I wrote this some time ago to post on some lame ass site my at the time boyfriend was frequenting. I dug it up recently after a reunion of sorts with the person I wrote about. Its long, I know. And its only the first half of the good stuff. So, with some pushing from my current boyfriend, Ill put it up. If anyone is interested, I may post the second half. The lead-up is long, but I think important to get the whole story.... When I started college, I was about as far in the back of the closet as you could possibly imagine. I played three sports in high school, and had always been around the highly charged naked and pseudo-homoerotic locker-room antics of adolescent men trying to figure out their bodies. Point is, I was no stranger to being around naked guys when I joined a fraternity at the Midwest university where I had signed on to play football. At 66 225, I was approaching the best shape of my life, and under the constant, relentless pushing by the training staff I was putting on some decent muscle month by month. I went through a bevy of the smokin hot groupies the athletes and fraternity guys seemed to have at their disposal, but by my junior year had settled into a somewhat monogamous relationship with a nice sorority girl. Also by my Jr. year I had declined my scholarship and left the football team. By then I had a championship ring and even played in several games. But I knew I would never be a star, and frankly didnt have the desire to put in the work that it took to be great. Plus, I didnt want to bulk up the way the coaches wanted, and I hated the extra curricular body enhancing that was common for the guys that were counting on the NFL as a career choice. I had no intention of being a professional athlete, and it was selfish to take the place of someone that did. So I threw myself into the fraternity life that I had missed out on while spending every waking moment in the athletic center. It was an amazing time the best time of my life. Cliché I know, but it really was. Its hard to understand if youre not a greek, or member of a similar fraternal type organization. And, for a closeted homosexual, it was not only incredible eye candy, but also extremely frustrating living in a constant look but dont touch mode. As mentioned, I had seen naked guys in the locker-room, but never the wholesale comfort with nudity and sexual joking that was part of fraternity life. Now, let me be clear. Im not talking about the fantasy based bullshit portrayed online and in gay porn that exposes the gay group sex going on in frat houses across the country. NONE of that crap went on. No sexual hazing, no Hey Pledge, give me a blowjob or youre out!, blah, blah, blah - gay fantasy drawing on the homosexual desire to sexualize all male institutions. Our parties, daily fraternity life and yes, even mild hazing, were typical college high jinks. Not homosexual. No sex. Our initiation rituals were decidedly non sexual and incredibly serious and respectful. Clearly, my fraternity experience was important to me, as were the friendships I made. So reducing the idea of what a fraternity is to a drunken gay fuck fest by people who have no idea, is laughable and transparent. That being said .. My first and second gay experiences were with member of my fraternity. I know, I know. After all that rambling. But it was super, double secret. If we had been found out, we would have been lucky to get out of there with our lives. Seriously. But despite the risk, my first gay sex was one of the most extreme, intense romps that I often still think about to this day. I was one of a few guys that had to miss a weekend fraternity retreat that found the house of normally 52 men nearly empty. As it turns out, one of the second semester freshmen (who were required to live in the dorms) that also had a schedule conflict had decided to sleep in his big brothers room at the house that weekend (as he often did). And this kid was hot. I had taken a particular notice of him for a couple reasons. The first is that he was the little brother of one of my suitemates. So he was always hanging out in our room. He was shorter than me by almost a head probably 510. He was a Water Polo player in high school, and now played on our intramural team. He also liked a pickup game of hoops, and on several occasions I had gotten pretty physical with him on the court, and he didnt back down. I had enjoyed manhandling him a bit and getting a little handsy with has crazy hot ass. This kid gave new meaning to the term bubble butt. He was typical Midwest blond, swimmers build, a nice cut chest with two tiny pink nipples. I had caught a couple glimpses of him in the shower after a game or whatever at the house, and he was just textbook hot. That amazingly tight body; slightly larger than average dick with two pink, plump balls hanging just even with the head of his perfectly cut penis. In the early 90s college guys never shaved, and few even trimmed their pubes. Not that he needed to: he didnt have much body hair, and the little that he did have was very blond. Only his pubic area showed much color slightly reddish brown. Like me, he had very defined abs and clear Adonis lines leading down to his tingly parts. He had an easy smile and was truly a nice, unassuming guy. Well call him Ryan. He wasnt cocky or stuck up about any of this, and to be honest, in a fraternity full of athletes and jock types, there were lots of amazing hot bodies walking around. I actually didnt realize until I had graduated just how lucky I was to be surrounded by so many good looking, athletic young men. It was an A&F dream photo shoot on any given weekend with our back yard and basketball hoop lousy with shirtless and freeballing dudes in athletic shorts just hanging around - not afraid to flash some skin, or moon the group with a perfect, creamy white butt. What an amazing time. I had secretly fantasized about any number of the guys in my fraternity and fellow athletes. But I was incredibly naive and unknowledgeable about the gay world. This was in the early days of wide access to the internet, and I had never even seen a picture of two men being intimate. I knew nothing about the specifics of gay sex, and the only outlet for discussion or exposure to the gay world was Jerry Springer! On that particular Saturday, we had quite a pick up game on the basketball court. Hoops was a big distraction for us, and on this great spring day, four of us went at it with our shirts off for a couple hours. I paid special attention to my little friend and got in closer than I should have more than once. There was the usual playful pushing, touching, and maybe the accidental brush of the cock with my hand. After one such brush he actually kind of stopped and our eyes met for a half second. Now, not like our eyes met across the room sort of thing. It was definitely a fuck you! sort of look. I took it in stride, and checked him hard to the ground the next opportunity I had. He got the message, but there was some serious energy flowing between us. As an older, more senior member of the house, he was deferential especially having just recently been initiated. After the game I had almost finished showering when he and the other freshmen that played (them against me and another Jr.) came in to clean up. I stepped out of the shower and proceeded to dry off in full view of the shower area. I often did that to guys from whom I got a little ping on my gaydar. Id make sure to dry my hair for a longer than necessary with the towel covering my eyes so they could check out my body without me noticing. And If I do say so myself, I had an amazing body back then. I think its still no slouch, but at my peak, I was pleased with what god had given me. And it took hundreds of hours in the gym to get there too, so the payoff was nice. And Im a show-er. I have a pretty decent 6-7 inches showing after a hot shower. Again, Im a big guy. At 66 having an 8-9 nine inch erection is proportional to a 6ft guy having 6-7 inches. Maybe a little above average, but not much. So I dry off my close cropped brown hair and when I pull down the towel I get a glimpse of him checking me out (as I had hoped), and doing the quick eye aversion. I kept staring at him, and he looked back at me. Then in typical dude fashion he makes some smart ass comment, and then bends over to give me a full view of his ass. Ofcourse, it looked like he was screwing around, and gave me the offensive brown eye. I wondered if there was more to it, and nearly got hard on the spot. But I also knew he would NEVER make a move toward me. So I just figured he was screwing around. I walked back to my room with that image in my head. He was beautiful. That tight little ass with a thin line of golden brown hair trailing up the back of his legs to his ass crack shimmering with water and soap. As he bent over, I saw that tiny pick hole showing just a hint of hair. The water from the shower ran down his crack and slid down the back of his perfect pink balls a nice little tuft of hair hugging the back of his sack. I actually felt a little weak in the knees when I realized I wanted nothing more than to grab hold of that waist with one hand, his left shoulder with the other, and drive my cock balls deep inside him. If I only knew then what the next hours would bring. As is common in communal living, we had two bedrooms sharing a fairly large living area, and in our case a small bathroom with a toilet and sink. Communal showers down the hall. The bathroom was kind of diagonal from the other room, and when I stood at the toilet to take a leak, I could see through two doors (if both open), and look directly at the bottom half of the two beds (in bunk formation) in the second bedroom. As was typical, both of these beds had curtains that afforded some privacy. I say some, because they often didnt provide enough. I had been out with my girlfriend to dinner she had a study group and then out with a couple guys I knew from the football team. Typically weekend nights would find the fraternity house alive with a party music, drinking, laughing, good times. But when I came home that night after 2 am, it was quiet with nearly everyone at the retreat. I had a little buzz going, and was looking forward to having a nice wank with my roommate gone. I went into my room via our own door and glanced into the common area. All was dark, and I saw Ryans book bag strewn on the couch. After I got undressed and readied for bed, I went to the bathroom to take a leak. I was standing there in the dark, half asleep when something caught my eye. I looked through the door jamb of the other bedroom, and could see right to the bottom half of the lower bunk. It was dark, with just a dim light to see by. There for my viewing pleasure was a beautiful pink, erect penis being slowly stroked. My heart skipped a few beats. My first instinct was to flee - go back to my room. But after I had turned to go back I stopped. Slowly creeping back, I held my breath and looked in again. I could see now that Ryan was holding a magazine and working his very pink dick. I moved the door slightly and caught a better view. It was a Freshmen magazine. I didnt know what that meant at the time, but there was clearly a man on the front - a mostly naked man. I wont go into the range of thoughts I had for the next few minutes, but I basically decided, that if I was ever going to have the opportunity to release years of pent up sexual energy, this just might be it. Everything about the situation told me hed be receptive. But it could also mean the end of my fraternity life, and even leaving college if I made the wrong call, or it became public. My heart pounded, I moved the door open such that I could see his face. He alternately closed his eyes, and looked at the magazine. All the while slowly stroking his dick in the dim light of a neon beer sign on the wall. At one point he turned the page and flipped it back. I could easily see that he was looking at a picture of a naked dude. I made the decision, and went for it.