My sex drive is way higher then my mans, this sucks.

[gunnaknow]

Get your man aphrodisiac supplements like L-arginine/AAKG and horny goatweed.

 

[Charlie14]

I can't relate to this at all.. the more I have sex the more I want it. I wonder if he has some negative association with sex?

 

[Hardballin]

I can't relate to this at all.. the more I have sex the more I want it. I wonder if he has some negative association with sex?

that is how i was, when i was away from her i settled but around her, it was go time, and for her, it was not go time, it was chill relax time all the time. .dislike!

so i hope men out there unless their junk is going to fall off or the are dried out have some kind of other issue why they dont have sex, u have to dig deeper.

 

[D_Hillary_Clitton]

I'm sure it has to do with the Catholic brain washing somewhat, that and he isn't very experienced yet and not super comfortable with his sexuality. He is slowly becoming more accustomed to dirtier things though. But, like Blutrane experienced, he is very loving and passionate so that is a plus. AND I am totally buying him some vitamin supplements that help sex drive a tad He is not one for vegetable consumption, so he needs them anyhow.

 

[Kotchanski]

If it helps at all, my husband and I are completely incompatible when it comes to how often we want it. We couldn't be further from each other if we tried.

We've been together for 9 years now, and though it has been a problem, a little holding back from one side and a little more effort from the other and we're still as good as we were when we first got together.

It all comes down to finding the balance, so that no one side is being "put upon" more than the other. You don't want to be waiting weeks when you want it daily, but he doesn't want to feel pushed into doing it daily when once a month is enough.

As you said, you want it more during/around the time of your period, if you could explain to him that it helps with the moods and feelings of self-consciousness around that time and have him put in a bit more effort then, you could take a step back a bit during the other times...

Just don't go as far as to suggest a schedule - He'll end up feeling like you should be paying him for it :wink:

 

[D_Hillary_Clitton]

Good to know that you guys are able to work through that stuff after 9 years, that gives me hope hehe! Thank you!

 

[RawDog]

I wouldn't say either of you are abnormal, just different. If your not happy with it all you can do is talk to him about it and decide if this is making you unhappy to the point that you are not interested in being with him because of it.

Fucking helluva good piece of advice.

 

[blutrane]

I'm sure it has to do with the Catholic brain washing somewhat, that and he isn't very experienced yet and not super comfortable with his sexuality. He is slowly becoming more accustomed to dirtier things though.

This is an extremely important detail. If he's less experienced, you have to give him time. Ease him into sex. Be intimate. Guys do actually want intimacy as well. It's my personal favorite thing, although I know I'm not average. The first girl I had sex with was like you, insatiable. I'm that way too, but I need to be brought there. She wanted it hard all the time, but I wanted to ease into things and get into the mood.

What I'm saying is that you need to open him up. He needs to be comfortable with himself before he can be comfortable with you.

 

[marriedasian]

i think you two just need to openly talk about it and work out a compromise. you have your reasons for being overly sexed and he has his for being under. put it out in the open and work through it.

 

[kundalinikat]

. . . I'm always the one initiating it.
. . . he seems uninterested.
. . . I have to put in a lot of effort to achieve this.
. . . he sometimes "feels like a piece of meat".
-Normally, when I get dressed up either in a sexual manner or just to go out to dinner, men I've been with seem to be all over me, new guy seems to care less.
. . . (he) is very comfortable publicly with sexual things, in the bedroom he seems not to be. He rarely makes noise and is not quite into some of the kinkier stuff . . .

. . . am I just a mini-sex addict and am being too hard on him? . . . I hate not being able to be my full, horny self . . .

Good Lord, stop sparing this man's feelings! If you need further dicking you should find a second lover. With the first one's consent of course. Or not.

For him it is not about too much sex, he likely isn't feeling as emotionally close. He feels like a piece of meat, who isn't attached to you in public, but isn't comfortable in bed, and he feels like you keep using his body. The problem is that, hey, bodies are fun and awesome and you want all those hot orgasms that you were missing out on. I can tell you that if you admit to yourself that sex is quite important to you, it becomes harder to withstand being with someone who isn't as sexual as you. Frankly if you're missing it that much, there's NO shortage of men starving for it

 

[B_subgirrl]

I was in a similar situation with my ex. The sex was good (although not as often as I'd like) in the beginning. Then it started to get less and less. He NEVER initiated. EVER. Once I got depression, I didn't really want to initiate any more. It made me feel bad every time he turned me down. So I stopped initiating. And we didn't have sex any more. At all. During the last 6 months of our relationship we had sex twice. When we broke up it had been 3 months since we'd had sex.

So I really do get where you're coming from. It seems to me that you guys just have very different sex drives. My advice: you need to decide if a lack of sex is a deal breaker for you, because if your relationship is anything like mine was with my ex, things are unlikely to change. If you do decide to accept that you have different sex drives and want to stay with him, don't keep bringing it up with him or threatening to dump him because of it. You need to REALLY accept it.

-I have never had an issue with making a man rock hard(and staying that way) before I was with my new guy, now it seems like I have to put in a lot of effort to achieve this. I know I don't have the most smokin' body of all time, but I know how to work what I've got and I know I'm sexy... As you can imagine, this situation makes me feel very NOT sexy.

I had a similar situation. My ex got hard very easily, but didn't feel like sex mentally. And my blowjobs did NOTHING!

-He was raised Catholic, and although he is not religious now and is very comfortable publicly with sexual things, in the bedroom he seems not to be. He rarely makes noise and is not quite into some of the kinkier stuff I am. This could be due to lack of experience, but it makes me feel like I can't approach him to do certain things.

Interestingly, my ex was a lapsed Catholic as well.

To sum it up, I am just wondering which one of us is abnormal? Should a man in his 20's seem so disinterested in sex? Or am I just a mini-sex addict and am being too hard on him? Or both?

I'm guessing the answer is neither. You are probably both well within the range of normal, you're just a mismatch.

 

[B_subgirrl]

And why the fuck couldn't he just use his damn fingers and give me an orgasm if he didn't feel like sex?!?!?


Sorry, I was just having a bit of a moment :redface:

 

[petite]

subgirrl brought up a point that I left out in my previous post. In my LTR with the guy who had a lower sex drive than me, it did negatively affect my self esteem and my self-image, and I often wondered if I stopped initiating sex if we would never have sex again. He was also not into receiving blowjobs either. While we regularly had sex 2-3 times per week, it was without any creativity, and always in the missionary position. It was less than ideal.

I think I did blame myself for his lack of attraction for me, or else it would not have made me feel so bad, so unattractive. I would have been better off if I realized and accepted that he just had a lower sex drive than me, and that had nothing to do with me personally.

Like subgirrl said so well, you do have to decide if the companionship aspects make up for what's lacking in the bedroom.



Since we're making comparisons, my guy had grown up in a household that was completely secular, although I suspect that he still suffered from serious guilt issues anyway. Looking back, I believe that he had actual hangups that would have required a qualified sex therapist for him to get past.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Looking back, I believe that he had actual hangups that would have required a qualified sex therapist for him to get past.

Mine couldn't even cum during sex. I think his problems were due to a combination of Catholic guilt and a fear of losing control. A sex therapist could possibly have helped.

During the relationship, I blamed myself a lot. I thought I was unattractive, with no bedroom skills, and with an abnormally high sex drive. In retrospect, none of that was particularly true. Well, my sex drive may have been abnormal, but not in a negative way.

And I just realised I used the word 'problems' in relation to him. So maybe in my heart of hearts, I don't REALLY feel that he was 'normal' :redface:

 

[petite]

Mine couldn't even cum during sex.

And I just realised I used the word 'problems' in relation to him. So maybe in my heart of hearts, I don't REALLY feel that he was 'normal' :redface:

The not cumming thing is just weird! It's only not weird if he's on antidepressants, and I remember that you said that he wasn't on any.

It's not that I think my guy was "normal" exactly, but when I think about it, I think that there are probably a lot of guys who are like him, with the same lack of desire for frequent sex or lots of experimentation or variety in the bedroom. I've dated THREE of them after all. I guess I think that sexual hangups ARE normal, to some degree. It seems like people who don't have sexual hangups are the unique ones.

 

[B_subgirrl]

The not cumming thing is just weird!

Tell me about it!

It's only not weird if he's on antidepressants, and I remember that you said that he wasn't on any.

Good remembering! He wasn't. Nor was he on anything else.

 

[Hardballin]

wow. this is a learning experience thread. my girlfriend never initiated sex and i brought it up to her, she also never touched me or if she did, very little.. I also brought that up to her, pushing her, like come on whats wrong?? and i think this made it worse.

i told her how it was good but sometimes no passion made me feel bad, and useless.. I told her how I felt and she said that she feels terrible that she was not good at it. and I said you are, you just seem like you are not into anything, i felt like i "forced" her into every position andfor her to touch me was a miracle. I felt terrible, my ego everything was so low. i am actually forcing myself to stop thinking about it with her when im around her because the last 5x we hanged out, we had a quickie and she was not into it.

the relationship is rocky right now, and we have not seen or done anything for 2 weeks until she comes around, the last convo was about a night I left with no sex after I sex txt'ed her all day, i basically said next day, why did you ignore me, was it me or the mood, she just said I was not thinking about it while i was with you at all. i said what about the txt's? she said wht about them? and of course i was like uhmm and said what was on my mind about that, obvious...

if i do go back, how did u girls go about asking them for more sex without getting them mad? i think i did it wrong.

 

[B_New End]

The not cumming thing is just weird!

I know lots of guys that cannot. I mean 5. 3 of which have confided to me they have this problem. (the other two confided to my close friend they had the same problem) Funnily, this is about half of my friends!

It becomes an anxiety thing too. I empathize with them because I am bladder shy if I am not drunk. So I know what it feels like to have a mental block, even though you want perform a biological function really bad.

One is a close friend, and he actually fakes orgasms. Can you imagine the anxiety of being a man faking orgasms? He has been with his g/f (hot!!) for about 2 months now. After 3 weeks he hadn't yet, and I'd bet he still hasn't. Frankly, I think he knows it is only a matter of time until she leaves him, which is sad because he is one of my favorite people, and frankly a hopeless romantic, real sweet guy.

All five of these men were or are heavy drinkers. 4 of them also have a history of heavy drug abuse, and two of them are current drug users. (more than marijuana). Although my close friend (the O faker) only drinks.

I also had a friend that told me her b/f at the time could only get off by jerking himself off. She could never get him off.

 

[B_subgirrl]

if i do go back, how did u girls go about asking them for more sex without getting them mad? i think i did it wrong.

I never actually confronted the issue head on. In retrospect, maybe I should have. I might have got better results if I had.

I know lots of guys that cannot. I mean 5. 3 of which have confided to me they have this problem. (the other two confided to my close friend they had the same problem) Funnily, this is about half of my friends!

Wow, it's more common than I thought!

Frankly, I think he knows it is only a matter of time until she leaves him, which is sad because he is one of my favorite people, and frankly a hopeless romantic, real sweet guy.

I think this is really sad. Do you really think she would leave him just because he can't cum? If my ex had enjoyed sex and wanted to engage in it more often, it probably wouldn't have bothered me too much if he didn't cum (as long as it didn't bother him). In fact it DIDN'T bother me early on when we were still having sex fairly regularly.

All five of these men were or are heavy drinkers. 4 of them also have a history of heavy drug abuse, and two of them are current drug users. (more than marijuana). Although my close friend (the O faker) only drinks.

Ah, see this might explain things with your friends. My ex didn't even drink very often, let alone take other drugs.

 

[RawDog]

Wow, it's more common than I thought!

Actually, I get this if we have sex more than once in a 24 hour period. My first orgasm comes normally around 15 minutes if I hadn't ejaculated in a few days. If we have sex 2 hours later, forget about me cumming again. I can go and go and go and never cum. Sometimes the sex is actually better and more intense when I'm in perma-hard mode.