one thing i've noticed as i've aged is how many more aches & pains i have. i've got this hip pain that flares up sometimes (arthritic pain), and an occasional tingling in my upper left thigh that my doctor says is related to a pinched nerve. in fact, i also have a pinched nerve in my neck (this was recently exacerbated by a car accident).
i've gotten fatter, too, and in my case i don't really like it at its current state. in fact, these days, i avoid mirrors/reflective surfaces at all cost. i flat out refuse to look. about a year ago, like tnj, i experienced a grief event (not the same event) and that is when my body changed most noticeably and definitely for the worse (in my case, it was primarily emotional drinking/eating combined with lack of exercise). prior to my gradual decline into being a prime candidate for a reality show on obesity, i had a pleasantly mildly plump shape and i was regularly active (3-5 times a week on average). now i'm several sizes bigger and know there's no way i'd make it through a 50 minute step aerobics class like before. it depresses me every time i think about how far i have fallen. it's all my fault, though. i am responsible. i did do the right thing and joined weight watchers approx 1.5 months ago, and for almost a full month i did very well and lost 10 pounds. it was great! i couldn't quite see it but i could feel my fat clothes were a little less tight. then my period hit maybe week before the anniversary of the grief event and it all went to shit. i started drinking & eating again like calories aren't a thing and i have the metabolism of a 19 year old intensely active athlete (which i don't).
i accept body changes happen as we age and as life circumstances shift, but it's so discouraging when it seems so much harder to lose weight at 48 than when i was young. i feel like i had to fight an epic battle just to lose that 10 pounds, which i happened to find in 2-2.5 weeks.
this morning i bit the bullet and logged back into weight watchers and got my stuff logged for the day so far. and i have scheduled a meeting later on in the week. i guess that's all i can do for now.
another thing is gray hair used to seem so cool to me. i had white streaks at both temples in my 30s and got so many compliments, including people who thought i had it done that way. nowadays it's like at least half gray and you know what i don't know if i like the look of it anymore. it's a weird silver brunette mix that i can't get on board with, so non-depressed me hennas it chocolate/mahogany and depressed me gets my sister to use a golden brown box hair color on it because henna is not for the lazy. and i'm far too lazy these days to fuck with something that takes me a whole afternoon.
whew, this got longer and more morose-sounding than i thought.
