My girlfriend and i..

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by D_Perseigh Peestick, Dec 27, 2006.

  1. D_Perseigh Peestick

    D_Perseigh Peestick New Member

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    for some reason can never have just blown out great/good sex. Everytime we do it, there seems to be a problem w/her, like she hurts. Now i know that my penis is the biggest that she has ever faced but still. She's very prude, which means she dont like alot of positions nor does she like to give blowjobs, or take it in the mouth, or ne thing. But tonight, we start having sex, i keep looking at her and she's about to cry. Now this is has been going on for over a year and half,..now the first 6 months were great, we would have sex alot, and she would go alot, and it wouldnt be a problem, the bigness that is. But now she hurts all the time. So tonight it ended up me pullling out, pissed off, and her crying and us getting into a big fight, because i try to tell her different positions, or things to help yet she get's rude. What can be causing her to do this? We believe she has endemetrousis(spell?) and she just got off of an yeast infection, but i mean...it's just been to long of this and im never sexually satisfied. We have had sex maybe twice in the past year for sure, that was great, for me and her. Other then it's always bickering, her getting one orgasm, then she's constantly hurting. Yet lately it's worse, hurting alot from the start. She tells me to go be w/a slut that can take it, yet that shit bothers me, because she used to, but now she cant. It's weird. IdK....let me know ur thoughts.
     
  2. nismosimo

    nismosimo Member

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    Dude, it was the same thing w/ me and my wife. When we were dating it was great, but there was the discomort like I would tear her and have to wait a week to go again. I am not "big" but she claims I'm the biggest she has had but we went at it like rabbits when we dated and then shortly after we got married it started to "hurt" even more and it just got worse. Now I'm possibly facing a divorce w/ her and the reasons are still unclear to me as why but she has used a lot of references towards there being no passion (she isn't big on it herself and honestly isn't that good in bed and doesn't believe in foreplay or oral sex). I have tried marriage counseling and the whole nine yards w/ her to no avail. She suggested she would go the Dr. to get her vagina checked out and figure out why she is always hurting and never went. It is harder w/ the girl when she is a prud but if you really love and want to be w/ her then find other ways to arouse her besides foreplay or oral. These types of females do require more work though. If you don't truely love then cut your loses and move on. I may not be the best advice but it's still my advice.
     
  3. D_Peacocke Rimplougher

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  4. Amygirl

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    I had the same problem with my bf who is on the large side. It was nearly a deal breaker for us too but we worked through the problem and now we just accept that we need lot's of foreplay and lube to make it happen. One thing we've both also had to agree on is if I'm not up to it due to fatigue/time of month/whatever then it just can't happen.
     
  5. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    I think alot of you guys really dont understand how much sex can hurt a woman..

    It probably isnt making it any easier on your gf knowing you arent satisfied and are expecting alot more out of her in bed and im sure that is why she is backing away from you sexualy. Id say there is some kind of mental/emotional reason why she sees foreplay and oral as a bad thing and you should sit her down and ask her about it..CALMLY

    I think maybe you need to try a little romance, take her away for a weekend and either do the chocolates flowers everything and nothing but sweet and loving intimacy or no sex at all. Let her know that you are with her for more than the sex and if you arent then maybe it is time for you to move on.
     
  6. D_Perseigh Peestick

    D_Perseigh Peestick New Member

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    Well i have done that before lee, ive sat her down and asked her, and all she can say is she just dont know. She does have this endemetrosios, but i just think it's weird how she used to take it fine, but now she cant. We didnt fight because i wasnt pleased, we fought because if i try to help she get's rude about it and tells me like "duh" or "That's stupid" so those things pissed me off to just pull out, and she told me she would rather me finish when she's going through that pain, then to not. But i love her, i dont want to get mine and watch her cry the whole time, it's very hard.
     
  7. Gisella

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    Well the only thing I have to say at the moment is if she has a diagnostic of endrometriosis this is a medical condition.

    Than better you get informed about this condition:

    Endometriosis is one of the most common causes of pelvic pain and infertility in women. If you want to know more about endometriosis and how to treat it, you have come to the right place!

    Endometriosis


    She has to be treated and etc.

    Sex with pain is no fun at all...and as much in the past she was ok some how she has this condition now.
     
  8. musclemark

    musclemark New Member

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    I truly understand you. we solved the problem with foreplay and lube for her and lube for me.
    and slow, slow, slow. you can´t fuck these women like a rabbit at the beginning of sex.
    she give you the commands. tells you in which position/direction you should work. than a few trys to get deeper. let her tell you how much she can take.
    slowslowslow. when ive entered her fully, i can fuck her like a maniac, and she likes it. positionchange? forget it!
    we don´t have sex often. she tells me when shes ready to. When shes not don´t be pissed. its just sex. you married her. there is more in live than sex, even if the hole world tells you the opposite.
    NO PRESSURE! if you force her to sex, she wont like it. do you?

    Give her time, and talk to her. most woamn need no sex they want to snuggle and lie in your arms, just feeling that your there.
    if your horny go to the toilet and do your thing. or tell her to ley her hands on your dick to stroke you.(damn that english is difficult sometimes, sorry)
    tell her that you will satisfy her. if she dont want to have sex stimulate her clitoris. all the gils like that. do it oftener without having sex aferwards. she will begin to like those moments of lust, givn to her by you!
    make herhorny, and soon she will not resist you and ask you to fuck her.

    be patient. men are sexmachines. women are lovemashines. thats a difference.

    keep your head up.
    you are not alone. honestly.
     
  9. transformer_99

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    To be quite candidly honest, this isn't just a problem for the well endowed only. It happens for the small, medium and everywhere in between for whatever reasons. The common denominator is a denial of service from the female. And with this denial of service there's usually a clause in the contract for a monogamous relationship. I don't know what the solution is for both this particular and those situations ?
     
  10. Chrysalis

    Chrysalis New Member

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    I think there can be a number of factors at work.

    The one that happens to us, sometimes, is that I build up a level of soreness and we're having sex so often that I just can't recover from it. A good analogy would be a skin scrape where you keep picking the scab and it doesn't get a chance to heal.

    If I notice a pattern of progressive soreness, then I know it's time to back off vaginal sex until I heal. And no, it doesn't just happen to couples where a "huge" cock is involved. It can happen to any couple that experiences a significant amount of friction during sex.

    If this is the problem (or, even more severely, if you have torn or lacerated her skin), she may need anywhere from one to six weeks to heal. A Dr. would be better able to determine the extent of the irritation (or whether she has been torn/lacerated). But if you let it heal, and start all over gently, then arrange the frequency of intercourse based on how much thrusting she can take and how much time she needs to heal in between, it would help tremendously, I think.

    Coming off a yeast infection is definitely not a good time to have vaginal sex. The walls will remain tender (they have been attacked by yeast!!!) for days after the infection has cleared.

    One thing TM and I have discovered (kind of by accident) is that if we use a lubed, non-ribbed condom (without spermicide, which I am allergic to) it reduces the friction significantly. Since my primary pleasure comes from repeated pressure/rubbing of certain places, and not friction against the skin, I can orgasm just as easily when he's wearing a condom, and I can go a lot longer without getting sore. I can also recover sooner from sex and be ready for a long session of thrusting again i.e. the next day. The flip side, though, is that he has difficulty cumming with a condom on, so we kind of have to balance who needs what at any given time.

    It might be something to experiment with, though.

    Having said all of that, if her problem is an arousal problem, as some have suggested, there could be multiple causes and/or solutions. Is there any non-sex-related stress or conflict in your relationship? For many women this can block the ability to become properly aroused, and to take a cock as big as yours without getting hurt, a woman needs to be very aroused.

    So I wholeheartedly agree with the previous suggestions of foreplay and lube, but also suggest asking her how she feels in the relationship, etc. She may have resentments that you don't know about.

    And finally, if chronic, aggravated soreness is the cause of all of it, just give her some time to heal. And allow extra time if she has recently had an infection.
     
  11. transformer_99

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    Hey, sometimes in this league you have to play injured. If Terrell Davis can play in the Super Bowl with a blinding migraine, well, sometimes you have to gauge who's willing to give you that 110 % ? Who the gamer is ? I'm not saying it's a matter of whether someone loves you or not, but it's a good indication when the entire act of sex is withheld and what anyone would be expected to hear or accept on a regular basis.
     
  12. snoozan

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    You've mentioned a yeast infection and endometriosis. Has she seen a doctor? To echo Gisella, endometriosis is a very serious,condition that is more important than you getting your rocks off especially if she's young and wants to have children in the future. You've called her a prude, which I think is a rather selfish and insulting thing to call someone you love. The fact that you're whining and bitching without addressing what you think is a medical problem BEFORE addressing your need for sex really sucks.

    Love and relationships are much more than you being able to have sex the way you want or as often as you want. If you're unable to be a patient, accepting, supportive partner, get out of the relationship.
     
  13. transformer_99

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    Yeah, get the endometriosis confirmed or denied. It's one thing to throw the term out as something that may explain it, but like you said, "sex, twice in the past year" ? If you/she believed it were cancer, wouldn't she have seen a doctor by now ? Wouldn't she have already discussed and had a thorough going over this with her ob-gyn ?
     
  14. Love-it

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    Lee M is right, we don't understand. There are so many physical and dare I say mental aspects about women and sex. Men see and experience only a small portion of what goes on and even then have a hard time understanding that tiny bit of knowledge.

    We have had 32 years of the same types of problems and we are only now coming to realize some of what went on and is going on. One small (large) bit of information that I finally learned was that in the beginning of our relationship, when I thought we were having lots of enjoyable sex, my wife thought that sex was supposed to be painful.

    You are fortunate to be talking about it now and there are things that both of you can do to help address this problem. It may never totally go away but you both can learn to deal with it.
     
  15. B_big dirigible

    B_big dirigible New Member

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    Sorry, this may not help much, but it seems to me that if you can manage two great ones a year, you're actually doing pretty well. I certainly can't remember two really great ones in any one year. The way some people on boards like this talk, you'd think that if you can't manage at least fifteen great ones a day you must be doing something wrong. That's all rubbish. Most times, for me it's more like, "off to the salt mines again ..." Not that I'd wish that on anybody who gets more, but from where I'm sitting, it's reality.
     
  16. transformer_99

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    Yeah but see, that's all a frame of mind though, if you are getting the action, a call to go in and play the game, you are getting the opportunity. In that case it's what you make of it. Now it might be another thing if the careers and responsibilities of everyday life is stressing either of you enough that the spark may be gone. And yet another thing, if one perceives a woman's vagina is a salt mine as opposed to being perceived as a gold mine. Sometimes sex eventually becomes a chore, something else to maintain. Something/Anything worth having is worth the maintenance. Like having a car, there's going to be at least payments, auto insurance, oil changes, tire rotations and fuel fillups. That's the price we all have to pay, it's whether anyone does it willingly or begrudgingly ?
     
  17. OKFarmer

    OKFarmer Member

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    Biggee24,

    If you are in Oklahoma City and she has insurance you might try the gyno's at the OU medical center near Lincoln Blvd. I can't remember the name of the doc we saw, but he is one of their specialists (Indian fellow). He wrote for my wife to see a physical therapist in OKC that works with vaginal muscles. Usually she does treatments for prolapse etc, but she has also worked with women who have vaginismus. The bad thing is our insurance at the time wouldn't cover it.
     
  18. Skull Mason

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    Get her checked out but honestly, you should probably just end up moving on. Its only going to get worse and bug the shit out of you more and more. It just seems you guys just arent sexually compatible...maybe attracted, maybe in love, but just do not match up all the way around. Its unfortunate but its part of life. I was in a relationship like that last year and kept trying and trying, eventually we broke up for other reasons and then I matched up with someone else perfectly and never looked back. You will be much happier with someone who can satisfy you and you can satisfy, its much more rewarding.
     
  19. Doc

    Doc New Member

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    My ex had endometriosis. I only have an average cock. And I had tons of great sex. Hell even with all the experiments we went through with massive dildos and the like, never did I get a complain. Now on the other had, I have had complains for lots of other reason. Stress at her needing to perform, stress in general, depression, needing to get out of bed and do something with her day, needing the room to be organized (she was an obsessive chick). My point is, when a woman needs a problem to avoid someone sticking an object into her, she will find one. When she wants to do it, she will and can.

    As for Endometriosis. My ex was only one woman among many, they might have all very different points of view on the matter. However take a look at the situation for a second. Endometriosis, is when the endometrial lining of the womb that holds the eggs in place starts to fall off haphazardly in large chunks, it is usually discharged during menstruation with a lot of blood loss. Whats worse, is that this causes scar tissue and exacerbates the problem. Also very often this lining some how begins to grow in areas where it shouldn't like near the fallopian tubes and other areas and the due to the regular hormone cycle gets shed there too. This is extremely painful. Also symptoms like diarreah are usually prompted by jogging or other exercise that seems to be particularly 'shocking' to the body.

    Now if you put two and two together, you can see that if it is not her time of the month, and you are not excessively large where you are piercing her cervix and somehow entering her womb, this shouldn't be a problem. Naturally with a condition like this, there can be all kind of other factors however that could cause problems. Her hormones could be off for one, that would make her not necessarly enjoy sex that much in the first place. She might have scar tissue within her vaginal walls. She could be an extreme case, and has never been properly diagnosed.

    The point is, take it easy. Either because of the Endo, or simply because she is scared to do it. If that doesn't float your boat, leave her and move on, cause it sounds like you guys just don't seem to understand each other.
     
  20. Ethyl

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    I had a laparoscopy 7 years ago. My endometriosis became so painful, I was often in bed for the duration of my menstrual cycle. Sex, a very important part of my life, became more painful over time until it hurt for me to have sex in certain positions because my partner's cock would hit against the sore spots caused by overgrown tissue in my uterus. I found relief when my OB-gyn suggested the surgery because he suspected I was not properly shedding the lining of my uterus every month. As it turned out, I had tissue stuck to the outside of my uterus and would have begun attaching itself to other organs.

    Please get your girlfriend checked out by a good OB-gyn and encourage her to explain the pain she experiences during sex. Pain is an indication that something is wrong and this should not be taken lightly. She could be rendered infertile if she is not treated and possibly experience bowel and bladder problems. If her endometriosis has not progressed to the stage where she would need surgery, then they can put her on the Pill or hormone therapy and it will take care of most of the pain.

    In the meantime, you need to decide whether you want to be patient and wait for her to get well or if you can't. There are things you two can do sexually besides intercourse until the problem is solved. Look at this as a way to become more creative with your sex life. Use lots of lube. Read more books on sex. Be patient. Explore. You'll be happy you did.
     
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