My Grandmother was 95 and she never needed glasses....

[D_Roland_D_Hay]

Grandma had an hourglass figure....all it took to get to her figure for an hour was a glass of whiskey!!

 

[D_Roland_D_Hay]

Grandma was very helpful towards others......as she helped herself to their personal belongings!!

 

[Not_Punny]

She never said a kind word to anyone.

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

Had a tedency to drink and do carpentry- the carpenter said she loved getting hammered, nailed and screwed- all in those order.

 

[speshk]

Doesn't drink anymore. And doesn't drink any less.

 

[D_Roland_D_Hay]

Grandma was sort of like a bowling ball...she got picked up, fingered and thrown in the gutter!!!

 

[D_Roland_D_Hay]

She never said a kind word to anyone.

But she sure could talk about them behind their backs!!!:biggrin1:

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

Once told the priest she doesn't drink anymore-

and from what i saw down @ the Thirsty Moose last night she doesn't drink any less either.

Someone told her she has the skin of an eighteen year old- she'd better give it back- she's getting it all wrinkled.:biggrin:

 

[Not_Punny]

I thought she talked to them ON their backs??!!

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

It's one thing to be economical, but she's the only person i know who uses a substitute for margarine.

 

[ZOS23xy]

She was at a party and said "if all the men here were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. I wouldn't be surprised if I had a hand in it."

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

She had a saying for everything- that's probably why Grampa stomped on his hearing aid.

 

[D_Roland_D_Hay]

Grandma had a wonderful relationship with Grandpa...its just that there were so many of them, I can't remember which one stomped on his hearing aid!!! Was it Grandpa 6 or Grandpa 12?

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

Grandma got so mean towards the end she made onions cry.

 

[speshk]

Someone told her she should drink Canada Dry.

So she went up there.

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

Grandma got so mean and cantankerous she went to church sunday and the holy water boiled the moment she stepped in.

 

[Mem]

Why did Grampa die?

Because he wanted to.

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

Before he died, Grampa recalled that Grandma and a parole board had something in common- they never let anyone finish a sentence.

 

[Not_Punny]

Grandma had a 10 gallon bra

 

[lttlgrllst]

She caught her tit in the wringer of the washing machine one time.
(true story)