My Greatest Flaw, and How I'll Break Up With It

Xavian

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Thanks you two :)..

It's just tough. I'm really fearful of becoming that person that just unloads on everyone and claims he isn't responsible for his actions. Guess I need to shut up and let people closer already :p.
 

madame_zora

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Thanks you two :)..

It's just tough. I'm really fearful of becoming that person that just unloads on everyone and claims he isn't responsible for his actions. Guess I need to shut up and let people closer already :p.


The thing is, who you become won't just happen to you- YOU get to decide at every step of the way! You don't ever have to become someone you wouldn't respect, that's the point.

Of course, the flip side of that is that you should pay yourself the same respect you would pay a dear friend who was in your specific situation. If you would be loving and forgiving to them for doing something you have done (which requires forgiveness), then treat yourself as well.
 

B_Hickboy

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I've found it's a mistake to believe I'm smart. There are people, and they seem to be breeding, who know the price of everything and the value of nothing. I call them "yes, but" people, because they are so paralyzed by their own fuddled analytical process that they're actually unable to get on with living.

Most people believe they're thinking when actually they're obsessively reshuffling their own prejudices, like a brain-damaged blackjack dealer. I don't care how much time you spent doing it, if you can't arrive at a conclusion that actually serves a human need or purpose with love and dignity, in my book it ain't thinking. Thinking is man's highest and best activity. Most people engage in a panicked avoidance of acknowledging that they are mentally, spiritually, psychically, and intellectually bogged down and call THAT "thinking". They cheapen a sacred thing when they do.

The thing is, no authentic graces come cheap. Somebody always has to pay, and one of the real tragedies is that it usually winds up being somebody other that the ones who are in default.
 

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Flaws... Yes, I have a few... quite a number perhaps... I often think like I am still eighteen, but perhaps my greatest flaw, or at least one of my greater flaws is that I want strokes for my efforts. I put some thought into an effort (say a post on LPSG), and if the praise is faint or non-existant, I want to say "fuck 'em anyway!"

The reality of course is that I am often thanked, praised, acknowledged, but it never seems to be enough. So, I see the desire for strokes as being needy.
 

Ethyl

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I don't know if this is my greatest flaw but i'll admit my sensitivity is both my blessing and curse in this life. On one hand, i've been told my ability to empathize with others appears to have no limitations. On the other hand, I find that some are idiot enough to think my tolerance of their unkindness, ignorance, and stupidity because i'm "sensitive" knows no boundaries. MZ mentioned the IQ factor and I must agree. I find that many who would be unkind or attempt to take advantage of others are those who are of above average intelligence and I find this more deplorable than if/when those same actions are from those who are more ignorant and foolish and mistakenly think they can pull a fast one on you.

The world is full of intelligent people. It's what they decide to do with their intelligence that makes all the difference in the world. Some of them are only concerned with themselves and not with the rest of the human race and they often display two traits I detest most in humans: dishonesty and unkindness. They're unnecessary, destructive, and ironically, require more work than their polar opposites.

I'm not advocating Precious Moments scenarios (insert teardrop eyes here) but reaching out to your fellow man or woman in need. I see too little of this and too many people who are disengenous, willfully ignorant, and malevolent. Open doors the for the elderly and pregnant. When someone asks your honest opinion, give it, even though your answer may seem harsh at first. Give an insecure person a heartfelt compliment. If someone is clearly struggling with a problem and you know you can help them, for fuck's sake, please do so. When someone has a different opinion than yours, listen, instead of becoming defensive. You might actually learn something.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to channel my sensitivity productively and work on putting the above into practice for myself....
 

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I don't know if this is my greatest flaw but i'll admit my sensitivity is both my blessing and curse in this life. On one hand, i've been told my ability to empathize with others appears to have no limitations. On the other hand, I find that some are idiot enough to think my tolerance of their unkindness, ignorance, and stupidity because i'm "sensitive" knows no boundaries. MZ mentioned the IQ factor and I must agree. I find that many who would be unkind or attempt to take advantage of others are those who are of above average intelligence and I find this more deplorable than if/when those same actions are from those who are more ignorant and foolish and mistakenly think they can pull a fast one on you.

The world is full of intelligent people. It's what they decide to do with their intelligence that makes all the difference in the world. Some of them are only concerned with themselves and not with the rest of the human race and they often display two traits I detest most in humans: dishonesty and unkindness. They're unnecessary, destructive, and ironically, require more work than their polar opposites.

I'm not advocating Precious Moments scenarios (insert teardrop eyes here) but reaching out to your fellow man or woman in need. I see too little of this and too many people who are disengenous, willfully ignorant, and malevolent. Open doors the for the elderly and pregnant. When someone asks your honest opinion, give it, even though your answer may seem harsh at first. Give an insecure person a heartfelt compliment. If someone is clearly struggling with a problem and you know you can help them, for fuck's sake, please do so. When someone has a different opinion than yours, listen, instead of becoming defensive. You might actually learn something.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to channel my sensitivity productively and work on putting the above into practice for myself....

MB, I said that about intelligence ! LOL! Amen, Sister! Preach it, Preach it!
 

SpeedoGuy

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The world is full of intelligent people. It's what they decide to do with their intelligence that makes all the difference in the world. Some of them are only concerned with themselves and not with the rest of the human race and they often display two traits I detest most in humans: dishonesty and unkindness. They're unnecessary, destructive, and ironically, require more work than their polar opposites.

Well said.

You've hit near my greatest flaw: I expect children to behave like children and I am not often surprised by what I observe in them. But I also expect adults to actually behave like rational, thoughtful adults and there I am often surprised. My bad.
 

SassySpy

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Gosh, talk about vulnerability here! Like MB, my flaw(s) can be a gift, as well.
My compassion. Often leads to enabling dependent behaviours in others. The worst thing is, sometimes I see myself doing it but don't stop. I do it a lot with men. I truly do feel compassion and caring for guys who are insecure, or feeling low- kicked around, beat up- you name it. I will comfort them and heal their wounds and try to make their pain mine. WAIT!! You see, THAT is what I do. I try to take everything upon myself- I am the "rescuer"-
Now, how can you not fall in love with me?
See where I've gone with this? And thats why I am single currently, and in therapy. The madness must stop.
 

naughty

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Gosh, talk about vulnerability here! Like MB, my flaw(s) can be a gift, as well.
My compassion. Often leads to enabling dependent behaviours in others. The worst thing is, sometimes I see myself doing it but don't stop. I do it a lot with men. I truly do feel compassion and caring for guys who are insecure, or feeling low- kicked around, beat up- you name it. I will comfort them and heal their wounds and try to make their pain mine. WAIT!! You see, THAT is what I do. I try to take everything upon myself- I am the "rescuer"-
Now, how can you not fall in love with me?
See where I've gone with this? And thats why I am single currently, and in therapy. The madness must stop.


YOu need to email me.There are lessons to be learned. Good girls dont have to finish last....
 

AlteredEgo

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He is pretty modest, for a woman.

He was confused because my penis is bigger than yours. Whatever that means. LOL

What a load of tripe. Obviously the OPs greatest flaw is his excessive modesty.

This is an odd response. I say, "I'm trying to figure out how to be less of a creep. I have asshole tendencies." I go on to ask how other people sort through the undesireable aspects of their personalities. You respond with your usual bullshit. And to be honest, you disapoint me frquently because I respect intelligence and clarity, which you have in spades, but you are wholly unlikeable. I have been wanting to like you for 14 months or so now. Alas, my mother was right: We do not always get what we want. That's beside the point. The point is, your reponse is weird. Your misplaced negativity strikes me as very odd, and makes me wonder where it's origins lie. I wonder if you started wondering what your greatest flaw is and got pissed off. I frequently get angry with myself when trying to sort out my short-commings. If someone else highlights them, some of that anger is reserved for them. I am, however, mature enough to keep that anger to myself, deeply flawed though I am. I wonder if the problem here is that you are not. Of course, my excessive modesty reminds me that I don't know. (Believe me, I do not suffer from excessive modesty. I celebrate my dopeness with every breath. Trust.)
 

AlteredEgo

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I share this flaw, and you described it with perfection.

While I have not yet arrived at being able to control it, to ANY degree, I do think I know its origin, and it is fear. Not fear of other people's stupidity, but fear of our own. No amount of testing, scholastic performance or job performance can seem to assuage our fear that we may look as stupid as Asshat to another onlooker. ...


Yes! Clearly this is it. You know, my mother always said that allnegative adult responses can be traced back either to fear, embarrassment, or both. I should have been able to see this.

So if the issue is fear of appearing stupid-by-association, or fear of never being smart enough, then I won't have as hard a time dropping this habit as I thought. I just need to remoind myself that I don't want to care about other people's perception of me. I have to remind myself that I don't want other people's opinions to dictate my actions. I can do this, it just won't be easy. At the same time, it's going to be easier than I thought.
 

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I'm not advocating Precious Moments scenarios (insert teardrop eyes here) but reaching out to your fellow man or woman in need. I see too little of this and too many people who are disengenous, willfully ignorant, and malevolent. Open doors the for the elderly and pregnant. When someone asks your honest opinion, give it, even though your answer may seem harsh at first. Give an insecure person a heartfelt compliment. If someone is clearly struggling with a problem and you know you can help them, for fuck's sake, please do so. When someone has a different opinion than yours, listen, instead of becoming defensive. You might actually learn something.

I think I love you! Honestly, that line really made my heart swell up.

Give a goddamned homeless beggar a dollar and don't worry about what they do with it. It you "give" it to them, it's not yours anymore!

If your dear friend is crying and sad, take time off work and take them to lunch. Your job of meaningless bullshit will be there tomorrow.

Elderly people are lonely. Their kids treat them like dottering fools, or ignore them completely and no one's asked them their opinion on anything in a long time. Go make a friend, and let THEM do the talking. You'll be amazed.

Kids have "seen God" more recently than you have. They've been closer to whatever's on "the other side" of this life, at any rate. Ask a kid a grown up question, and watch them step up to the plate to answer. You might start having better days. I like to get kids away from their parents and ask them thing like if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend, have they ever stolen anything, or how they feel about the president, or war. Be a conspirator with a kid, they need to know someone is on their side. They don't have to be your kids, but pick one that you will be able to see regularly enough to get to know.

Young people are scared to make decisions. Empower them to trust themselves more fully.

Give something frivolous you own away to someone you don't know, and don't worry about what happens to it. Make sure that it is something you care about. Then, stop caring about things. This is a big one.

MB, you made my fucking day!
 

madame_zora

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Yes! Clearly this is it. You know, my mother always said that allnegative adult responses can be traced back either to fear, embarrassment, or both. I should have been able to see this.

So if the issue is fear of appearing stupid-by-association, or fear of never being smart enough, then I won't have as hard a time dropping this habit as I thought. I just need to remoind myself that I don't want to care about other people's perception of me. I have to remind myself that I don't want other people's opinions to dictate my actions. I can do this, it just won't be easy. At the same time, it's going to be easier than I thought.


At the risk of sounding presumptuous, I'll recommend a book. Illusions, The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach. It's an extremely short fiction and easy to find cheap in used bookstores.

It will be easier to drop unwanted flaws than you could ever imagine. The good news is, you can also keep the ones you've grown fond of!

edit- I can't shut up tonight. Embarrassment IS a form of fear. There are only two pure states of being, love and fear. We go through gradient percentages between the two, and those are the full range of emotions. Love and fear are opposites, not love and hate, which are not. Hate is a form of love, only corrupted.
 

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I think I love you! Honestly, that line really made my heart swell up.

Give a goddamned homeless beggar a dollar and don't worry about what they do with it. It you "give" it to them, it's not yours anymore!

If your dear friend is crying and sad, take time off work and take them to lunch. Your job of meaningless bullshit will be there tomorrow.

Elderly people are lonely. Their kids treat them like dottering fools, or ignore them completely and no one's asked them their opinion on anything in a long time. Go make a friend, and let THEM do the talking. You'll be amazed.

Kids have "seen God" more recently than you have. They've been closer to whatever's on "the other side" of this life, at any rate. Ask a kid a grown up question, and watch them step up to the plate to answer. You might start having better days. I like to get kids away from their parents and ask them thing like if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend, have they ever stolen anything, or how they feel about the president, or war. Be a conspirator with a kid, they need to know someone is on their side. They don't have to be your kids, but pick one that you will be able to see regularly enough to get to know.

Young people are scared to make decisions. Empower them to trust themselves more fully.

Give something frivolous you own away to someone you don't know, and don't worry about what happens to it. Make sure that it is something you care about. Then, stop caring about things. This is a big one.

MB, you made my fucking day!

I am going to print your post and frame it then stick it on my fridge. It will serve as a reminder every morning when I fix breakfast.

Some of the things you suggest are not easy, but you are so right and they are worthy of being reminded of regularly.

Thanks for this great insightful post MZ :smile:
 

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when/where/how does humility enter into this discussion? i don't think it's necessarily a case of one being arrogant as much as maybe one lacking the ability to admit you just may NOT know everything and allowing that to temper your revulsion at those fellow humans who share your sin.

even the nugget of wisdom you are so certain of being lord and master over and so incredibly generous as to share with the lower forms of life you are doomed to be surrounded by may not be entirely correct. we have our theories, we have our musings we KNOW in our hearts, we have some facts and figures and names and dates we can pull out of book we read, but in the end, even Newtonian physics isn't entirely correct. maybe this acknowlegement can temper your outright distain for the asshat you've allowed to ruin your day.

btw AlteredEgo, absolutely masterfully written OP... thanks for it.

also (i can't shut up), why does it feel like every word i type is misspelled???
 

ruffboy

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fantastic madame! wonderful stuff

and if i could add one more: when you see someone else engaging in your flaw, slamming another human being, maybe avoid the intense desire to pile on by praising them for their derision :wink:

I think I love you! Honestly, that line really made my heart swell up.

Give a goddamned homeless beggar a dollar and don't worry about what they do with it. It you "give" it to them, it's not yours anymore!

If your dear friend is crying and sad, take time off work and take them to lunch. Your job of meaningless bullshit will be there tomorrow.

Elderly people are lonely. Their kids treat them like dottering fools, or ignore them completely and no one's asked them their opinion on anything in a long time. Go make a friend, and let THEM do the talking. You'll be amazed.

Kids have "seen God" more recently than you have. They've been closer to whatever's on "the other side" of this life, at any rate. Ask a kid a grown up question, and watch them step up to the plate to answer. You might start having better days. I like to get kids away from their parents and ask them thing like if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend, have they ever stolen anything, or how they feel about the president, or war. Be a conspirator with a kid, they need to know someone is on their side. They don't have to be your kids, but pick one that you will be able to see regularly enough to get to know.

Young people are scared to make decisions. Empower them to trust themselves more fully.

Give something frivolous you own away to someone you don't know, and don't worry about what happens to it. Make sure that it is something you care about. Then, stop caring about things. This is a big one.

MB, you made my fucking day!
 

madame_zora

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I am going to print your post and frame it then stick it on my fridge. It will serve as a reminder every morning when I fix breakfast.

Some of the things you suggest are not easy, but you are so right and they are worthy of being reminded of regularly.


I'm a fairly talented rip-off artist. I steal ideas from AA, writers I like, like Kahlil Gibran, historical figures I find inspiring, like Jesus and Gandhi, and occasionally Snoopy when he's really on his game.

It's easier than you think, really. Don't make it tough and it isn't. Just talk to people, start making more eye contact. That's where everything begins, and you don't have to do even ONE thing consciously, it will just start happening after a while. Give warm, firm handshakes, open doors for everyone and smile. In very simple ways do we make ourselves servants and friends to our fellows.