My penis (erectile dysfunction)

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by mordecai17, Feb 10, 2007.

  1. mordecai17

    mordecai17 New Member

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    Hey, I've posted a couple of topics before on the subject long ago, but at the very least I just kind of feel like venting, not necessarily looking for great advice. Sorry if this is kind of long.

    So, my entire sex life, which began two years ago at 18 up until now has been plagued by pretty severe ED. Being a young man makes it all the more frustrating, humiliating, and shameful. I can't really remember how things were when I was 12 or anything, but from my very first sexual encounter, I couldn't get an erection. From that very first time I have been unable to completely clear my mind of that worry. That incessant thought in my head, no matter what else is going on, somewhere in my mind I'm focused on my dick and it's state of arousal. Now, normally this would be easy to diagnose as merely a psychological problem, but it's not that simple. All of these things I've noticed, keep in mind, where after I first attempted sexual activity and noticed my problem, before I didn't know the difference.

    First of all, I don't get morning erections, ever. Not at all. I wake up every morning almost completely flaccid, and I always have for as long as I can remember. I can get an erection through masturbation, but it takes quite a bit of manual stimulation, and then once it is achieved, it is not particularly hard and is quick to dissipate without constant stimulation. Once again, when I would just masturbate before I had any partners I truly didn't realize this wasn't normal, it's just what I knew. I also do not get random, spontaenous erections, sometimes it will swell a little throughout the course of the day, but not much.

    So my problem seems twofold. Yes, I do have a psychological problem with this, but I don't know how much that really matters, because I know there is a physical problem as well. I just don't even know where to begin in terms of bettering myself on this. I have somehow managed to have sexual intercouse with several girls in the past two years, and it's always an embarrasing experience of having to stop everything, masturbate myself to a half hard state and then trying to cram it in there, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I can safely say I have not had a sexual experience in my life without worrying about my dick, and it makes me sad and depressed and it definitely carries over into my general wellbeing. I know there is more to life than sex but it's tough to get over. I can't imagine not thinking about it, because for me, say I'm with a girl and I'm trying to relax and stay in the moment, not think about it, well, all of those thoughts still have that undercurrent with the focus on my erection. Like I'll try to focus on her, but it's still in my head because I know the main source of my thoughts are an attempt to not think about my dick, which in turn, just makes me think about my dick.

    I have been to doctors and have been told repeatedly that I "shouldn't have this problem" because of my age and that just makes me feel even shittier. I've also been told I am gay, which, no offense at all, I have nothing against people who are gay, but I am not. Some people try to reason that if you have a naked girl in front of you and they want to have sex, and you're a young healthy male and you can't get it up, then you're gay. Well, that's my life, and I love and am attracted to women, but I guess my dick isn't. Now, to clarify on my health. I am 20 years old, have no major illnesses or health conditions, have normal blood pressure, no diabetes, hormone or testosterone imbalance or anything of the sort. I do drink alcohol and smoke weed, but I've only been doing that for a year at most and I've had the problem much longer, it really hasn't affected things either way. Yeah I probably shouldn't do those things just to be on the safe side, but I feel it's largely irrelevant.

    I don't know, I'm just really messed up in the head when it comes to sex now and I feel weak for letting it get to me that bad. I envy people who have normal functioning sex lives but I guess it can always be worse and people are much worse off than me. I just wonder what it's like sometimes to function correctly, to be able to enjoy such a wonderful act with complete abandon and pleasure. As such, I don't see how I'll ever get over this issue.
     
  2. hung

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    Okay guys, I just have to get this off my chest. I am not telling you this story for sympathy or condolences or anything like that, I have no strange intentions. I am a freshmen in college. Last night I made the biggest mistake of my life by far, I had unprotected sex with a girl I didn't know very well. Wait, Wait, okay, I know I'm the biggest fucking idiot on the planet, so you don't need to tell me that. She told she didn't have anything, but who knows? I don't know her that well. I pulled out, but the risk of pregnancy is still there. Now I'm scared to death of contracting an STD or even AIDS. I have an appointment tomorrow morning at the health clinic to get tested, but that won't neccesarily mean I'm clean this early in the game. Looking back, I can't believe I could do something so reckless with my body, it makes me sick. Its just that, I've never been very good with girls, and last night, here was this attractive girl who wanted to fuck me, my mind just turned off, I couldn't think of the consequences. I'm prepared to be a man and deal with whatever bad things may come of this. I just had to write this and let it out because I'm so ashamed and I don't know if I can tell anyone in person. Anyone else have a similar tale of regret?

    The above was posted by the same person who started this thread.
     
  3. mordecai17

    mordecai17 New Member

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    what does that post have to do with anything I'm saying now? Yes, that was a mistake I made awhile ago but my problem was the same then and it's the same now, I described it pretty well I think. I didn't say I had never had intercourse. Just because I was an idiot in terms of not thinking of the consequences of unprotected sex doesn't mean I wasn't still preoccupied with the issue that I have. Thanks for bringing that up, though.
     
  4. Onslow

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    I had sort of wondered that myself.

    As to your situation right now mordecai, all I can advise is that you find a doctor who will take you seriously. Have a complete health checkup and make sure there is not some underlying issue causing this problem--I know you say that they have made clear there is no diabetes, b.p. or hormonal problem, but try another series of tests. Also I do not know if you are on any medications (prescribed) nor do I see mention of your size. For some, a larger penis has more difficulty in achieving full erection, although it is not impossible. Size however is not the only thing which can cause e.d. Meds can effect, if you have any medication at all it may be challenging your erection.

    I was wondering though, when (or if) you masturbate, do you find the erection to be fuller? I know you say it doesn't stay too hard for very long and that it takes a lot of work, but any difference could mean that at least some difficulty is within your mind--a fear. Either of rejection or of too much attention.


    Given all the things you have mentioned, I noticed you did not mention anything about a urologst. They are skilled towards both urinary tact and penis issues in general (at least when working wiht a male patient). There may be other specialists who deal with this as well, don't stop looking and asking questions.
     
  5. mordecai17

    mordecai17 New Member

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    thanks for your reply, Onslow. To answer your questions, I am on no medications, I take a multi vitamin every day, but that's it. My penis is 7 x5.5 ish so it's not a matter of simply being too large for a really full erection I would assume. About masturbation, and the really intriguing thing is, sometimes I can achieve a pretty hard erection by myself, I wouldn't say it's ever "rock hard" but it's more rigid than the general experience. It makes me wonder if I can, at some points, get pretty hard, why never any morning erections? It's still quite a psychological issue, and I realize this, but I don't know to what extent the physical aspect is there. I have also been to two different urologists and have received the same treatment, which is say, basically none.
     
  6. JustAsking

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    mordecai,
    I think it would be very helpful for you to realize that your problem is very real regardless of how much of it is psychological and how much of it is physical. Yhave every right to be concerned and upset about it regardless of its origin. You are no weaker of a person for being upset about it if it is a psychological problem as you would be if it was physical.

    We have a tendency to assign more responsibility to a person for their psychological problems than we do physical ones. So we might have more sympathy for someone who has contracted diabetes than someone who has a problem with depression. So its not surprising you feel the say way. But no, if your ED is complelely psychological, you are the "victim" of that just as much as if it were due to some physical problem. In other words, without the proper help from a professional, you have no more control over psychological ED than you would with physical ED.

    I think it is important for you to realize that there is no shame in having a psychological ED problem because that realization will help you be even more objective than you already are. Your observations about morning erections are naturally important, since one would think they are much less affected by anxiety or any other psychological problems. Armed with a new belief that either a physical or emotional origin for ED is equally troublesome and deserving of professional help, you should find a doctor to whom you present the problem to and demand that he help you find a solution.

    The doctors who dismiss your problem as "you are young, so it must be all in your head" are operating out of stone age medical practices. Your response to them should be two-fold.

    - "Doctor, is your belief that my problem is all in my head based on an actual investigation into my physical condition, or are you just winging it?"

    and,

    - "Doctor, if you have medical evidence that my ED problem is not physical, what is the next step for dealing with what might be a psychological problem? Can you refer me to someone who specializes in this or do you not believe in the medical practice of psychology?"

    Finally, I want to emphasize that your frustration and anxiety might be making this problem worse, but even that deserves some respect and attention. Which males among us would not be frustrated to complete distraction with chronic ED? Which among us would be able to prevent it from dominating our thoughts during most of our waking hours. Who would not think about it as often as we think about sex spontaneously, or when exposed to the subject at least 100 times per day. I would think it would like being a starving diabetic locked in a candy store.

    And finally, who among us would not be driven to distraction at the notion of lying with a willing and eager partner whom we love and desire and not be able to act on it. And who among us could prevent the massive ensuing performance anxiety from making the problem even worse? If it were me, my entire life would be on hold from this until I found a solution to it.

    So you have every right to be pissed, anxious, frustrated, depressed, and mad as hell, regardless of the origin of this problem. You also have every right to demand and expect that any doctor you start with in treating this problem will either attempt to treat it or refer you to someone who will. If they won't do that, they are denying you reasonable and proper medical treatment and they are willfully bordering on malpractice. You also have every right to ask any doctor to justify his conclusion with something beyond a vague reliance on probability. (i.e, that a young person should not have a physical cause for ED). And lacking that, you have every right to fire that doctor and find another one if he is unwilling or unable to do anything else but diagnose based on unwarranted assumptions or unwilling refer you to the right specialist.

    This sucks, mordecai. No question about that. Seek some medical professional help and demand a solution. This is not an unreasonble demand, since it is often easily treated by competent doctors.

    The one thing you might have control over yourself is you anxiety about your anxiety. In other words, cut yourself some slack about being anxious about this. Realize that this is not a sign of weakness. So at the very least, stop burdening yourself with the concern that you are overreacting and therefore must be a weak person. Just say to yourself, "Of course I am anxious about this! Who wouldnt' be? It sucks!" And then go and buy yourself some competent medical attention whether it leads to a physical solution, a psychological one, or some mixture of the two.
     
  7. reallyhot

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    I would tend to agree with the previous post.
    I would suggest that you learn to ask for what you need.
    Talk to more people about this, and define the kind of specialists you
    might find helpful.
    Definately request that your Physician give you a referral to an Urologist to address the physical aspect of your situation. ie: the plumbing...
    A GP is just that a General practitioner not a specialist.
    Then be aware you can also ask for a referral to a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist, realize that the Psychiatrist knows more about the medical end of it and how meds can affect or help you.
    Whereas the Psychologist can help you come up with Psychological
    or mental thought processes to help you work your way through issues.
    Hope this helps clarify things for you.
    Best wishes!!!
     
  8. D_Peacocke Rimplougher

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    have you tried jelquing?

    your knob might not be so adept at filling with blood, jelquing would certainly challenge that.
     
  9. Whopper-lee

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    Understanding your worry...
    You may want to lay off the alcohol and weed for sure, it definitely has an effect and only adds to the problem... both kill off and/or lowers the males' sprem count.
    I somewhat will question your doctor's opinion... and obtain a new one or and see a "male Urologist". There is something wrong or the on set of something to come. Beware. Give it your best attention medically.

    Be Safe & Be Careful!:wink:
    Whopper-lee

    "Let not the young be misled... for common sense is not so common, if not done nor said."
     
  10. stretcher74

    stretcher74 New Member

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    freshman age 66 ?
     
  11. hunginbklyn

    hunginbklyn New Member

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    Hi Dude,

    First, if you explain to your doctor in the same detail you explained to us in your post, he should not minimize this issue by saying "you're too young, blah, blah, blah ...". If you explain all the details to him the way you did to us and he/she reacts that way then find another doctor.

    Someone mentioned a urologist. This is a good idea. You may have an issue with the valve that closes and keeps blood in the penis. Have you ever had any kind of trauma to your balls, i.e. kicked really hard or fell and landed on something? You may have broken your valve (sorry for the non-medical terms).

    Second, if you've been totally honest and your doc has fully evaluated your equipment and nothing is physically wrong, then you need to get into therapy and find out why you are so averse to your sexuality. Have you been sexually abused?

    In case you're not getting my hints, being honest with your docs about EVERYTHING is crucial if you are to get an answer to this. It's easier to post to a bunch of strangers, but we can't help you. Talk honestly with your doc or a new doc and get some help.
     
  12. B_kenetik

    B_kenetik New Member

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    Weird, good luck.
     
  13. mordecai17

    mordecai17 New Member

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    thanks for all of the thoughtful replies, guys, I appreciate it. I've never exactly had trauma, though sometimes I do think on the fact that from the age of about 12-15 I was a pretty big bike rider. I mean, not a professional or anything, but I would bike probably 20-30 minutes a day. I have heard of some instances of bicyling causes erectile dysfunction, but it always seems to be a very temporary thing. If that's what's causing all of this then that really sucks.
     
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