i am 43, i have done very little with my life.my mum calls me a failure or a dissapointment to her. she says i need to get a life she knows im so fed up
i admit my life has gone bad on me , im very lonely, i have been depressed for
years. i take anti depressants but they do nothing. the problem is me , i have
slowly started to rot, i have no friends , the ones i had have all done things with
their lives (got girls houses cars jobs some have kids)
I am a loner.i am male. i live with my mother who is 63.i just have no confidence
i have suffered from shyness for years, i do have social problems, i have low self
esteem, i am sad,unhappy,depressed,i hate myself, i hate my life as it is now.
the loneliness hurts , trust me it does. when i see happy couples in public kiss or
hold hands i feel upset and jealous.
it goes back to when i was 13, my father left my mother me and my little brother.
i needed a father figure at an important time in my life -puberty exams teenage stuff. we had not much money, my exam results were not great it affected me not having a father at home with me.
so i got to 20 i had no idea what i wanted to do with my life.i went out with my
best friend from school we went to pubs and bars to try and talk to women.
but i had no confidence i was painfully shy my self esteem was low i had social
problems i found it hard talking to strangers or meeting new people.
so my life went on , i got a rubbish job in a male dominated environment which didnt help me either . i got to 30 i was still a virgin. i liked women im
sure i did but i couldnt talk to them plus i had no confidence in myself.
so at 30 the depression really started. i was lonely. a virgin. i had never seen
a naked woman in my life other than on the tv or in a magazine.
so i started questioning my sexuality because i had never had a girlfriend.
i was lost and lonely, gays were coming out in the papers , 1998 george michael 1999 steven gately 2000 dale winton but i found women attractive,
yet my lack of confidence in my self and my sexual status (zero) confused me
i was doubting my sexuality i was so confused who i was and what i was.
i was sexually frustrated but i had never been attracted to men sexually.
in 2001 this confusion,gayness continued big brother cliff elton john reg kray
michael barrymore all came out as gay. i was a virgin could i be gay too?
that year at last i had a bit of luck, a pretty young mixed race girl came to work with me. we got on well and started dating.she became girlfriend number 1!!
at last at the age of 31 i was going to become a man and finally have sex.
but sadly i was so nervous i did not know what to do with her!!!
we went to her mums , we slept together, she lay there, her legs were open,
any man would know what to do next yes?
but i never had sex in my life , i was under pressure, i was nervous. i had trouble getting erections i could not ejaculate, we went out for 4 months and split up.we never really had sex properly so my virginity remained.
2002 will young big brother fashanu all gay stuff im celibate
2003 big brother ron davis gay stuff im celibate.
2004 spencer elton gay stuff im celibate.
2005 guy little britain gay .
so onto 2005 , i am now 35 years old.My younger brother has became a dad.
i was however celibate, confused,frustrated,lonely, my head was full of doubt
who was i what was i? why could i not perform with that Girl in 2001?
through my crappy job i meet girlfriend number 2. in late 2005.
she is 23 i am 35. i take her home when my mom goes out as i live at home
but my sexual problems remain, she is only the second girl in my life i have
ever been with,we try and do it, but i have all that gay stuff in my head plus
i have the memories of my sexual failures from 4 years earlier.
and again i cant perform properly.i am nervous, i am shy, inexperienced.
i have erection problems i cant ejaculate i am not comfortable its a shambles.
we go out for 6 months and we split up, but shes a nice girl who was sweet about it.most girls would put you down.
so where does this leave me now?
well i dont know. i have not had a girlfriend since girl number 2, 7 years ago!!!
7 whole years, yes im sexually frustrated beyond belief.i have been with a couple of prostitutes but that was cold and again i had problems performing.
so yes at the age of 43 im technically still a virgin, i am scared. im sure that
gay stuff in my head has gone. i find women attractive sexually. men i do not.
i just wish i knew what this mental block was what i have , i want to be happy
i want to find love i want to enjoy sex just like any other adult but what is my
problem??
some guys i will say are good looking but i do not look at men sexually.
please tell me what to do, i have carried this around for far too long i dont want to die like this i want to find happiness so much please help me please.
i admit my life has gone bad on me , im very lonely, i have been depressed for
years. i take anti depressants but they do nothing. the problem is me , i have
slowly started to rot, i have no friends , the ones i had have all done things with
their lives (got girls houses cars jobs some have kids)
I am a loner.i am male. i live with my mother who is 63.i just have no confidence
i have suffered from shyness for years, i do have social problems, i have low self
esteem, i am sad,unhappy,depressed,i hate myself, i hate my life as it is now.
the loneliness hurts , trust me it does. when i see happy couples in public kiss or
hold hands i feel upset and jealous.
it goes back to when i was 13, my father left my mother me and my little brother.
i needed a father figure at an important time in my life -puberty exams teenage stuff. we had not much money, my exam results were not great it affected me not having a father at home with me.
so i got to 20 i had no idea what i wanted to do with my life.i went out with my
best friend from school we went to pubs and bars to try and talk to women.
but i had no confidence i was painfully shy my self esteem was low i had social
problems i found it hard talking to strangers or meeting new people.
so my life went on , i got a rubbish job in a male dominated environment which didnt help me either . i got to 30 i was still a virgin. i liked women im
sure i did but i couldnt talk to them plus i had no confidence in myself.
so at 30 the depression really started. i was lonely. a virgin. i had never seen
a naked woman in my life other than on the tv or in a magazine.
so i started questioning my sexuality because i had never had a girlfriend.
i was lost and lonely, gays were coming out in the papers , 1998 george michael 1999 steven gately 2000 dale winton but i found women attractive,
yet my lack of confidence in my self and my sexual status (zero) confused me
i was doubting my sexuality i was so confused who i was and what i was.
i was sexually frustrated but i had never been attracted to men sexually.
in 2001 this confusion,gayness continued big brother cliff elton john reg kray
michael barrymore all came out as gay. i was a virgin could i be gay too?
that year at last i had a bit of luck, a pretty young mixed race girl came to work with me. we got on well and started dating.she became girlfriend number 1!!
at last at the age of 31 i was going to become a man and finally have sex.
but sadly i was so nervous i did not know what to do with her!!!
we went to her mums , we slept together, she lay there, her legs were open,
any man would know what to do next yes?
but i never had sex in my life , i was under pressure, i was nervous. i had trouble getting erections i could not ejaculate, we went out for 4 months and split up.we never really had sex properly so my virginity remained.
2002 will young big brother fashanu all gay stuff im celibate
2003 big brother ron davis gay stuff im celibate.
2004 spencer elton gay stuff im celibate.
2005 guy little britain gay .
so onto 2005 , i am now 35 years old.My younger brother has became a dad.
i was however celibate, confused,frustrated,lonely, my head was full of doubt
who was i what was i? why could i not perform with that Girl in 2001?
through my crappy job i meet girlfriend number 2. in late 2005.
she is 23 i am 35. i take her home when my mom goes out as i live at home
but my sexual problems remain, she is only the second girl in my life i have
ever been with,we try and do it, but i have all that gay stuff in my head plus
i have the memories of my sexual failures from 4 years earlier.
and again i cant perform properly.i am nervous, i am shy, inexperienced.
i have erection problems i cant ejaculate i am not comfortable its a shambles.
we go out for 6 months and we split up, but shes a nice girl who was sweet about it.most girls would put you down.
so where does this leave me now?
well i dont know. i have not had a girlfriend since girl number 2, 7 years ago!!!
7 whole years, yes im sexually frustrated beyond belief.i have been with a couple of prostitutes but that was cold and again i had problems performing.
so yes at the age of 43 im technically still a virgin, i am scared. im sure that
gay stuff in my head has gone. i find women attractive sexually. men i do not.
i just wish i knew what this mental block was what i have , i want to be happy
i want to find love i want to enjoy sex just like any other adult but what is my
problem??
some guys i will say are good looking but i do not look at men sexually.
please tell me what to do, i have carried this around for far too long i dont want to die like this i want to find happiness so much please help me please.