested the fuck too much when said skirting the rules effort was mentioned.:rolleyes:

Also. Raging feminist and self proclaimed lesbian? :joy:

You left off fat and old and how men don't wanna fuck us. I've never been so close to Bingo from one post in my entire LPSG tenure, you magnificent butthurt son of a bitch.