My Girlfriend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Quite Irate, Sep 22, 2007.

  1. Quite Irate

    Quite Irate Member

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    As some of you know, I'm currently involved in a long term three way relationship, with a male and a female. I hesitate to call it a threesome, because of the "purely sexual" connotation that goes along with the word. We are bisexual, of course.

    Both of them are great. Apart from the sexual experience, I really do love them both, and I think being with a male and female is a bonus, because their different personalities complete the relationship.

    Over the past few days, I've begun to worry about whether or not my girlfriend is as happy as she could be with someone. One of my neighbors is the daughter of a very rich businessman. She's young, attractive, and has a tendency to walk by and hang out around the very large windows of her apartment in the nude. I've seen my girlfriend watching her more than once. It's a reminder, for me, that while my boyfriend and I have both a male and female counterpart, my girlfriend has a relationship with two males, and it makes me uneasy. I'm not worried about her feeling dominated by two male personalities (trust me, she's more of a man than I), but I wonder whether she's fully satisfied by the situation. The problem is complicated by the fact that she's been taken advantage of many times (she was a fashion model, so that goes without saying), and most of her sexual experiences have been flings. She's only had two serious relationships, including this one, and the previous one was with another woman. I believe her fully when she says she's pretty much equally attracted to both sexes, so I'm not worried about her leaning towards becoming a lesbian (trust me, it's not going to happen), but I am worried about the lack of balance she gets in having a relationship with two guys (if I really count as a guy). I suppose talking about this on here is futile, because it's all speculation (she hasn't even hinted at anything, so I just be paranoid and/or protective), and our romantic situation isn't one that conforms to many relationship tips.

    I want to talk to her about it, but I don't know how, and I've failed to do it once already. I'd appreciate any comments you have.
     
  2. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    The only answer way to get an answer is to ask. If you're not worried about her being dominated then I doubt she'd hesitate to tell you. Communication is exceptionally important in any relationship, yet even more so in a multiple relationship. Discuss it with her and him if it continues to worry you. I wouldn't do it behind the other guy's back. Everything has to be out in the open lest suspicion, followed by resentment, sets in.
     
  3. SpoiledPrincess

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    I know she knows you use this site so why not simply show her your post. I wouldn't worry about there being a lack of balance because she's with two guys instead of one, a lot of women like loads of attention so that will be something she's getting more of with two of you, and a lot of women complain that they don't get enough from their partner, so she has two of you to make up for that.

    She's with the two of you and maybe she's a woman who needs two men in her life, if I'd had two men in my life maybe my marriage wouldn't have failed because if I hadn't been getting all I needed from one of the guys there would have been another guy to pick up the shortfall.

    I wouldn't worry about her watching the neighbour, who isn't going to watch if someone parading around naked whatever sex they are?

    The one thing that does ring a bit of an alarm bell with me is that you're not able to talk to her about this - communication failure is at the bottom of why most relationships end, it can be hard to bring something up but the first time you don't you're setting a pattern, force yourself in one way or another, if you don't talk about a problem it doesn't go away it builds upon itself so that it's not just the original problem. You don't know if the problem is a problem or if it's in your mind until you talk about it.
     
  4. Principessa

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    Sit down with her after dinner and maybe have a glass of wine. Tell her how happy you are with how great things have been going and ask her if she still feels the same way you do; or if she sometimes feels like spicing things up a bit? No matter what her response is, you then have an opening to say that you had noticed the pretty neighbor and thought she (your girlfriend) might be open to having her (the neighbor) join you occassionally. If she still says no you have your answer. I suspect she may want to mull it over and will come back to you in a day or two having changed her mind.
     
  5. guiltrip

    guiltrip New Member

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    Do you have a penis or a vagina?
     
  6. Principessa

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    Read his signature line. Quite Irate is a man.
     
  7. guiltrip

    guiltrip New Member

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    wow then bisexual to the max, I dont even know whether that makes the guy youre dating gay or the girl youre dating gay, so bi just about sums it up
     
  8. Quite Irate

    Quite Irate Member

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    I don't think it's as much of a problem as you think it is - the only reason I haven't mentioned it is because I'm not sure it's even .001% true, or if I'm just worrying about nothing.
     
  9. Osiris

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    You can still ask and even put it in a light that shows you are concerned about her happiness. I doubt she would be offended. I think quite the opposite. That shows a great deal of compassion and selflessness to ask something like that of the girl you love.

    Rather than approach it as a problem approach it as a you want her to be just as happy and fulfilled as you are and see about making things work.

    It's all in how you approach it.
     
  10. Quite Irate

    Quite Irate Member

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    I talked to her. It was just me being stupid (as always). :rolleyes:

    Oh yeah, we had wild crazy sex afterward, too. :wink:
     
  11. Osiris

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    I'm glad it all worked out.

    Now go out and replace all the stuff that got trashed during the wild crazy sex. :biggrin1:
     
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