I have good friend that I've known for quite a few years now. Let's call her L. For as long as I've known her she's been together with a guy we can call E.
I've never had much to do with E, but from what little contact I've had with him, he seems to be an alright guy.
The thing is, the relationship between L and E has been dying for years. However, neither of them wants to jump ship. I'm guessing they're both too scared of being single. At the ripe old age of 25.
L and E have apparently broken up several times, and always gotten back together. Once, fairly recently, L even had a brief but passionate affair during one of these breakups. What I've thought, and what I've said to L, is that by always going back to him, L has shown E that he can do no wrong. No matter how much he pisses her off, and no matter how upset she gets, she'll always come back. He's bulletproof now. He doesn't need to care.
L and I talk and text often and she's talked to me about the problems in her relationship. She feels that she almost never gets any attention from her boyfriend, and he seems uninterested in sex. She has always had to initiate sex, or he'd, apparently, rather play videogames or watch sports.
Recently I discovered that, as far as L knows, she's never felt sexy. When she thought about it, the only time she could think of having felt sexy was when I had given her a compliment about her appearence one day. I hope she also felt sexy during her little affair as well. It boggles my mind that she has been in a relationship for years without having felt sexy. It makes me sad and frustrated that a friend of mine isn't getting the attention she needs.
Something that is probably related to this is that L has pretty bad self-esteem. School hasn't always been easy for her, and then the lack of acknowledgement and appreciation probably hasn't helped. For instance, she finds her own vagina, and vaginas in general, repulsive. I've never seen it, but I've tried to reassure her that I'm sure that it's fine. Maybe not the right thing to do, but I don't like hearing my friends speak ill of themselves in such a way, especially important (and unchangeable) things like that.
Also something that I've found a bit odd in a young woman in this day and age is that she is incredibly conservative when it comes to sex. Missionary seems to be the only thing she she is interested in. No oral either way, and she has no experience of foreplay. Again, my mind is boggled.
The issue then is, that I want to help her. I don't like standing on the sidelines and watching friends suffer. When another friend sank into a clinical depression and tried to commit suicide, I made sure to stick by him. That kind of stuff wasn't going to change our relationship. And I want to stick by L and help her too.
I want to show her that she has a huge capacity to be sexy, that she is a capable woman, and that sex can be more than just some reluctant humping. And yet, I feel that as her friend, but not her boyfriend, my hands are tied. The things I want to help with are things E should be handling. At times I've felt like some form of surrogate boyfriend, helping L through various crises. Each time I've just thought "Where was E?"
This is muddied further by the fact that I am a very single, and occasionally lonely, man. On occasion I lust for her. But I realize that I will do more good as an emotional support than just another penis. Plus, at the end of the day I don't want to be her boyfriend, and it would be thus unfair to her to start anything.
I'm not quite sure where I want to go with this, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm a fixer. I want to fix problems. Seeing a friend stuck in a dying relationship is a problem, and I want to fix it.
What do you lovely ladies think? What can I do to help? What should I do? Should I do anything?
I've never had much to do with E, but from what little contact I've had with him, he seems to be an alright guy.
The thing is, the relationship between L and E has been dying for years. However, neither of them wants to jump ship. I'm guessing they're both too scared of being single. At the ripe old age of 25.
L and E have apparently broken up several times, and always gotten back together. Once, fairly recently, L even had a brief but passionate affair during one of these breakups. What I've thought, and what I've said to L, is that by always going back to him, L has shown E that he can do no wrong. No matter how much he pisses her off, and no matter how upset she gets, she'll always come back. He's bulletproof now. He doesn't need to care.
L and I talk and text often and she's talked to me about the problems in her relationship. She feels that she almost never gets any attention from her boyfriend, and he seems uninterested in sex. She has always had to initiate sex, or he'd, apparently, rather play videogames or watch sports.
Recently I discovered that, as far as L knows, she's never felt sexy. When she thought about it, the only time she could think of having felt sexy was when I had given her a compliment about her appearence one day. I hope she also felt sexy during her little affair as well. It boggles my mind that she has been in a relationship for years without having felt sexy. It makes me sad and frustrated that a friend of mine isn't getting the attention she needs.
Something that is probably related to this is that L has pretty bad self-esteem. School hasn't always been easy for her, and then the lack of acknowledgement and appreciation probably hasn't helped. For instance, she finds her own vagina, and vaginas in general, repulsive. I've never seen it, but I've tried to reassure her that I'm sure that it's fine. Maybe not the right thing to do, but I don't like hearing my friends speak ill of themselves in such a way, especially important (and unchangeable) things like that.
Also something that I've found a bit odd in a young woman in this day and age is that she is incredibly conservative when it comes to sex. Missionary seems to be the only thing she she is interested in. No oral either way, and she has no experience of foreplay. Again, my mind is boggled.
The issue then is, that I want to help her. I don't like standing on the sidelines and watching friends suffer. When another friend sank into a clinical depression and tried to commit suicide, I made sure to stick by him. That kind of stuff wasn't going to change our relationship. And I want to stick by L and help her too.
I want to show her that she has a huge capacity to be sexy, that she is a capable woman, and that sex can be more than just some reluctant humping. And yet, I feel that as her friend, but not her boyfriend, my hands are tied. The things I want to help with are things E should be handling. At times I've felt like some form of surrogate boyfriend, helping L through various crises. Each time I've just thought "Where was E?"
This is muddied further by the fact that I am a very single, and occasionally lonely, man. On occasion I lust for her. But I realize that I will do more good as an emotional support than just another penis. Plus, at the end of the day I don't want to be her boyfriend, and it would be thus unfair to her to start anything.
I'm not quite sure where I want to go with this, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm a fixer. I want to fix problems. Seeing a friend stuck in a dying relationship is a problem, and I want to fix it.
What do you lovely ladies think? What can I do to help? What should I do? Should I do anything?