My husband gave me permission to cheat

[vibrator]

Its a little strange for a guy to give his wife permission to look outside the marriage, I hope your marriage continues to be strong. But I'm not sure how this will work out, this could be the beginning of the end.

 

[deleted356736]

i like what porter says... theres more to life than sex! Obviously you can talk all of this through with your husband, and try endlessly to get him to get in shape and change his sexual approach, but if you really love him, i dont see why its necessary to go out and find someone just for sex. i mean really, i know this is a large penis forum and we all enjoy sex, but there is so much more in life. who cares about a good fuck, wouldnt you just rather be happy and content with knowing you have someone in your life looking after you?

Don't be silly: if you have been through what I have been through, you would realise that life can be short and the time we have isn't worth wasting. Sex is a very important part of life, and any relationship must have a good and satisfying sexual component to it or else it's not worth perservering with. So she gets total marital satisfaction holding hands while watching television together? Or seeing a good movie together? Or discussing a good book she's just read?

To be honest, rather than straying she should just leave him. Second time around, with some sexual experience, she may get what she's been missing.

I have only come across a couple of virgins who married one another and stayed together, and all had sexual crisis similar to this. I suppose some may make it work, but truly the odds are against it.

 

[stlbigman]

I don't have any experience being married but i've been around the block to know a bad idea when i hear one. i'm sorry your love life stinks but you cannot abandon the marriage emotionally by cheating (yes it is cheating). Have you tried sex counseling? Have you talked to someone about your bedroom problems? Try ANYTHING before you consider straying. Because I know one thing about women: when they have sex, it's not just physical, it's emotionally driven. It will destroy you and your husband's relationship forever.

 

[endcapper]

I found myself in a similar situation as your husband and I too was willing to allow my wife to have sex with other men. I had an average size cock and suffered from premature ejaculation. Over the years, I taught myself to be a good lover. Lots and lots of fore play and always bringing my wife to orgasm, not leaving it up to her to finish herself off. I searched all sorts of articles to fix my PE and penis enlargment. Guess what I've got a 71/2 in penis through jelquing and found a nasal spray that has cured my PE. Tell your husband not to be so lazy and do something about your sex life instead of running the risk of losing you to someone else. A good fucking from another man will change your marriage for good and not for the better either. Would be different if your hubby wanted to know who you were fucking and even turned on by it as many do but he wants to bury his head in the sand and hope that you will return as the same woman. No way will you be the same again especially when you have your time of sex together. You will both know it's not the same and his confidence will go down hill real fast and as for you, your hunger for sex will grow.
Make sure that you two have covered all avenues before launching yourselves into anything outside of your marriage.
My wife and I have a wonderful sex life coz we worked at it for years and we COMMUNICATE. getting to know and changing one anothers lives is what marriage is all about.

 

[hungthickone]

aSK HIM IF HE WOULD BE OK WATCHING YOU WITH ANOTHER MAN.
The truth may come out then.

 

[a_uncensored]

I asked him if he'd want to watch or have a threesome with another guy - he said no.

Thanks for your thoughts Endcapper - I'll have to look up jelquing.

 

[hud01]

I asked him if he'd want to watch or have a threesome with another guy - he said no.

Thanks for your thoughts Endcapper - I'll have to look up jelquing.

If I read correctly I don't think penis exercises are going to help this. It seems his weight and his technique are more the issue.

It would not be out of bounds to ask him to diet and exercise so he could do what you need.

If you decide to go outside of the marriage there are over 1000 men from Ohio on this site. You could look and see if anyone strikes your fancy.

 

[fsck_u]

I would exhaust every possible avenue first with your husband involved. If it's not going to work then do it and get the kind of f'ing you want. However know that it also has a better then good chance of f'ing your relationship up as well. It's really kind of a decision are you willing to end the marriage to get what you need sexually? If so I'd be happy to try and help you cum

 

[nardo2086]

It's not cheating if he gives you permission to have an open relationship. Perhaps you're feeling a little guilty about it? If he's telling you it's OK to see other men, make sure he is really OK with it. Ask him what boundaries he would want, and amake sure you're OK with it if you're going to follow through. Also ask him why he'd be OK with you seeing other men. Is it because he's having a personal issue with himself, your relationship with each other, or he's secure about himself and know you'll be coming home to him. If he's telling you to see other guys, but does not want to hear anything about it, he's telling this to make you happy. However, I think this may do more harm to both of you.

About his obesity, if he's having personal issues with himself and life, you should really be supportive of him. Find out what would make things better for him and encourage be proactive. If he's going through depression, I dont think you should see other men. He may think he's OK with you do it, but it may end up doing more harm than good. Are you happy in your relationship?

 

[BlkWthThk11]

I've been with my husband for 20 years married for 8 and have only ever been with him. I have only cum once with him during sex all the rest of my cumming experiences are on my own.

I have tried telling him what I want, showing him, talking, toys ...

Last night after sex he told me he wanted me to be happy and that if I found that sexually with someone else he was ok with it as long as I didn't tell him or talk to him about it and as long as I came home to him. He said he just wants me to be happy and that he's not sure he can do that sexually.

He's of average penis size - bigger may be nicer but I just want it hotter stronger and for more time - I've talked to him on all this.

I know it always looks "greener on the other side" and know that cheating is a selfish act.

I have heard all kinds of bewares from friends but since I have very little experience since I've never been with anyone else - I thought I'd ask you guys and gals who have had experience in this arena.

So do I find sexual happiness elsewhere and do the expirimenting that I wish I had done before I got married or should I stay true knowing that we may never have a great or good sex life?

BTW it's not like this is a new change for us sexually - it's never been earth shattering for us even though we are best friends.

Hi, sent you a private message hon , go for it !! Marcus

 

[Ramsey]

Personally, I want to be the one to be who my wife desires sexually, so if I had to work for it, I would. As I've learned, someone may offer you something, and then use it against you later.

 

[a_uncensored]

For the record and I think I mentioned this earlier:

1. Yes my husband is obese - we have a gym membership and I buy healthy foods. He chooses to eat differently and not workout. I support him in seeking a healthy lifestyle because I care about him.

2. Yes he is depressed. I have been supportive about him seeing therapy etc. He does take antidepressants which I know don't help the sexual issue but help his anxiety so I'm ok with that.

3. You name it and I have tried it to spice things up
...

4. I know he'd really rather me not go anywhere else becase he says doesn't want to know or hear anything about it. I know he is sayng this to try to make me happy by giving me permission.

I think it really comes down to my feelings and what I want in my life - I guess I just don't know since I have never been with or really dated anyone else.

 

[Drifterwood]

Sex can be just sex. But both people (preferably more :redface need to be on the same page about that.

You don't know where you are at with this, so I would strongly advise that if you do try it, then you find someone experienced who will be able to handle all eventualities of your reactions.

I have read what others have said and they have perfectly good points to make. I would say that lack of good sex can be a block to an othersie fulfilling relationship. I know people who have sex outside their relationship to save it. Yes, to save it. If they didn't, the sex issue would destroy the relationship and they don't want that.

Men don't want their wives to go and get serviced elsewhere (generally), but if they can see that it is a monkey on their back, they are capable of making the hard decision.

If you look for a fuck buddy, make sure you find someone who knows the rules and boundaries - you are using each other. Period.

 

[chevy28360]

It can certainly be done. But once you start doing it, be prepared for his depression to deepen. Him 'giving you permission' sounds like a cry for help to me. However, if he is unable or unwilling to help himself, then you have an obligation to yourself, and to him, to start the road to seperation.
Your situation may be different. And perhaps after you seem to be happier once you find some sexual satisfaction, he will be happier too, because he will no longer feel obligated to provide that for you. But be aware of all the possibilities. Be aware that he may be giving you the opportunity to ruin your relationship, in an attempt to end it. It seems, at the very least, he is looking for an out with you physically. If you don't mind me asking, has your social relationship (talking, laughing, spending time together) been on a downward curve as well?

 

[jack65]

For the record and I think I mentioned this earlier:

1. Yes my husband is obese - we have a gym membership and I buy healthy foods. He chooses to eat differently and not workout. I support him in seeking a healthy lifestyle because I care about him.

2. Yes he is depressed. I have been supportive about him seeing therapy etc. He does take antidepressants which I know don't help the sexual issue but help his anxiety so I'm ok with that.

3. You name it and I have tried it to spice things up
...

4. I know he'd really rather me not go anywhere else becase he says doesn't want to know or hear anything about it. I know he is sayng this to try to make me happy by giving me permission.

I think it really comes down to my feelings and what I want in my life - I guess I just don't know since I have never been with or really dated anyone else.

Hi, The problem here is not you or him, but the depression, This insidious mental illes is what is not giving you what you want, and sadly from what you have said so far i'm inclined to think you have been feeding it - even if that is not what you were trying to do.
Take point three from above :
"3. You name it and I have tried it to spice things up"
Every time he tries ( and i bet it's getting less and less ) and thinks he has "failed you" it only serves to re-enforce what the depression tells him " he'll never be good enough"
If this has gone on for years then it's a hard road back.

Look stop thinking this is your husband doing this to you and start thinking that the one you claim to love is slowly dieing inside and where are you?
Depression is the one doing this to you not your husband all he can do is look on.
sorry for beeing so harsh i just don't know how to say it better.
Depression kills every thing eventauly, 1st our hope, then our relationships, then the sufferers them selfs, if things are not good go back to the doctors tell them everything and get meds that help.

I hope that every thing works for both of you.

 

[drac]

a uncensored, at first i was thinking that this may open an avenue for your husband to seek out other relations also, and by telling you not to tell him gives him privacy to do whatever. But after reading you last post seems to me that he has some issues, which sucks for him, sounds like he is trapping you with his need for you to pity him, which you do but may not no it. How overweight is he, and how old, and listen to the guy that mentioned jelquing, PE or penis enlargement and it's different techniques will work, growth may be slow, but his sex drive will definitely improve, I do PE and growth did happen and i am 36 and never had the sex drive i have now, and i was a maniac thru the teens and most of the twenties. Read up on it.
Now if he is just not interested in doing anything and just wants to be depressed, it's time to go, for you, that is, sounds like you have the best of intentions and need more out of life, sounds like he is holding you back on more than just cumming.
It seems what you really need is maybe some happy, lively, COMPASSION. That alone would probably make you cum.
Question: is your sex life basically just going thru the motions are do you feel a great amount of love. Because you need to feel in love with someone if you have been together as long as you have.
Idea: Get him to lose enough weight to make his belly smaller then have sex with him in an elevator. JUST DO IT! or leave him!!!!

 

[TheRob]

i think he's being a lazy, selfish arse!

this isn't him thinking it would be fun to spice things up.
this is him being too lazy & selfish to work on being healthy and giving you the sex you need, and it's a complete cop out to tell you to go find it elsewhere...he doesn't want you to cheat. that's why he doesn't want to know. but it's the easy option for him...you'll quit expecting him to work at satisfying you. then he can have as little sex as he likes, in the least giving way, without feeling an obligation to make it work for you.

how do i know this? because it's exactly the same shit i pull for pretty much the same reason! i don't care that much and i can't be bothered to keep making the effort. difference is, i'm honest that i'm a selfish bitch.

you want some decent loving? go out and get it.
but i'll put money on you finding someone more giving, start resenting mr too-fat-to-shag and leave his arse for someone who makes you feel like a goddess!

...do i lack tact?

you do lack a bit of tact yes

 

[Symphonic]

It's a fucking bad idea!

 

[matticus201]

I think it really comes down to my feelings and what I want in my life - I guess I just don't know since I have never been with or really dated anyone else.

a_uncensored, I think you hit the nail on the head right there. I agree there is more to life than sex. You have obviously put a lot of time and effort into building a 14 year relationship that you care about and don't want to loose. I respect that. I don't cut and run either. But there is a fundamental issue you can't deny here. You aren't happy, and from what you say, neither is he. Sexual satisfaction, while not the only thing, is important and tantamount to intimacy with a long term partner. It appears that you've truly made a prodigious effort to make this work. I applaud that. But it's not working, and I think you've made a great first step in admitting that.

I just ended a similar situation myself. True, we certainly hadn't been married for 14 years, but the sex was never great. It could very easily have lasted much longer, but I needed more, and he wasn't willing to discuss it, try anything new, and eventually he wasn't even willing to be intimate anymore. It sucked, but it was obviously over.

I'm not saying divorce the guy. If you can make the marriage work, I think that's great, but I don't think you should feel guilty or bad about not being sexually fulfilled. Playing the martyr and staying in a marriage that makes you unhappy isn't going to affect anyone but you, and it'll only be in a negative way. It's true, single life isn't any easier, but I think in life, it's all about chances... those that are given to you, and those that you give yourself. I think you just have to decide which type of choice this will be.

Best of luck to you. :redface:

 

[nedly32]

Opening a relationship depends on an absolute trust in maintaining what works and letting go of what doesn't. Set limits that are mutually agreeable and do not cross those lines, ever, no matter what.

Good luck.

right on the money there well said