My Greatest Flaw, and How I'll Break Up With It

SomeGuyOverThere

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I don't think I have a particularly "greatest" flaw. That isn't a statement of arrogance though - I have many flaws, many of them rather severe and it's hard to say what plagues me the most.

I know that I allways want people to like me - I have serious security issues, and I'm allways afraid of what people think of me.

I've countered this in the past by putting on a persona of arrogance, which saved me from pain, but made me many enemies.

I've also tried to be the joker, being fun, and cracking jokes, but my humour doesn't allways come across well and I have made many enemies doing that too. Not only that, but its a way of holding people at arm's length, and although you can meet many people, theose people don't know you, and are not your friends, they just want you to make them laugh.

My insecurity makes me allways seek acceptance, and can leave me depressed and down, I think it's perhaps my worst flaw.
 

b.c.

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My flaws are perhaps not so much flaws as characteristics which seem to alienate people. So I guess whether they're flaws or not is relative.

One is that I have difficulty hiding or disguising when I don't particularly care for someone. Some have perfected the ability to smile in peoples' faces and spit venom about them behind their backs. I'm not too good at disguising it. It's usually evident that I don't like someone by my tendency to try to avoid them.

Two is that I have difficulty concealing how I feel about some things. I'm still trying to perfect the art of biting my tongue. This "flaw" seems to some to be a kind of "arrogance"...a contempt for authority (a view usually held by those in "authority" with whom I've come in contact).

But the primary flaw which I think is perhaps at the root of the other two is that I tend to do and say things contrary to what others expect. I don't know if this is so much my fault as it is the fault of others who make presuppositions as to what I am supposed to do/think/say/like/act like/etc.

People inflict their stereotypical expectations on other people. Anomalies (i.e. those difficult to classify) set people ill at ease. They think you're pretending to be something/one you're not, without considering that, perhaps, you are not what they expected.
 

madame_zora

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b.c., not only are some people not what they expected, they are also not what they wanted. This is especially apparent when they feel free to tell you how to be.

hootie, I'm sorry if the attention you received was unwanted, feel free to contact me by pm if you'd like to talk further.

Jana
 

madame_zora

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SomeGuy, I see a pattern of so many of us acknowledging being seen as arrogant. This is interesting to me because when I was in sales, I often had to takes personality inventories that first asked questions about how I saw myself, then how others saw me. Of course, these are both perceptual, based on my point of view, but it's interesting to see the differences between how we see ourselves and how we think others see us.

I don't see you as arrogant, because to me the word "arrogent" implies false egoism. I think if someone has confidence because they have educated themselves in a certain area, that is just competence, not arrogance. I think that many people see someone who is confident as arrogant, and hence the differing opinions.
 

invisibleman

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I wouldn't even bother to argue with him about politics, except that I don't want him brainwashing me accidentally while he tries to convince himself that he's not being used improperly by the system. I also cannot lie to him about my opinions. I promised him complete honesty, and that's what he's going to get!


No matter what--you are entitled to your opinions and viewpoints in a relationship. If he is offended by what you say to him about Bush, that is his problem. If he makes you feel bad for feeling the way you feel--that's wrong. My sister (who is a reborn Christian) is going through the same exact thing with her military husband. She voted for Bush in this past presidential election. (Because of the gay marriage issue.:rolleyes: Sarcasm: The only true influence that gay people have over a vote. ) She told him who she voted for and he was LIVID. They argued for days on that one. Those arguments set a precedence for her divorcing her husband.

 

SomeGuyOverThere

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SomeGuy, I see a pattern of so many of us acknowledging being seen as arrogant. This is interesting to me because when I was in sales, I often had to takes personality inventories that first asked questions about how I saw myself, then how others saw me. Of course, these are both perceptual, based on my point of view, but it's interesting to see the differences between how we see ourselves and how we think others see us.

Indeed, but it's become a minor obsession of mine to figure out what people really think of me and to see if that lines up with what I think they think.

It's really quite an annoying habbit, that I can't seem to shake.