My gal and her ex boyfriends.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_JonFlight, Dec 22, 2009.

  1. B_JonFlight

    B_JonFlight New Member

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    We've been together for a year and are doing pretty good relationshipwise, except for the fact that my gal loves to keep in regular contact with her ex's.

    One of her ex's(together for 8 years) is her "best friend" she tells me and they have pretty much daily phone conversations(3 or 4 mins) and nightly online chatting sessions(20 mins or so) and monthly coffee meetings or mutual friend meetings

    Just last week,her last ex(different guy) phoned her up after almost a yearly hiatus and she was so happy to hear from him and has been chatting with him a few times over the past week.

    When I bring this up,she tells me I'm jealous and there is nothing to worry about as they are only friends and all the relationships ended without animosity and there's no reason why they still can't be friends.

    She tells me she loves me and that I don't have to worry.I'm naturally a jealous person but this is really getting to me.

    What do all of you think about this situation?
     
  2. WifeNeedsGurth

    WifeNeedsGurth New Member

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    Sounds to me like she might be a little over the top with her ex's, but only you know if she is trustworthy or not.

    Just because she keeps in contact doesn't mean the relationships are physical. I would question why she has the "emotional" need to keep in touch with these guys.

    Good Luck
     
  3. B_JonFlight

    B_JonFlight New Member

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    She is probably the most honest person I've ever met...brutally honest even.When she says there's nothing physical involved and no feelings of romantic love,I believe her but I am also questioning the emotional need to be so closely connected with her ex's......especially the 9 year guy.They are almost like siamese twins.
     
  4. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    just as a test, reconnect with one of your old gfs or maybe an actual girl "friend" if possible, even if you have to explain that you are testing your new gf. see if your current gf likes the shoe on the other foot, I bet not.
     
  5. B_JonFlight

    B_JonFlight New Member

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    Well,I might have to give that a try.I was thinking about doing it actually.I will update on here later.
     
  6. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    I also think of friends as people I get together with from time to time. When you two go out, is he ever included? If not, why not? If so, how does he behave? My ex husband remained friends with an ex. She tried that I know your husband better than you do routine, fortunately, she tried that before we were married. One thing I learned, you never have more power in relationship than when the other person is dragging you to the alter.
     
  7. B_JonFlight

    B_JonFlight New Member

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    No,we never hang out together.I've met the guy a few times, and exchanged pleasantries, but we don't socialize in the same circles.When my gal meets him, it's usually as part of their old college crowd that I'm not a part of.
     
  8. RedRocks

    RedRocks New Member

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    Jon -- A little tough love for you from someone who has been in your shoes, BELIEVE ME!

    Stop being the quivering, wondering, confused wimp, and be the confident, masculine, MAN you can be. Make her worry for a change. You are miserable this way, and she is too, having to reassure you all the time.

    It's this simple: When you worry, act jealous, etc., that's WEAKNESS, and no woman wants a weak man. So as soon as you remember that it's YOU with the balls, and as soon as your confidence starts oozing off you, she'll ONLY WANT YOU!!!!

    GOT IT? Now TAKE CHARGE!!!!


    TED
     
  9. WifeNeedsGurth

    WifeNeedsGurth New Member

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    Ted just got me wet.....just sayin :smile:
     
  10. B_JonFlight

    B_JonFlight New Member

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    Ted got me fired up!!!!!! Thanks mate!
     
  11. Drifterwood

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    Alternatively, you could accept that at this point, she probably does know him better. The issue for me would be whether she is investing the time in you (as a couple), trying to develop what you two can become. If the previous relationship/s are detrimental to the development of the current one, then I would have a problem.

    I wouldn't push this down her throat, but if she failed to see it, I would be wondering.
     
  12. B_spiker067

    B_spiker067 New Member

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    You're supposed to be her best friend.

    Then again if she talks a lot more than you're interested in doing maybe you should shut up.
     
  13. JG13

    JG13 New Member

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    Ted makes a good point, but there's being an alpha, there's being a man, and then there's being a chump - Drifter makes a good point, how is Jon supposed to be #1 if friends (exes or chicks) are cock-blocking. Overall, I'd have to agree with Ted - I'd let it go and make sure you're getting the one-on-one time or move on
     
  14. latinluva

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    Just remind her that whatever she can do, you can do, whatever she is doing you are doing. Doesn't sound like she wants another serious relationship, at least not now and not with you. Keep her but keep her at a distance or explain to her that the relationship is not a serious one. And find other women to keep you occupied and date on the side. There really isn't anything serious between you and this woman. Be a player, just don't get played.
     
  15. rbkwp

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    Just a few queries
    Makes me wonder how many X,s she has .. and the circumstances she/they departed company
    you have mentioned two (if thats all - sort of denotes ..Managable)
    Have you met them?, are you keen to meet them? (i reckon that may put your mind at ease .. a little)
    I also think as long as your up to meeting them..then she and they should have no objection..after all its just a matter of meeting your ladies .. friends' aye?
    Take it they have been friends' ie not marriage?
    She must be a very excepional woman who wants to maintain friendships (possibly at the expense of upsetting you her current)
    ....mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm That is a quandary
    As you say she is brutally honest..well thats a big Plus..and all Kudos to her for maintaining friendships matey..admirable too some degree .. she must be searching for the exceptional ideal man..
    Good Luck to her with that cause i dont think theres any/many of us like that
    Nothing i can suggest further ...hope i have not bored nor confused ya'
    Best of luck then matey
    enz
    Too be HONEST .. on the other side of the coin...i think her X,s are ASSHOLES..for doing that..especially the8 year guy...sshheeesh' perhaps they should at least 'front up to YOU..
     
  16. the_reverend

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    guess i'm going to depart from everyone else on here and say...get over it. lol. i'm friends with almost all of my exes and talk and hang out with plenty of them. when you're around someone long enough and get know them well enough, those feelings don't just vanish...but they can change into something else, and usually that's a deep and abiding friendship. i'm not trying to get back together or sleep with any of these girls. i just care about them a lot and enjoy their company. it doesn't mean there's anything more going on than what is right there on the surface. she's really given you no cause to be jealous. remember that jealousy is a sign of insecurity. so sack up, be confident that you're the one she's with and let her be friends with whomever she pleases. cuz she doesn't sound like the kind of girl who's going to be impressed with that kind of "I'm the man!" foot stomping line in the sand ultimatum bullshit.
     
  17. SnitchQitch

    SnitchQitch New Member

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    i hope to god you're not the rebound guy. even the most honest people lie to themselves sometimes.
     
  18. the_reverend

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    would they still be together for a year if he were just the rebound guy? i mean, in my experience (both being the rebound guy and having others occasionally serve as my rebound girl), rebound situations are usually pretty short lived. i think she's just legitimately one of those people who tends to stay friends with their exes more often than not. we ARE out there, folks! ;)
     
  19. dolfette

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    get over it. seriously.
    it's a good sign that she won't go loopy, psycho stalker on you after you split, that she won't bad mouth you or try to screw you over.
    why should she stop being friends with him? just because he's seen her naked and you don't like it??
    women talk to their bbf every day. you don't own her. quit whining and enjoy her!
     
  20. Wish-4-8

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    Well, on the bright side, you could be her friend when you break up! (dang, dolfette beat me to it!!!)

    In all fairness, it is possible for people to remain friends after an intimate relationship. Sometimes, people click on different levels. Then they try to date only to realize that they are better friends then lovers. But they may share a passion on other subjects. That is the reason we have friends.

    Unfortuanatly, one person cannot not be everything. But that is OK. As long as she is not doing it behind your back or hiding something.

    But at the same time, if anything makes you uncomfortable, you should speak up. For example, if them going on a trip together, alone, makes you uncomfortable, you should speak up. Not because its wrong, but because its how you feel. And you dont even have to have a good reason for it. Heck, women do this to men all the time. We try to us logic and reason to explain, only to conclude that you cannot rationalize a feeling.

    So if it makes you uncomfortable, them going out, alone, speak up. But balance that with letting her know that you trust her, and "allowing" her that keep those friendships.
     
    #20 Wish-4-8, Dec 22, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2009
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