my ummm boyfriend. i need advice

[Hope1essRomant1c]

hey guys, i have recently posted about how lucky i am to have found a boyfriend who cares about me and all that jazz but i am even more conflicted now. i somewhat feel like there is no spark or that maybe i might actually be fully straight, or might be bending over to social pressure. i don't wanna lose this guy in the event that i might be in a delusional state because if i actually turn out to be gay i would still want him to be there for me. and i'm not about to ask him to wait for me while i go through this issue. another issue that arises is that lately i have been having a lot of wet dreams lately and they are all straight dreams. but, i still don't mind watching gay porn. i can't truly say i'm not straight though i don't think because i have never even been with a woman yet. all my experiences have been with men. another thing i take into account is that he currently lives 4 hours drive away from me and he said he would move to my area soon, but because he is having money troubles he said that if he moves here he would live in a support shelter type place. and it's not that i don't wanna date him cuz he's poor cuz that is just downright cruel. i don't wanna make him move here if it means he will go through such awful times of living in a support shelter. i don't know what to do. do i break it off?? do i stay in the relationship?? am i actually gay??? am i straight???? i am sooooo confused. i need all the help in the world.

 

[dude_007]

If there is no spark right now, then just tell this to your ummm boyfriend. Communication is the best way to keep any kind of relationship you value. Let him know you aren't ready to get serious and that moving to be with you is not the best option right now, because if he does and is living on the streets or in a shelter, then that is going to put strain on any relationship.

As for being gay or straight or bisexual, only you can answer that and only time will tell.

That is my POV at least

 

[dude_007]

Also, if you're going to stay with someone who you do not have a spark with because of fear of being alone afterward, that is a form of manipulation because you are hiding the truth of your feelings to get what you want.

 

[slate_australis]

How old are you?

 

[Hope1essRomant1c]

How old are you?

i'm 19.

 

[aninnymouse]

If you're not feeling it, don't do it. It obviously seems like things aren't working out for him to come and move close to you. You're ambivalent about being with him. It sounds like a recipe for disaster.

It sounds like at 19, you're not ready for a serious relationship, and this will be a mistake the both of you will regret....I'd think twice about doing this.

 

[Sagecucumber]

I don't really believe in bisexuality, at least not in the sense most people think of it. I think some people are very open-minded and through life experience they can sexualize certain things. So, by my way of thinking, you could be an open minded guy who happened upon a sexual relationship with a guy at a young age. You then sexualized gay sex and became comfortable with it. In this scenario, if it's true for you, you are a straight guy living a gay life.

I'm very straight. If I'm out somewhere where there are lots of people milling around, other guys are just figures passing by. Girls on the other hand I LOOK at. I glance at their bodies and explore their face as I pass by.

So, what's it like for you if you are out at the mall walking around? Who is your attention drawn to? I'm no Freud but maybe this could give you an insight to your true nature.

 

[Hope1essRomant1c]

I don't really believe in bisexuality, at least not in the sense most people think of it. I think some people are very open-minded and through life experience they can sexualize certain things. So, by my way of thinking, you could be an open minded guy who happened upon a sexual relationship with a guy at a young age. You then sexualized gay sex and became comfortable with it. In this scenario, if it's true for you, you are a straight guy living a gay life.

I'm very straight. If I'm out somewhere where there are lots of people milling around, other guys are just figures passing by. Girls on the other hand I LOOK at. I glance at their bodies and explore their face as I pass by.

So, what's it like for you if you are out at the mall walking around? Who is your attention drawn to? I'm no Freud but maybe this could give you an insight to your true nature.

that's where my issue starts. i am lead to believe that i am not necessarily straight because of my interests and hobbies for one. i play football but on most days i would rather sit at home and watch plays on dvd or my one dream is to go to see broadway in new york. and to answer your question, when i am at the mall for example, there is no skew to which gender i look at more. i look at both the men and women the same. but when i look at men, i don't look at their faces, i just want to see what's underneath the clothes. but with women i look at the body, the face and i definitely get the urge to .... excuse my french... bang her or get with her i guess. so i am definitely very confused.

 

[Hope1essRomant1c]

If you're not feeling it, don't do it. It obviously seems like things aren't working out for him to come and move close to you. You're ambivalent about being with him. It sounds like a recipe for disaster.

It sounds like at 19, you're not ready for a serious relationship, and this will be a mistake the both of you will regret....I'd think twice about doing this.

one other factor you should know is that he is 28. and we have not communicated since jan. 2 because i am going through this crisis and he hasn't even made an attempt to contact me since.

 

[houtx48]

I'm thinking the ummm dodged a bullet...........

 

[aninnymouse]

one other factor you should know is that he is 28. and we have not communicated since jan. 2 because i am going through this crisis and he hasn't even made an attempt to contact me since.

That sounds like the answer to your question right there. You're not feeling it. He's 9 years older, which is a huge difference at this stage in your life.

It would not have ended well. Definitely not. The both of you dodged a bullet.

As far as not feeling you're straight? Why not. Just because you have artistic interests doesn't make you gay or bi. I know for a fact that there are a lot of macho guys who love nothing more than football, beer, hunting, etc. who are very, very gay.

Being gay or bisexual is about your sexual interests, not about any other interests.

I say, go out, look for a woman to be with. Try it out. Trust me, if you're straight, or prefer women, you'll know. A lot of gay men and women has said they were with the opposite sex, and it didn't provide any real spark, but then they got with someone of the same sex, and it was like "WOW! Now I know what they mean!"

So, try it out, experiment, within reason, and within being safe, and see what YOU like. As stated above, you are the only one who can decide your orientation.

 

[Sagecucumber]

that's where my issue starts. i am lead to believe that i am not necessarily straight because of my interests and hobbies for one. i play football but on most days i would rather sit at home and watch plays on dvd or my one dream is to go to see broadway in new york. and to answer your question, when i am at the mall for example, there is no skew to which gender i look at more. i look at both the men and women the same. but when i look at men, i don't look at their faces, i just want to see what's underneath the clothes. but with women i look at the body, the face and i definitely get the urge to .... excuse my french... bang her or get with her i guess. so i am definitely very confused.

What your interests are has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. From what you said here, if I apply my logic from above (whatever that's worth), you just look at men for their junk but women you're interested in everything, I'd say you are heterosexual and you have sexualized men.

I agree with aninnymouse, try a relationship with a girl. Be patient about getting one. Most of us don't have the game to go out and just get a girl and you're used to the ease of gay men. Find girls you are attracted to and go through the foreign process of engaging them and connecting with them intimately. Stick with it until you succeed, then you will know if you are straight or gay.