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Hey guys! Ok, so this is a pretty serious thread and the first time I’m actually typing it out asking for opinions.
I am a 35 year old gay male and I live in NJ. About 10 years ago, I had a couple sugar daddies to which I flew out to them, spent about a week with a couple of them(two weeks in Sydney once) and had some great times. I always dictated the terms even though the ‘sugar daddy’ usually wants to but I’m not going to be used for sex, I’m just not that type of guy. 8 years ago I was talking to this guy in Florida. We talked a couple months on the phone because I was hesitant about going there after researching his name, I found some red flags. I asked him about these things that happened years prior and he explained them to me...call me naive, I probably was but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Flew down there and it was miserable! He was still this alcoholic, Xanax needing prick that was into the same routine daily; wake up, get breakfast, go to Walgreens to get liquor, drink, lunch, nap, drink, dinner, drink some more. It was January so I decided I’d rather have the weather in Florida for a week than the weather in Jersey and tough it out. I don’t want to make this too long but the night before I was supposed to leave, we had a heated argument. I called the cops and the ‘sugar daddy’ was furious (he was 55 I think at the time). He said ‘you think you’re going to get away with this and make me look like a fool in front of my town and the cops who know me?’ I talked with the cop, went straight to the spare room I was staying in and shut the door. I heard him making noise in the garage where he kept his Xanax in a safe so I assumed the asshole was going to take a xan and pass out. Next thing I know I hear him walking down the hallway, coming up to my door and opening it. He had a gun in his hand and I was so scared (mainly because he was so drunk and xanied up I was afraid he could have accidentally pulled the trigger.) He told me to take off all my clothes and proceeded to rape me at gunpoint as he was complaining about what had just occurred with the police. I was focused on the gun trying to not be pointed at my head and I was begging him to put the gun down and I would still do anything he asked. Nothing worked. After he was finished he let go of the gun, I pushed it on the floor and fell on the other side of the bed. He zipped up, got the gun and walked out of the room. My body was in shock and all I could think about was getting out of there. I texted a younger kid I had met that was friends with this guy and asked him if he could take me to the airport ASAP (it was around 3am) and thankfully he agreed. I didn’t know where I was really, so I just wanted to be at the airport even if my plane didn’t take off for 6 more hours.
I got home and was in my bed for a week straight. Crying, not eating, mind racing 1000 miles a minute. Luckily I lived with my parents at the time and I am very close with my mom and she knew something was wrong. I told her. She immediately took me to my local police, I gave a my statement and they worked with the detective down in Florida. The detective called me (he was very nice) and said they have been trying to get this guy for awhile on something and this would have put a nail in his coffin but because I didn’t report it right away, it was going to be a he said/he said game. I have been in and out of intensive outpatient treatment programs (IOP’s), had many psychiatrists, a couple times to crisis after thoughts of suicide and a ton of therapy and nothing has helped. I am basically a hermit, afraid of going out of my comfort zone. This man turned my world upside down; I graduated from college, had personal goals and the works; for all these years, there isn’t a day that goes by that I didn’t wish him dead. Not that it would change my internal issues but it couldn’t HURT! I am finally, through the state of New Jersey, in a program specifically for rape/sexual assault victims and after a few weeks with an educator, I get to finally meet this demon head on with a counselor. It will be hard and traumatic but I am optimistic this will help.
I wrote this because I have many concerns. I haven’t been with a guy sexually since this happened. I haven’t even wanted to as I’m sure most wouldn’t want to be. I feel awful about myself and the way I look; I gained well over 100 pounds in these years but that is also because I had unsuccessful spine surgery that had left me with a ton of nerve damage so please don’t say ‘use the gym, walk, etc’ because I literally can’t do that. All I have wanted from a guy was someone to cuddle me and just understand what I have been through/am going through. Nobody wants to be with someone with as much baggage as me! Grindr has been horrible to me because I don’t have a six pack and am not looking for sex right away so I end up deleting the app. I have so much anxiety, I mean very intense anxiety which is why I stay within my comfort zones. I know I will be getting at the trauma part of this with a licensed counselor soon, but how can I start to make new friends? I have NONE. After this happened I pushed everyone away from me but it was better off because those people only used me for money anyway. I feel like I can never trust another person again and although I’m optimistic about my therapy upcoming, in the back of my mind I have become accustomed to the fact that this might be how I live the rest of my life.
Sorry for such a long rant, I just wanted to get that off my chest. Anyone who has been in similar situations and wish to not reply in this thread, PM me. Otherwise, please, anyone reply. When I have been horny, which isn’t all that often, I tend to find a straight guy on snapchat and I pay them to jerk off for me...so sad!!!!
I am a 35 year old gay male and I live in NJ. About 10 years ago, I had a couple sugar daddies to which I flew out to them, spent about a week with a couple of them(two weeks in Sydney once) and had some great times. I always dictated the terms even though the ‘sugar daddy’ usually wants to but I’m not going to be used for sex, I’m just not that type of guy. 8 years ago I was talking to this guy in Florida. We talked a couple months on the phone because I was hesitant about going there after researching his name, I found some red flags. I asked him about these things that happened years prior and he explained them to me...call me naive, I probably was but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Flew down there and it was miserable! He was still this alcoholic, Xanax needing prick that was into the same routine daily; wake up, get breakfast, go to Walgreens to get liquor, drink, lunch, nap, drink, dinner, drink some more. It was January so I decided I’d rather have the weather in Florida for a week than the weather in Jersey and tough it out. I don’t want to make this too long but the night before I was supposed to leave, we had a heated argument. I called the cops and the ‘sugar daddy’ was furious (he was 55 I think at the time). He said ‘you think you’re going to get away with this and make me look like a fool in front of my town and the cops who know me?’ I talked with the cop, went straight to the spare room I was staying in and shut the door. I heard him making noise in the garage where he kept his Xanax in a safe so I assumed the asshole was going to take a xan and pass out. Next thing I know I hear him walking down the hallway, coming up to my door and opening it. He had a gun in his hand and I was so scared (mainly because he was so drunk and xanied up I was afraid he could have accidentally pulled the trigger.) He told me to take off all my clothes and proceeded to rape me at gunpoint as he was complaining about what had just occurred with the police. I was focused on the gun trying to not be pointed at my head and I was begging him to put the gun down and I would still do anything he asked. Nothing worked. After he was finished he let go of the gun, I pushed it on the floor and fell on the other side of the bed. He zipped up, got the gun and walked out of the room. My body was in shock and all I could think about was getting out of there. I texted a younger kid I had met that was friends with this guy and asked him if he could take me to the airport ASAP (it was around 3am) and thankfully he agreed. I didn’t know where I was really, so I just wanted to be at the airport even if my plane didn’t take off for 6 more hours.
I got home and was in my bed for a week straight. Crying, not eating, mind racing 1000 miles a minute. Luckily I lived with my parents at the time and I am very close with my mom and she knew something was wrong. I told her. She immediately took me to my local police, I gave a my statement and they worked with the detective down in Florida. The detective called me (he was very nice) and said they have been trying to get this guy for awhile on something and this would have put a nail in his coffin but because I didn’t report it right away, it was going to be a he said/he said game. I have been in and out of intensive outpatient treatment programs (IOP’s), had many psychiatrists, a couple times to crisis after thoughts of suicide and a ton of therapy and nothing has helped. I am basically a hermit, afraid of going out of my comfort zone. This man turned my world upside down; I graduated from college, had personal goals and the works; for all these years, there isn’t a day that goes by that I didn’t wish him dead. Not that it would change my internal issues but it couldn’t HURT! I am finally, through the state of New Jersey, in a program specifically for rape/sexual assault victims and after a few weeks with an educator, I get to finally meet this demon head on with a counselor. It will be hard and traumatic but I am optimistic this will help.
I wrote this because I have many concerns. I haven’t been with a guy sexually since this happened. I haven’t even wanted to as I’m sure most wouldn’t want to be. I feel awful about myself and the way I look; I gained well over 100 pounds in these years but that is also because I had unsuccessful spine surgery that had left me with a ton of nerve damage so please don’t say ‘use the gym, walk, etc’ because I literally can’t do that. All I have wanted from a guy was someone to cuddle me and just understand what I have been through/am going through. Nobody wants to be with someone with as much baggage as me! Grindr has been horrible to me because I don’t have a six pack and am not looking for sex right away so I end up deleting the app. I have so much anxiety, I mean very intense anxiety which is why I stay within my comfort zones. I know I will be getting at the trauma part of this with a licensed counselor soon, but how can I start to make new friends? I have NONE. After this happened I pushed everyone away from me but it was better off because those people only used me for money anyway. I feel like I can never trust another person again and although I’m optimistic about my therapy upcoming, in the back of my mind I have become accustomed to the fact that this might be how I live the rest of my life.
Sorry for such a long rant, I just wanted to get that off my chest. Anyone who has been in similar situations and wish to not reply in this thread, PM me. Otherwise, please, anyone reply. When I have been horny, which isn’t all that often, I tend to find a straight guy on snapchat and I pay them to jerk off for me...so sad!!!!
