My sex drive is way higher then my mans, this sucks.

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by D_Hillary_Clitton, Nov 6, 2010.

  1. D_Hillary_Clitton

    D_Hillary_Clitton Account Disabled

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    SO,

    I have been seeing a wonderful guy for about 9 months, we had known each other for about 10 years, and have been good friends for about 5 years. The relationSHIT I left before hooking up with Mr. Wonderful was not so great, I was with my ex for 8 years, and ended up with guilt and resentment. Because of how not-good my previous relationship was, I think it was mental blocking me from enjoying sex fully. I can't remember one time in my past that I ever experienced a true internal orgasm given to me by my partner... And, coincidentally, as soon as I became comfortable with my new Mr. Wonderful, I started having them all the time... The reason I explained this background is because I'm not sure if my semi-sex addiction is due to the fact that sex with my new guy makes me feel things I never have? But on the other end of the spectrum, here's what is driving me crazy about my current situation:

    -I hate to complain, because I do have almost sex everyday, I just feel like I'm always the one initiating it.
    -I wish we could just have a day of sexy-time, but I feel like this is completely out of the question because he seems uninterested.
    -I have never had an issue with making a man rock hard(and staying that way) before I was with my new guy, now it seems like I have to put in a lot of effort to achieve this. I know I don't have the most smokin' body of all time, but I know how to work what I've got and I know I'm sexy... As you can imagine, this situation makes me feel very NOT sexy.
    -We have got into arguments about how he sometimes "feels like a piece of meat". Should I back off from the everyday sex in order to rev up his sex drive?
    -Normally, when I get dressed up either in a sexual manner or just to go out to dinner, men I've been with seem to be all over me, new guy seems to care less.
    -He was raised Catholic, and although he is not religious now and is very comfortable publicly with sexual things, in the bedroom he seems not to be. He rarely makes noise and is not quite into some of the kinkier stuff I am. This could be due to lack of experience, but it makes me feel like I can't approach him to do certain things.

    To sum it up, I am just wondering which one of us is abnormal? Should a man in his 20's seem so disinterested in sex? Or am I just a mini-sex addict and am being too hard on him? Or both? Overall, he is a great lover and he makes me feel very good, but I hate not being able to be my full, horny self around him in order to spare his feelings.
     
  2. HiddenLacey

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    Have you always been the one to initiate sex? He may simply have a lower sex drive than you do?
     
  3. D_Hillary_Clitton

    D_Hillary_Clitton Account Disabled

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    Hmm not ALWAYS, like when we first started having sex, he seemed really into it, but I think that's because he had gone without for 5 months haha. It's not like he isn't loving or affectionate, he's just a bit subdued when it comes to sex... Like he doesn't ravage me or get really passionate. I don't know, I suppose his sex drive is just lower than mine, it's just something I'm not quite used to yet.
     
  4. shr1125

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    Does he watch alot of porn that you're aware of?
     
  5. HiddenLacey

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    I wouldn't say either of you are abnormal, just different. If your not happy with it all you can do is talk to him about it and decide if this is making you unhappy to the point that you are not interested in being with him because of it.
     
  6. D_Hillary_Clitton

    D_Hillary_Clitton Account Disabled

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    Well if it starts to become a giant thorn in my brain, I will definitely bring it up with him. As far as I know, he isn't into a lot of porn. I think I have more porn than he does haha. I know he uses it occasionally because I will see it on his computer, but I don't think he's a porn fiend or anything.
     
  7. bid6555

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    Give him some time to initiate sex. If you guys are having sex everyday and you always get it started when does he have time to? Cut him off for a few days, or tease him a little. Send him an email while he is at work telling him all of the nasty stuff you are going to do to him, but when he gets home act like you are not in the mood. We can't make our moves if we are already on top of you.

    WR
     
  8. Kotchanski

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    Guys seem to want it more when they don't think they have it on tap...

    It's a bit like when you're feeling really sick, don't want anything to eat but you know you have to or you'll just get worse. You spend hours trying to think of something you want, only to settle on something you don't have and can't get right then.

    Back off a bit, but not to the point of being cold and distant towards him and wait until he makes the move. If his drive is lower than yours, even by a small amount, he could end feeling like it's more of a chore than anything else if he knows you're going to be making the moves each and every night.

    Just let him be the one to start it, even if it takes a week or more...
     
  9. D_Hillary_Clitton

    D_Hillary_Clitton Account Disabled

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    Yeah I think I will just have to learn that thing called PATIENCE. :D Thanks for all the advice.
     
  10. Hardballin

    Hardballin New Member

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    i been in same situation, i could not do that... she was the cold distant one, and i waited a week before i just "jumped" her again and then she was into it.. terrible honestly and i felt dirty every time.. i feel her pain, and i think its bad to "do it back to him" because he is doing it to you, you will not feel any better. I TRIED IT... :(
     
  11. bid6555

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    Hardballin I think you are way off. I was in a similar situation as the OP mentions. The girl was riding my cock all of the time. I mean I would wake up with her riding it. She would start sucking it while I was sleeping, ect. Sounds great, but after some time it get a little old, and I certainly had no time to show her I was interested. I was drained dry. If the OP backs off and he does not make any moves in a week or two then there may be a problem, but I suspect he will.

    WR
     
  12. Hardballin

    Hardballin New Member

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    well i am going from my a guy view.. my lady did not budge. she didnt show me more attention because i was showing her less, she didnt really care, maybe thats what it came down to in my situation so hell, i guess it doesnt hurt to try, but she is going to hate it, i did. i felt myself pushing back my needs and no matter waht you say, when u do that u lose some of ur sex drive urself, u make ur body adapt, i felt my sex drive just diminishing in that week not being able to have sex. so i hope that doesn't happen either. who knows.
     
  13. honeydew

    honeydew New Member

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    I hope for her sake he does. I was in a marriage that sounds very similar. It NEVER changed. I went months waiting on him to initiate or show interest. His idea of foreplay eventually was to grab my butt or breast while in bed and ask for some. Yeah, that got me going...NOT!!!
     
  14. Hardballin

    Hardballin New Member

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    lol!! wow.. i did not know women went through this, i thought this was a guy issue.. this sounds like my situation. i don't know how you guys do it!! it sucked never once ever being jumped on, always me doing it, felt wrong after a while, and put me in a strange state of mind, like i was a horny no good low life of a guy, i hate to say that, but i felt it after looking back on how i had to get sex!

    question did you ever get the "please no, not right now" ? that hurts heh
     
  15. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    Yeah, don't initiate every day. IMHO, sex is better with a couple days of desire built up in between anyways.
     
  16. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

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    Maybe getting it everyday makes him not feel like being overly passionate? Like, he knows it's coming, no need to rip her clothes off. Maybe take a break, you can still have cuddle time, even masturbation. But possibly laying off the sex will help him feel that overwhelming desire again.
     
  17. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

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    Maybe lowering the sex drive is a good thing sometimes. If it's to high, making you wear out your partner or look to cheat then you do need to get it under control. I know at this site having a huge sex drive and wanting to fuck all day every day is really appealing. But it's not really a good way to live your life, it can become an obsession and no one wants that.
     
  18. petite

    petite New Member

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    I've been in a few relationships where I had the higher sex drive. People have different levels of sexual desire. It doesn't mean that one of you is abnormal. You may simply be incompatible in that way.

    I am very sad to report that nothing ever changed in any of those relationships, and I tried a lot of different tactics. Nothing I did made those men desire sex more frequently. They were stuck at the level they were at, and so was I.

    The only one I was in a long term relationship with, I think I could have lived with the differences in our sex drives if the other problems could have been worked out, because the good parts of that relationship were just so good and so satisfying. We regularly had sex 3x a week, and I think that would have been enough for me, but only because of how good the companionship aspect of our relationship was. When I broke up with him, it was over a serious issue unrelated to sex.

    I'm not saying that your guy is like any of them, but just know that it's a possibility that you can't change how frequently he wants to have sex with you, or his sexual tastes, or anything else, and that doesn't make either of you abnormal, just different from one another.
     
  19. D_Hillary_Clitton

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    He has explained it to me as "getting too much of a good thing", and therefore it meaning less since it happens so frequently, and I can respect that. Also, I think I tend to look at sex differently than he does, as it is kind of an addiction for me. I can usually control it, but as most women know and most men have experienced, the period of time surrounding, well, a woman's PERIOD, is usually her horniest. That's where I am now, so I think his not-so aggressive sexual behavior really gets to me around this time because I'm feeling a bit self conscious and very horny(bad combination). And, funny enough, last night he did initiate and it was very good haha. All I had to do was just be a little less all over him than normal. So that advice from before worked great. Mostly, I think it's just hard for me to get used to being with a relatively new person when before I was with this BF, I was with my ex for 8 years. Being practically married to someone for nearly a decade messes with your sense of what "normal" is.
     
  20. blutrane

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    I dated a catholic for several years, and while she was he most passionate lover I've been with to date, she had extreme guilt issues when it came to expressing herself sexually. I never got to fully resolve this with her, but I always had the feeling that her conscience was constantly grappling with her desire. Reading your post, it reminds me a lot of my issues with her. Even if he isn't religious anymore, there's something to be said about the influence of a strong catholic upbringing. Without confronting something like this between the two of you, it can end the relationship if left unchecked for too long.
     
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