my gay friend

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by nerd7857, Mar 7, 2009.

  1. nerd7857

    nerd7857 New Member

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    hi everyone. i have a complicated situation here so your input is highly appreciated because i don't know what to do. i'll try to keep it short.

    i have a friend who is closet gay/bi/questioning or something and he is attracted to me. i know that's a really bold statement to make, and i'm not going to go into details as to why i think (well, know) that, but it's true. i'm straight so the situation is uncomfortable.

    i made the mistake of telling another friend what i thought (not the crush part, but the part of him being gay) and it got back to him. he is the defensive homophobic type so he got really mad and went around telling people that i was out of my mind, that I was the gay one for accusing him of that, like a "takes one to know one" kind of situation.

    much later we had a talk about it once where we "cleared things up", he said that he's straight and i'm straight and that's that. honestly i know it was just a bunch of crap because he still occasionally makes implications that im closeted and that it'd be ok if i "came out" to him, which is an unsettling thought because it isn't the case.

    i got a taste of my own medicine, i know...but what should be done here?
     
  2. nerd7857

    nerd7857 New Member

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    by the way, if he came out to me i would not tell anyone...but i'd rather him not because i know how uncomfortable he is with it, plus it'd just be awkward.

    also if this helps at all, i've never been accused of possibly being gay or whatever in any other situation, nor am i metro or anything like that.
     
  3. thickdikhere2

    thickdikhere2 New Member

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    in high school this flaming dude that was the high school homo (a large school Peoria Central HS) was at a party that I was also at. After a few beers, my friend wanted to "go outside" and so we walked outside, and he was with my friend. That was fine. We went to my car to play some music, and then the two of them tried to force me out of the closet. I was str8 at the time, and my girlfriend was at the party. I was so upset and angry that I think that experience made me stay in the closet even longer.

    Drop it. If you get the feeling he is coming on to you, call him on it when its happening. Just ask him what is going on here? If he keeps badgering you about being a homo, i would say its time to have another discussion. If it continues, probably no point in continuing the friendship.

    Coming out to yourself is a deeply personal decision. I believe it should not involve others. Once the person has accepted their sexual orientation, then I think its appropriate for that person to choose who, what, when and why they want to involve others. Its strictly on a "need to know basis" in my book.
     
  4. nerd7857

    nerd7857 New Member

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    thick, i think you misunderstood.

    like i said, i'm totally straight. i know he isn't because i know some things about him that he doesn't know that i know.

    i only "officially" accused him of being gay to my friend based on what everyone noticed: his homophobic rants, his constant references to homosexuality in his conversations, among other hints.

    he doesn't know that i know of the OTHER THINGS. like i said, i'm not going into details.

    so basically, since i addressed his sexuality the same way he addresses others' sexuality, it looked like i made a hypocritical move. it LOOKS like we're both on the same playing field.

    my seemingly random accusations convinced him "hey, he must be gay too". which is why i'm in the situation i'm in right now. ugh.
     
  5. jomcdonald79

    jomcdonald79 New Member

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    Sorry to sound simple, but I reckon you should drop it. If you keep bringing it up it will only reinforce his suspicions about you and potentially make him add another padlock to his closet, as thickdikhere2 suggested. If it comes up again - with him making an insinuation, for example - maybe offer another apology and make an agreement not to discuss it again.
     
  6. nerd7857

    nerd7857 New Member

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    so i shouldn't say anything about it?

    i know i shouldn't get really defensive about it with him or whatever, but really, he needs to know that it's not what it seems. i don't want to get a reputation over something i'm not, and he's the type who would go around saying it. he obsesses over people's sexuality.
     
  7. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    He's only obsessed about theirs because he's obsessed about his own.
     
  8. Sklar

    Gold Member

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    What a bunch of crap.

    Why on Earth should he trust you know since you already told people that you think he's gay?

    Whatever trust or credibility you had is long gone. Why should he trust you any longer?

    Sklar
     
  9. Smartalk

    Gold Member

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    Having read all the comments I would say it is you that has the problem and has something to hide. If your straight, as you say you are, why worry and create such a fuss about it the way you are doing. I am gay and battled for forty something thing years before I accept my own sexuallity. Being homosexual or having feelings or tendancies people of the same sex, is totally normal. There is no black or white, in the sexuallity stakes, there are lots of shades of grey in between. You only need to look at the membership of this site to confirm that.

    I also say let it drop, Straight, Bi or Gay, you present behavour is giving the message to everyone that you DO have something to hide, even though you may not. Carry on as you are and this whole thing is just going to continue o esculate, you have so much to loose and very little to gain by your present behavour. So grow up and behave like a man. Who gives a dame what anyone thinks apart from your own ego.
     
    #9 Smartalk, Mar 8, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2009
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