my Virginity still intact? and another question

[D_Hammond Happydipper]

well 9 years ago I was sexually assaulted by another guy(unwilling participant)
3 separate times..


these memories are unzipping them self after my depression was over 2 weeks
ago

becoming to the point where my sex drive/Stamina is gone completely because of it


loss of sleep 3 or 4 hours at best

loss of appetite, last time it happened I lost 40 pounds

anxiety



I have been able to control the Adrenaline rush problem by exhausting the supply when working out lifting weights and walking/running "fight-or-flight response from the anxiety"



is my Virginity still intact? no penetration as far as I can remember


last time I only lasted 3 1/2 months before I slipped back in to depression
so I do only have a small time window to fix this and get some closure




professional help is very expensive

what ever money I had I lent it out and never got anything back :frown1:




if some of this does not make any cents it's because the lack of sleep for me is the equivalent of being drunk


I will even talk and walk like I am drunk also! I bet It could fool a police officer LOL



if i told my parents this they will just find someway to humiliate me so that is why I never said anything before to them.

my family is so judgemental

especially my oldest sister she said some bad stuff about my Sexual Orientation in the past

 

[slurper_la]

you're in Los Angeles. Get yourself over to the Gay & Lesbian Center. They have counselors and programs to help with your problem and yes it's ok that you're straight - they don't discriminate :biggrin1:

if you really need help, they can REALLY help you

L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center: Homepage - L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center

 

[D_Miranda_Wrights]

By any reasonable definition, you're still a virgin. There was no penetration. You didn't even want it.

I would seek out community support groups. LAX folks are more likely to be able to help you, but I'm sure there are support groups for survivors of sexual assault. While I think there are some broader issues here (like with your family) the #1 priority is that you get well for yourself, and the best way of doing that is working through whatever direct anxieties these incidents are giving you. After that, you can deal with unnecessarily judgmental family members. As I'm sure you know, your sexual orientation doesn't have any relevance to this situation at all.

 

[Pitbull]

You need to get some help.
Rape Crisis center may be somewhere that has the professional people that can help without costing you.

Good luck.

 

[D_Hammond Happydipper]

you're in Los Angeles. Get yourself over to the Gay & Lesbian Center. They have counselors and programs to help with your problem and yes it's ok that you're straight - they don't discriminate :biggrin1:

if you really need help, they can REALLY help you

L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center: Homepage - L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center

I live maybe 70miles from the city part
(rural area)

good thing we have broadband as i hate dial up

 

[slurper_la]

I live maybe 70miles from the city part
(rural area)

good thing we have broadband as i hate dial up

sorry, that seems like classic deflection. either a result of your experiences or you're lying and toying with all of us.

you need help? get it. no excuses! if you're unable to travel you can contact the LAGLC via email for advice on how to acquire guidance and counseling.

 

[erratic]

I live maybe 70miles from the city part
(rural area)

good thing we have broadband as i hate dial up

Dude, you can make it in once a week. It sounds pretty obvious that you're in a nasty depression and that can make any obstacle sound huge, but if you want help you need to pick yourself up and get it. I know people who drive that far to see a counsellor. They use it as an excuse to take a one-day vacation every week or two weeks. And I'm sure you could use a vacation.

Seriously, loss of motivation, sleep, appetite and sex drive are classic symptoms of depression. You say you might last a few months before you slip back in to depression - dude, it sounds to me (albeit, I don't know you as well as you do) that you're already depressed.

As for whether or not you're still a virgin, I ask myself the same thing. I was raped when I was a kid, too. It fucking sucks and it screws with your head. I know this. It sucks even more that you feel you need to keep it a secret. So get some help.

And if you think you're too far, I live in bloody Canada and googled this:
TEENLINE -:- Youth Yellow Pages -:- Rape and Sexual Abuse
Some of those phone lines offer telephone counselling and referral services for youths and adults. If you're absolutely too depressed to see a counsellor face-to-face then call one on the phone. Please.

All the best.

 

[D_Hammond Happydipper]

sorry, that seems like classic deflection. either a result of your experiences or you're lying and toying with all of us.

you need help? get it. no excuses! if you're unable to travel you can contact the LAGLC via email for advice on how to acquire guidance and counseling.

i gave up and told my mom (did not go into detail about it or what it was)

she started pressuring me for details and answers


so i just left to my room and locked the door

I found a mental health center close by 15-20min away

Seriously, loss of motivation, sleep, appetite and sex drive are classic symptoms of depression. You say you might last a few months before you slip back in to depression - dude, it sounds to me (albeit, I don't know you as well as you do) that you're already depressed.
.

sleeping pattern shifted on 08-31 to 4 to 6 hours a night


prior to that it was 10-13-hours aday


heck i remember what happen in the last 1 1/2 weeek

compared to the last 4 1/2 years November 05 to june 09 I do not remember crap from this time frame spotty at best

then September 09 to August 31 2010 same thing


September 11 09 between 2 and 3 am the last thing i remember clearly was nearly choking to death on a burrito
at the taco bell in
Central Point ,OR


total cost was $2.37
including sales tax


hand rail outside saved my life if it was not there I would not be alive today