My story

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by BigRed8x6, Nov 3, 2006.

  1. BigRed8x6

    BigRed8x6 New Member

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    Hello all,
    I havent been a member long but I would like to share my story or problem or whatever you want to call it. First I love to show off. I am not the biggest, never would say it or claim to be but I love the reaction I get from women when they see me for the first time as im sure everyone else does. It all started about 1995 when I guess I discoverd I had a "big" penis. * side note I didnt really start having sex until I was 25, lost my virginity at 19 but didnt have sex again until 25, another long story * so I never really had any feedback on my size. In 96 I discoverd the internet and online sex chat. This was followed by taking pictures of myself and sending them to a women I was talking to online. The feedback I got from that hooked me. Never had that kind of attention before. This evolved into the online cam. Got even more attention and I guess ego stroking from that. By the time I met my current wife, that was my thing. Show off online and hook up with as many women as I could. Well my gf (wife now 8 years later) said stop it or I am gone. She didnt like me showing to other women. Well I did the right thing and stopped. This was in 98 when I "stopped". I never really got rid of the urge but felt my relationship followed by my marriage were more important. I have slipped a few times over the years and have showed off online. Usually when she would be gone for a few days. I have never cheated on her or really had the desire to cheat, I just like to show off. I should state that she has a total of two times allowed me to show off for her friends, the last time being in 01, which was a complete rush for me. That has since been baned as well. I guess my question for everyone or anyone is what should I do? Does my showing off constitute cheating? Our marriage is in the shitter right now and maybe that is why I am getting the urge again to show off. I get ZERO attention from her and that fact makes it hard for me to generate any romance or basically anything unless Im really horny. Sad yes but that is the state of things. It sucks. It is a good thing Im not any bigger because I WOULD be out there showing it and getting myself into trouble. As I write this one things stands out and the basic fact is I need attention and showing is my way of getting it.

    I will end this book with a thank you for any advice you all can give me. Take care all.
     
  2. B_DarkDexter

    B_DarkDexter New Member

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    Yankees sleep soundly 'cause Kyle's young.
     
  3. Yorkie

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    I wouldn't say that going on websites to get your kicks constitutes cheating,but then I've never been married so maybe I'm not the best person to comment.
    You say your marriage is in trouble right now so doing something your wife really objects to isn't going to help is it?
    You have to choose,would you prefer to be married to your wife or your computer?
     
  4. Gillette

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    Special people like attention, don't lambaste everyone.
     
  5. BigRed8x6

    BigRed8x6 New Member

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    Yorkie you make a valid point and I agree with you. That would be a bad decision. I guess I should have stated that this urge is with me most of the time, even when the marriage was good it was there. I would never choose that over the marriage. There are many questions that come to mind, but one that sticks out is should I bring it up with the wife as something I would like to do and involve her in some way? I dont want it to be viewed as a replacement for our sex life or something I enjoy more than her. Just something I enjoy that i would like to do with her.

    Gillette, what exactly does special people mean? :confused:

    Dark, I have no idea what that means. Probably better that I dont.
     
  6. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Considering that state things are in for you and how much your wife dosent like you really need to curb that urge for a while.. Maybe it is a good idea for the both of you to get marriage counciling. Also away from your wife i would mention to the therapist your urge to show off, there may be a deeper underlying reason of why you like to show off and need that reaction from women.

    Good luck
     
  7. teslapete

    teslapete New Member

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    My opinion is maybe you could try a different version of "showing off". I like to wear boxers instead of briefs, and this allows the cock to "hang" down my leg a little. If worn with pants or jeans that are not too oversized, a nice view of the outline of the cock can be seen. Be prepared to get looks from everyone however, not just women. It can be a turn on if you are brave enough to try it.
     
  8. BigRed8x6

    BigRed8x6 New Member

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    Lee_M I appreciate your comments. I agree we need to fix the marriage first and worry about silly things like this after. I have actually been to a sex therapist for this exact problem. I wanted to show off for her, :biggrin1: she was hot. Anyway we had some good sex this weekend so things are looking better. I know sex isnt the fix all but its a good start IMO. :tongue: Marriage is something you continualy have to work at or it goes south quick. I am going to keep sharing myself on here picture wise but the showing off on cam and in person will take a rest for awhile.

    Thanks to all for the comments.
     
  9. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Wow....That is cool that you are that comfortable showing your goods on webcam....Never really understood that....Hmm but it could be considered unappropriate if you are married in some arenas (especially divorce proceedings)....If you marriage is not on good grounds - don't give your wife ammunition....Sometime urges are hard to resist - so be careful my friend....I also had a long period of time after I lost my virginity till I had sex again but I was way younger....Good luck though....
     
  10. thedude111

    thedude111 New Member

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    It doesn't sound as if you and your wife are very open really. Also, you didn't mention if you show your face for the entire world or a select few women. You two need to sit and talk. The more that people talk and express themselves the closer they allow themselves to be. Many women find and feel unwanted if their man masturbates at all. Let alone in front of someone else. She may feel as if you don't want/need her as much. Even dear Abby wrote on this subject and basicly told women... "men masturbate. It's a part of their life" But it does sound as if you have a problem with your own need to "show off". Alot of us have larger then normal penises. And I don't mean this sarcasticly at all.... But...get over yourself!
     
  11. BigRed8x6

    BigRed8x6 New Member

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    :rolleyes: thedude111; thanks for the comments. I guess my actions would seem to be a bit narcissistic and maybe they are. The simple fact is I like to play, masturbate for, whatever you want to call it, for ladies because they like it. I dont sit in front of a mirror and watch myself jerk it :biggrin1:. I think if I was smaller I would still enjoy doing it just because I like it. Being large just makes it easier to do. From my experience, there are not many women (online anyway) that really like to watch. In person and privately it depends on the woman. My wife does like for me to perform for her occasionally but its not something she asks for. Her biggest issue is she was cheated on by her ex A LOT and that is why I think she doesnt like me doing this, which I can fully understand. If she has some part in it, being the one to suggest that I show off or if she is with me when I do it, then its ok. Its when I dont tell her that the problems begin. Again I fully understand that.

    My overall question here is how do I bring this up without her thinking its something I would rather do than be with her, or have her think Im cheating on her. Its a delicate issue with us that I dont bring up but maybe once every couple of years due to the sensitivity of this subject.

    For the record this isnt something that I am obsessed with or demand to do. More like an urge that comes and goes.

    Again, thanks to all for the comments.
     
  12. Paul Vincent

    Paul Vincent <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

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    I used to do the same thing. I still WOULD but honestly I can't be bothered with the effort of going into chatrooms etc and the possibility that some might be men...or I might actually see a man on cam masturbating a very tiny penis...its actually the reason I stopped.

    But still its hot, especially cam2cam with a hottie from America, especially if she's a dance teacher and as dirty as mud, loves it up the ass more than the pussy etc...

    Anyways, I grew out of it but I have a hot gf now and things. Sure I love to show off, but really only to my gf. It would be hot if she told her friends or her friends wanted to see...or they wanted some group sex...but mainly its a fantasy.

    I think its a common thing to want to show off (at least if you're big), my ex and the people she told didn't seem to understand...I can only assume this is something only hung males would understand?

    If you're not getting it at home, then its not as BAD as cheating but it still isn't GOOD either...maybe try rekindling things with your wife? Or have a good talk and say if you don't make a move on me, you push me away to in front of the cam :tongue: or something...

    Tell her its just another form of masturbation, which it is. Would she be okay with you watching porn? Porn and a girl on cam for you are actually quite similar.

    Anyway, its a two way thing. Ideally you want a relationship where she's fucking you so much and its so good (as is le lurve et al) that you forget what computer is or how to even switch one on.

    You should have a talk about what you're happy/unhappy with and come to some arrangement. Good luck!
     
  13. SilverSoldier

    SilverSoldier New Member

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    I think "cheating" depends on what the two of you agree on. However, if she thinks showing is cheating then you're not going to change her mind, and she WILL feel you cheat on her.

    I also feel, and I say this with a little empathy, that you are an addict to webcamming and showing. I can say that, because I have been there, to a degree myself. You're self worth, need for honest affection and attention from your mate is being replaced by a slutty, sleezy rush. That's blunt, but I think it's true.

    In order to break this cycle and not fuel your addiction, you probably do need to stop the camming and showing--if you intend to save your marriage. And you have to realize that if you don't save this one, you probably won't save another one, if you continue camming and showing. Most women just won't allow it. Once they know you are theirs, that's it.

    I find that any addiction can be replaced in time (that's the key here) with healthier things. You are missing a good, fulfilling relationship with your wife. That should be your focus, not camming. But it does take two to make it work. It also takes time to break an addiction. The liklihood of you going "cold turkey" and not having any setbacks (you admitted to a few) is highly unlikely. But this is where the good part of guilt comes in.

    In those rare cases, guilt will cause us to rise above what we don't like about ourselves, and push a little higher. If you have no guilt about camming, then that's another issue, and you will be fighting your wife permanently about the subject.

    Those are my thoughts, such as they are. I certainly wish you the best as you work through your feelings on this one.
     
  14. BigRed8x6

    BigRed8x6 New Member

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    You are correct on a number of things here. I was "addicted" to the rush I get when I show, this was more when I first started about ten years ago. Now its more of a novelty and sometimes an urge that is really hard to resist. So I fight it as best I can and move on.


    I appreciate all the good advice and think I will close this post with a big thanks to all that commented. All of you have given me a lot to think about and ponder what I will do with the next urge that comes up (no pun intended). I guess my next question is posting pics on here bad;)
     
  15. Peter Pud

    Peter Pud New Member

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    Posting pics on this site when the marriage is onthe rocks and the wife dosent approve is definetly bad . The more attention you give to your wife the more you will get. She needs loved not just fucked. People need loved the most when they are the least loveable
     
  16. Gillette

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    Sorry, BigRed, that wasn't directed at you, but at DarkDexter.
    For that matter, don't bother decyphering his post either. PM me if you want the inside joke, but it's pretty boring.
     
  17. rob_just_rob

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    Ah. Spladle returns to be banned again.

    I had no idea this place was so addictive says the guy with 1200-odd posts.
     
  18. BigRed8x6

    BigRed8x6 New Member

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    How true that is and how hard it is to do. Dont get me wrong I love my wife and wouldnt do anything to screw up my marriage on purpose. I guess my actions could be read as screwing it up already. Wow this is an endless circle to which the answer is put it in my pants and save the showing off for my wife. :shrug:

    Again thanks to all.
     
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