my gaydar works great...

[PonyBoi]

I find it very VERY easy to pick out guys in the crowd. The ones that are gay... bi... or metro... It's easy...
it's not their mannerisms... it's not any kind of lisp... it's not the way they sway their hips or the way they dress or anything.
It's the fine details... things you notice in a stolen interested but not trying to be creepy glance...
Fags and even bi dudes in general... have a way about them. I'm not sure what it is but I'm super good at picking them out.
I admit I've pegged a few straight guys wrong lol... I usually chalk it up to wishful thinking... but I guess none of this is really the point of my post...
even the title doesn't make much sense...
but I shall continue regardless lol.
for the ease I have in picking out the gay dudes... in class, on the bus... wherever... I have NO idea how to approach anyone... I don't know how to cruise or give hints or do anything... In fact my complete lack of knowledge in this department frightens me to the point where I don't even try.
I don't go to the bar because I don't know how to pick up on anything that isn't a direct grope... and because of this I tend to attract only the most daring of older men. Not that I have issues with older guys but it'd be nice to know how to read younger dudes... I'm too self concious to dance also... heh... I don't use public washrooms except in emergencies... and when I do I always use a stall... Unless it's a single person bathroom...
I really avoid men in general except in controlled environments. I'm not afraid to wear flamingly queer clothes or to just let go and be a compelte faggot for a day or two... but get me in a cruisy spot or a bar... I clam up. I get social anxiety. I don't know what to say or what to do. I know a hot guy when I see one... I know if he's gay or not... and I can pickup on someone in the mall I just happened to catch checking me out from the corner of my eye... but what do I do next? It's so... confusing... I've never had a relationship or friendship with a complete stranger... anyone I've ever been with I've either met online or has been part of our group of friends for a while... I've never gone out and just kinda... hooked up... or like met someone at the bar and become friends... I guess... I don't know much about socializing and it scares me and makes me kinda awkward.
*vent vent vent vent*
I Want to be able to go to the bar... and know how to act and look... and how to interpret the way people are interacting with me... I want to know if that rather dashing tall dark italian man I just passed was sizing me up or checking me out. I wanna know if my trainer at work is flirting with me or just goofing around... I want to feel more secure about it... but *laughs* the very thing I need to do (practice... which I know ALL of you are going to say) is the thing I fear most... everyone else out there... has spent so much longer than me... I feel naive... vulnerable... and not in that cute way or that "I want to be taken advantage of" way. I want to know who's just cruising me cause I'm fresh meat... I wanna know all this shit...
I'm backwards...
my gay friends... they can pick up on social queues REALLY well... but for the life of them they can't figure out a gay man from a piece of cheese... I can pick the gays and straights out like clockwork... but have no idea how to proceed if I find something I like... and ultimately... I'd like the self esteem boost... of someone attractive... finding me attractive and flirting with me... but how will I know unless they're dead obvious? most people like to be subtle when they flirt just in case... but I'm so dense... I can't pick up on it...
*vent vent vent*
I don't know how to... cruise. I feel like a broken fag lol.

Truly,
Lexx

 

[2322]

I was in Ottawa yesterday! Grrrr

You need a mentor. I would have loved to shown you the ropes. You're such a sweetie, you deserve a nice guy (or at least a hot lay). Being attractive and approachable is a lot about confidence and ease. When you're comfortable hanging out in a cruisy place then you become a lot more approachable. People who don't look approachable, either because they're nervous, have low self-esteem, or just off-putting are usually so because they're not comfortable where they are. Could be a lot of reasons, but what matters most is that even the good-looking guys (like yourself) are intimidating to other guys and if you are open and friendly then that lowers the barrier. It also enhances your sex appeal no end.

Damn. Can't believe I didn't see this post in time. I love playing Cyrano. If I come back up to Vermont in a month or two I'll let you know. In the mean time though, let me give you an exercise:

Go to a gay bar on a busy night. The gayest in town. Get looking studly so you fit in but go with the goal of NOT picking-up anybody. Pump out a few rounds before you go if you feel like you need to lower your libido. Just go in and hang out at the bar and watch how things move. Watch the dancing or go dance by yourself. Chat with people who talk to you, but turn-down any fun stuff. If you have to pee then go pee in a stall. You're not looking for sex, just some bladder relief. Have some fun and just let go. Remember, there's no pressure because you're not looking for sex so it really doesn't matter what happens.

Do this for a few nights. If you see a hot guy one night, let him go because sure as shit he'll be back at some point when you are looking for sex. Once you become familiar with the society of the gay places you go, you'll get more comfortable and come to find that it gets easier. Whether it takes a month or two, who knows? But the first few times you do this, go alone. It's important. You may not have a good time for a while but eventually you will.

Best luck PB!

 

[B_NineInchCock_160IQ]

Picking out someone who is "metro" shouldn't be something you need to brag about since that's all purely superficial anyway. That's like saying my ability to pick out people from a crowd who are wearing red hats is amazing.

and social queues.... good eggcorn there. Not as funny as the one that came up the other day in conversation... but..... shit, I forget what it was. Shannon? Do you remember?

 

[D_alex8]

and social queues.... good eggcorn there.

Even better in that queues is also French slang for 'cocks'.

 

[PonyBoi]

I wasn't trying to brag.
sorry. I was just saying a whole bunch of stuff at once.

Truly,
Lexx

 

[elass]

Purely out of interest, how do you know if your intuition is accurate? Do you go up to the people in the crowd that you've picked out as being gay and ask them afterwards?

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

Even better in that queues is also French slang for 'cocks'.

You fucker ... I was just going to post this.:biggrin1:

 

[Gillette]

Even better in that queues is also French slang for 'cocks'.

That's funny, my friends refer to the bigger cocks as cukes (cucumbers).

Ponyboi, I think the exercise given by JasonEls is a good idea. It would help to build up your comfort level in a healthy way.

 

[PonyBoi]

Purely out of interest, how do you know if your intuition is accurate? Do you go up to the people in the crowd that you've picked out as being gay and ask them afterwards?

Well no but generally if you're sticking around the group long enough someone will make mention of their sexuality... especially if it's a group and there's someone in there who they want to know... news like that tends to travel fast for no reason. *shrugs* I'm generally pretty acurate.

Truly,
Lexx

 

[Matthew]

PonyBoi, I think jason had a good suggestion too. Look - you are a step ahead of most queer guys in that you automatically have a sense of who your target population is, ha ha. In terms of who is flirting with you or cruising, you're right, there is no substitute for trial and error. And maybe instead of waiting to see who's hitting on you, you could take the bull by the horns and approach the guys you find attractive. There is no magic formula, you just make eye contact, smile, and strike up a conversation. You will naturally be a little nervous, so just try and relax the best you can - other guys get nervous about all this too! The nerves are often about being rejected, but hey - it happens to the best of us, so if you just face that fear head on, it might not seem so scary. You are not broken or backwards - everyone started where you are now. If this seems like too much, do what jason said and just go experiment with meeting people and chatting without trying to hook up. Good luck!!!

PS: You have used up your quota of ellipses for the year ... :wink:

 

[PonyBoi]

PS: You have used up your quota of ellipses for the year ... :wink:

Buh?
Lexx

 

[Onslow]

I don't know how to... cruise. I feel like a broken fag lol.

since you say you cxan spot a queer (please, use the term queer to say fag is just so un-queer) you should be able to behave like one but if worst case scenario exists then find a queer bar and go in and drool over all the men that set your heart racing. Maybe wear a sign that says "Kiss me I'm a Queer"

 

[SamG380]

Buh?
Lexx

An ellipse is the proper term for 3 periods in a row (...), and actually a proper ellipse has different spacing then just typing three periods. i.e. (&#8230 instead of (...). Oh the wonderfully useless things us designers know!

 

[PonyBoi]

Onslow - thanks so much for your constructive response. I feel much better.

Sam - ahh... yes... sorry I talk IRL very much in run on sentence or leave sudden gaps when my mouth starts to move faster than my brain... Iguess I just put that there whenever I pause in my typing... afterall my punctuation is terrible and I have no idea how to paragraph (never was good at english class but I scraped by somehow)

Truly,
Lexx

 

[SammyQ]

My gaydar sucks. Over the summer i was at a club with my girlfriend and we started to talk tot his guy who i thought was straight and just friendly and what not so blah blah blah at the end of the night he asked for my number and im an idiot cuz i didnt think that that was weird and he called and like wanted phone sex and i was sort of creeped out.

 

[2322]

My gaydar sucks.

Of course your gaydar sucks. You're only 10% gay. I'm never sure unless a guy is a complete flamer and even then my brain replies, 'maybe he's just an effeminate heterosexual.'

 

[SamG380]

Sam - ahh... yes... sorry I talk IRL very much in run on sentence or leave sudden gaps when my mouth starts to move faster than my brain... Iguess I just put that there whenever I pause in my typing... afterall my punctuation is terrible and I have no idea how to paragraph (never was good at english class but I scraped by somehow)

Truly,
Lexx

Oh no problems! I use them all the time myself... I do enjoy when people use the word however... most people when the find that out go, Your kidding right... 3 dots has an actual name... and they aren't even really 3 periods!